"I have to pee and then pump"

A few months ago, Ben and I are unloading our circus after going somewhere and I said to him, "I have to pee and then pump." and I think he said something like, "isn't that the story of your life."

I exclusively pumped breast milk for the twins for about 8 months. For 8 months, I hooked myself up to a machine...every 4 hours....for 8 months. I pumped at family functions, airport terminals, in the car, during conference calls and in the middle of the night. It is a LABOR OF LOVE and anyone who EPs is my hero. Nursing just didn't work out for us and this was the best that I could do. This journey was not easy and there were many, many days that I wanted to quit. This option gave my kids the best option for breast milk and I am thankful that it exists but every minute that I was pumping was another moment that I couldn't hold a baby, change a diaper or do something for them. One time my Aunt Sarah said, "What you are doing is a sacrifice for your kids" and I almost started crying right there because not everyone sees it that way but it really is. For most outsiders it looks like an inconvenience, an obligation or unnecessary, a reason you have to cut your outing short, an annoyance to your employer, or something that is limiting you. It is a sacrifice and it is hard. I had people in my life that helped support me and are the only reason I made it this long. Here are a few people I need to thank....

My mother...

My Mom was there for the birth of the twins and every moment after it for about a week. When people said, "You will just want your mom there" I didn't realize how incredibly true that would be. A part of it is that she has been through it all before and I just believe her more when she encourages me. My Mom was there to get various pumping supplies, washing a million bottles, trying to get the hospital grade pump to work and we can't forget the literal and figurative "melt down" where we lost a few pumping parts to the microwave sterilization bag. She was also there to (nicely) force me to pump when I didn't want to. It took 5 whole days for my milk to come in. I was pumping every few hours and NOTHING would come out but I had to keep doing it. Anyone who helped us had to do extra work while I had to sit there an pump. I will also value our conversations in the wee morning hours when I would pump and she would feed the babies. Or that one time over Christmas break when both the kids were teething and crying hysterically. I had tried to pump a good 3 times while trying to comfort them both. When I finally was able to get both kids content, I was emotionally spent but I had to still pump. I sat in the living room, while my family played a card game in the kitchen and basically cried while I pumped. At a moment when you think you have nothing left to give...you find it within you to pump that precious liquid gold for your precious babies. My Mom came into the room and sat on the couch and didn't say a word. Moms know when you just need to have someone sit with you. Maybe she doesn't even think it was a big deal but it was to me.

My Friend Jess Grewe...

Most of you know of Jess as "My friend with 2 sets of twins" but this woman is incredible. Not only did she send me a full maternity wardrobe, twin nursing pillow, baby clothes, bottles and more....she exclusively pumped for both her sets of twins and went 13.5 months for her 2nd set of twins. She was my main supporter to exclusively pump. She added me to the most amazing support group of women on facebook that were my lifeline. She encouraged me on the days that I really wanted to quit and offered the best advice. "Never quit on a bad day" She gave me the tough love when I needed it and the loving support when I was ready to be done. I wouldn't have made it past the first few weeks without her help.

My Amazing Husband...

For 8 months...there were 3 of us in our marriage. Ben, myself and my pump. We scheduled life around my pumping schedule and couldn't go anywhere without having access every 4 hours. Many nights Ben would wake up to the faint sound of the pump going. One of ways he would help is hauling my pump from the bedroom to the living every day, washing all the supplies and putting my late night pumped milk in the fridge. For every minute I was hooked up to the machine was another minute that Ben was on his own to care for the kids. Many early mornings where he would have to go get the kids while I finished my morning pump which usually took over an hour. During all this time, he never once asked me to stop pumping. He would ask "how long do you think you will pump?" and I usually didn't have a solid answer for him. His patience was amazing and I can't thank him enough for picking up the slack while I gave our babies their best start at life.

As the kids became more mobile...it got a lot tougher and I just felt like it was time to stop. I was also one of the "not-so-lucky" women who didn't lose ANY weight while breastfeeding/pumping. Not a single pound. My body was holding onto everything as I tried to produce food for 2 babies. Any decrease in calories would hurt my supply that was already not enough for both the kids. There were many many factors that led to my decision to stop at 8 months. I am happy that I could provide at least some milk to them and now I am thankful for extra hours in the day to hold them. I do have a small freezer stash that will give them each a bottle of day of breast milk for a few months.

We were lucky enough to asked to speak at an "Expecting Multiples" class by Amma this past week and it felt good to talk about the option to pump. I don't think many moms know about it and it usually isn't plan A but for a lot of women, it is a good plan B.

Now that I am done pumping and my body is starting to get back to normal. It is time to start chipping away at the weight gain. Ironically, I weigh the exact same as I did when I started my weight loss journey back in December of 2009. I gained a total of 100 pounds during my pregnancy and I dropped 50 pounds within the first few weeks of their birth. Since then, nothing. I am not going to lie...the task of losing 80 pounds...again...it a bit overwhelming. My body is different and I don't think the same approach is going to work. I plan to blog about "Round 2" of weight loss but that is for another day.

To my fellow pumpers...

The Feeling of Failing

Unfinished Post from February 2015

Well, my last post was in October....so I am not blogging as much as I had planned but good Lord, we are busy. Whatever small amount of down time we get...we try to have adult conversations about things beside puke and poop, clean the bathroom or close our eyes. Busy isn't even the best word to use. I think they could create a new words for busy that parents of multiple children could use. This will be another disjointed blog post to try to update you on all things going on with the Ullands.

Ben said something so honest and touching to me the other night. We were talking about the many things we didn't get done that weekend and he just looked at me and said, "I just feel like I'm failing..." and I said, "Welcome to parenthood. There are never enough hours in the day to get done everything that we need to do. If you give your all as a parent, your career suffers. If you give your all to your career, your marriage suffers and so on. All we can do is the best we can do and love our kids like crazy in the process."

I am so used to being "on top of everything" and being able to juggle several balls in the air while looking calm as can be. That phase of my life has flown out the window. I feel like ANY change to our daily lives has a huge impact on us. If I have to work late one night...I can see the effect of that on all of us for the next 4 days. If one baby gets sick...it takes more energy and effort and sleepless nights until they are health again. If I ask you to wash your hands or not touch my child it is because all I see, when I look at your hands, is even less sleep for me and Ben. Sleep is like GOLD...or more like fairy dust because you can't buy it.

A few nights ago, Carter was up every.single.hour from 11pm-6am. This was WAY worse than his newborn days. Nothing will make you more crazy that trying to "Figure out" why your kid isn't sleeping, pooping, napping....whatever it is, it will consume your mind. God bless little Elianna that is still sleeping through the night like a champ. She has always been more accommodating when her brother needs a little more attention. Carter's latest issue has been waking up in the middle of the night and then vomiting all over the place. Usually all over me and last night my wonderful Father-in-law who offered to help while I am away at a conference. So the investigation starts to try to solve this new issue.

A little update...

I have had about 500 blog ideas in the past few months. I write them in my head in the middle of the night, while I am driving and when I am hooked up to the breast pump but they never make it out for real. I am going to sum up several thoughts, really quickly, so here we go.

The kids are almost 5 months old...yes the time goes by fast but I feel like we cherish every single moment with them. Elianna was 14lbs 8oz and Carter was 16 lbs at their last appointment. We have only rushed into urgent care twice with 1st time parent worries, only to be sent home with reasons like teething and a mild sinus bug. We successfully transitioned the kids from Rock and Plays into their cribs. It went WAY better than expected but I probably got up to check on them a dozen times each night for the first few days. They are still sleeping great. We usually get a 8/9pm-5/6am stretch but pretty regularly, someone needs to get up around 4am for a snack. I understand that we are extremely lucky and my heart goes out to mommas out there that are still getting 2 hours at a time. You are amazing.

Due to an unforeseen change, Ben is no longer working at the YMCA. Unfortunately, we are pretty used to having one of us lose our job so we just had to roll with it. When you have been through, what we have been through...you question God's plan less and less. We took this as a way for Ben to be home with the kids and finally start building his personal training business at Success Fitness in Maplewood. He can work with clients without a membership fee and he can make his own schedule. He can work 10 hours a week and make what it would have taken 30 hours to make at the YMCA. Here is my plug for my amazing husband...He can do training in your home or at the gym in Maplewood. Please find him on facebook by searching Ulland Fitness.

On another note, my husband is an incredible stay-at-home Dad. He reads to the kids, works on tummy time, takes them for runs and loves on them all day. I am so happy that our babies are home and with their Daddy during the day.

Being a working Mom is hard. Harder than I imagined. I knew I would miss them but I have always taken my career so seriously and I am (now more than ever) the one who brings home the bacon. I thought I would want a break from being with 2 infants...but I don't. I miss them all the time and I usually try not to think about them too much during the day. I find it easier that way. I have missed both of them rolling over for the first time. I missed it. It will never happen again and I was in an office somewhere, staring at a computer screen. I missed it. I also think that because we are not planning on having more children, every milestone I miss hurts a little more. I will never be able to be a parent who can stay at home. I am trying to adjust and tell myself all the things that working parents have to say to leave our kids each day, but it is hard. It doesn't help that my job has changed, I was demoted due to a company reorganization and my overall work environment is very stressful right now. It makes leaving them even harder. I can understand why people with children don't go to parties, happy hour or trips to the vineyard on the weekends. They want to be with their kids. I want to get puked and peed on. I want to change 20 diapers a day and I want to have used every ounce of energy before I lay my head down at night. I had bought tickets to the theater for my birthday and I didn't want to even go. I cried because I had to work that Saturday and I had barely seen the kids. I wanted to blow off my birthday plans to sit on the couch with them. We waiting so long for them and I don't want to miss a minute.

I am still pumping....almost 5 months of hooking up my very delicate body parts to a machine that man-handles them for 45 minutes, every 4 hours for liquid gold. I still don't make enough for both of the kids but I have come to accept that. I tried every trick in the book...Gatorade, oatmeal, flax seed, supplements, beer, smart water, coconut water and lactation cookies. Ok, I still eat those because they taste yummy and my Grandma makes them for me. My original goal was to pump for 3 months and my next goal is 6 months. Some days I hate it so much and other days, I think I could do it for a year. I hate it the most when I have to give up sleep to pump and when I have to listen to my babies cry because I am hooked up to the pump and can't pick them up. Most days it is just annoying. I pump in my car...pause for reaction...don't worry, I use a hands-free bra and I have only given a few truck drivers a show but it saves me time! I will pump past 6 months...but I don't know how long I will go. Right now, it is a huge financial decision. Formula for twins is ridiculous and I am sure we are saving at least $300 a month. Obviously, it is the best thing for my babies and that matters to me but I will just keep pumping until I don't want to or can't anymore.

The babies are doing so well. They are happy, smiling and starting to learn how to use their little bodies. Elianna is ready to sit up all the time but she has a little ways to go. She is SO smiley. Seriously, I think her face must hurt at the end of the day from her really big smiles. She is grunting a lot lately which is adorable. My sweet little girl lights up a room and is already an eternal optimist, just like her Daddy. Mr. Carter is a little shy guy. He will smile but usually turns away and it is more of a grin. He looks like he is always up to something. He has mastered "the lip" and he will stick that bottom lip out so far...it will break your heart. Their little laughs are so different and they think different things are funny. In the mornings, I have started to lay them next to each other on the bed to see how they interact. Elianna will try to eat any and all of Carter's body parts and Carter just lets her. I can't wait to see how their relationship grows. We are so incredibly blessed and they get more fun every day. We are still new parents, trying to balance being parents, spouses, and friends. There is little energy or time at the end of the day but we work with what we have.

I would like to promise that I will blog more but I don't know if I can follow through on that. I will keep trying because I love sharing with all of you since so many of you prayed for our little miracles.

You just had to be there...

I realized that I never shared any pictures from our birth so here are a few to look at. The raw emotion in some of them still brings tears to my eyes. A few are a little messy and well, I wasn't looking my best but they are real.

I was a "little" tired at this point when Carter was born but it was a marathon and I still had a little girl to think about. Luckily, Carter paved the way for his sister and the next round was much easier.

Ben and I welcoming Mr. Carter into the world. 

This picture is the essence of my Mother. She is comforting me, with Carter on my chest and we are both full of emotion. My Mom was there for the many, many tearful conversations on our journey to getting pregnant...this time they were tears of pure joy.

 I love this picture of Elianna. She came quietly into the world just looking around. She is still my patient, calm baby.

Elianna kept putting her hands on my face when they laid her on my chest. 

THIS was the moment I finally took a sigh of relief. When I had them both safely in my arms. The 4 of us all back together after 38 weeks of waiting. I felt so complete at this moment. I held two, living, breathing answers to prayers. 

 First Family Picture!

I imagine the things they would have said to each other in this moment. But whatever the conversation, I am sure it ended with, "I don't know what just happened but I am glad you are here with me" 

Update on the Ulland Twins! 

They are doing wonderful. I really am truly blessed with easy babies. They are both sleeping 6-7 hours a night which is an absolute miracle. I am still pumping for both of them and it is going better now that I am in a routine. Carter is still our outspoken baby who lets us know when it is time to eat and that he needs his diaper changed...immediately. Carter is 11lbs and 6oz and Elianna is 10lbs 11oz. Elianna is pretty calm and usually lets us feed her hungry brother first or take our time getting to her diaper. Ben and I are loving every busy moment as parents of twins. I am back to work full-time and with the incredible help of our family, the kids have only been to the YMCA daycare one time. We are so blessed and so thankful.

Somewhere between guilty and grateful

Every day is a battle between feeling guilty for one thing or another and the gratefulness that comes with being a parent. Sometimes I think this spectrum is much larger for those women who struggled to get pregnant. I remember reading Facebook posts from mothers complaining about a variety of things that come with pregnancy/parenting and my responses would be like this...

"My kids were up all night!" - I would be give up all my sleep to just have a baby
"I am so sick of being pregnant!" - I would give anything to become pregnant...anything
"Does someone want to take a few kids off of my hands? You can have them!" - Ok...I will take them.

You get the point. I swore I would never complain on Facebook about my pregnancy or my children, I don't care how bad it gets and trust me...I had some real content the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Just because I don't post anything on Facebook about how hard it is being a new mom of twins, doesn't mean I don't think it in my head. This is where the constant battle between feeling guilty and grateful comes into play.

As a mom, I feel like I could always be doing something better and with twins, that feeling is more than doubled. If I am holding one baby, then I am not holding the other. There are many times in the day when I am attending to the needs of one baby while the other one is crying. The whole issue of nursing is really for another post but I have basically given up on breastfeeding. I will pause for your reaction/judgement/sadness/understanding or whatever else. I just couldn't sit there and nurse one baby while the other one cried. We also had latch issues, sleepy babies and so on. I can juggle giving both of them bottles but nursing wasn't working for me. I would have to nurse each baby for 30  minutes, then give them any milk I had pumped and THEN top them off with formula. This would equal over 2 hours for one feeding and 4 dirty bottles. By the time I finished with the second baby, it was time for the first one to eat again. I feel guilty because I know some women would give anything to be able to nurse their babies and even though we had struggles, I was able to do it. On the other hand, I am grateful that I was even able to and I am even more grateful that my body does produce (almost) enough milk to feed my babies. As of now, I am almost exclusively pumping. I take it one day at a time. There is a lot of shame and pressure around breastfeeding and anyone who is doing it with one or two babies, you are amazing. If you aren't able to or choose not to, you are amazing too.

I started writing this post a few weeks ago and during that time I have found that between guilty and grateful is a TON of GRACE. The Lord knows how thankful I am for these children and he also knows how tired I really am. I feel floods of Grace every single day. I honestly, don't know how people are parents without Jesus in their life. Seeing a baby born should seal the deal right there but everyday I am only able to keep my head above water because of Jesus and my husband.

Let me talk about my amazing husband for just a minute. This man is super Daddy, let me tell you! Dads of twins are a rare breed and they are truely partners in parenting. Ben changes at least a dozen diapers a day without blinking an eye, does middle of the night feedings every night, gives most of the baths and supports a very emotional, unpredictable wife. Ben works split shifts so he comes home from work at 11:30am and then goes back around 2 every day. When walks in the door he never knows what he will find! Some days I am in tears with 2 crying babies and some days I have lunch on the table with a smile on my face. The latter is pretty rare but you get my drift. The minute he walks in the door, he drops his stuff and says, "What do you need?" I am usually hooked up to my pumping machine and a baby needs a bottle or changing and he dives right in. He then makes us both lunch, feeds and changes one or both babies and then heads back to work just to do the same thing when he gets home at 6:00. I could not ask for a better partner in this journey. I am impressed with him every day and I fall more in love with him every day.

I do believe in God's timing, even in moments where I felt completely forgotten about when the world seemed to be passing us by. Our marriage is so much stronger than it was even a year ago and having a baby, let alone 2, will put strain on any marriage but God was preparing us for this. The lessons He taught us in respect, love languages, financial provision, control, responsibility and trust...were all to prepare us for this time. It also helps that we have desperately wanted children for years before this. It helps when you are exhausted, haven't showered in 3 days, have multiple forms of bodily fluids on you, to know that this is an answer to prayers.

Every day gets a little better and we start to feel like we have this under control, for at least the  moment. The babies slept for 6 hours last night...the SAME 6 hours! They went down at 8:30 and 9:00 and didn't get up till 3:00am. What a huge milestone! They both ate and then slept again till 6:30 and 7:00. I am letting Ben sleep in this morning since Carter is asleep in the swing and Elianna is talking to me in the Rock & Play. I have the best babies they are very content as long as they have a dry butt and a full belly.

Blogs to come about going back to work, weight loss/gain and new mom anxiety!

Follow me on instagram to see more pics of the babies! @misheldawn

I try to keep the pictures on facebook to a minimum out of respect but facebook is the primary way my grandparents see pictures of the babies.

Grace, memories and 4 weeks old

I can't believe it has been 4 weeks since they were born. Sometimes it feels like months and other times it feels like yesterday. I can say that we are finally getting into a routine and yesterday was the first night that it felt normal instead of pure chaos. We even did baths for both babies and were in bed by 8:45.

There are some memories that I wanted to get recorded somewhere before I forget so here are just some quick memories...

-Ben sitting on the couch, holding a baby and he turns to me and says, " I am just melting"
-Carter's little sigh after he sneezes
-The night that both babies cried for 2 hours until we figured out what they needed. Carter squeezed my finger and gave me a little smile...his way of saying, "It's ok Mom, we are ok and we know you are doing your best"
-Ben and I in the store, Ben turns to me and says, "I just love them so much"
-Sound of my Mom reading books to the babies in their nursery
-My first time tandem nursing BOTH babies!
-Elianna always having her hand touching her face when she sleeps
-Remembering when I saw and felt pure Grace and Forgiveness between Ben and myself, evidence of God presence in our parenting and our marriage.
-Seeing Ben's Dad hold all 3 grandkids in his arms on his first Father's Day as a Grandpa

This crazy roller coaster we are living hasn't gotten any less exciting. I would say that within a few days, I have felt like a total failure and a great Mom within such a short time period. I am so thankful for God's Grace because I need it every moment. I am not sure how to express what I am feeling without having it taken the wrong way. I will just say that all the times God was teaching me about needing to be in control, being patient with myself and others, accepting grace, not holding onto shame or guilt....all of these things have made me a better parent. They have been vital for me to be a Mom of twins without losing my mind or creating distance between myself and Ben. It is SO easy to be mean to your spouse at 3am when you have been pooped on, feel exhausted and cannot get your baby to sleep. One of the best lines I learned from Lysa Terkeurst..."Share whispers with God before shouts with the world" Give God the opportunity to intervene before you speak. When I want to snap at Ben, I wait a few seconds and give the holy spirit the time to change my heart before I speak. It has made a HUGE difference for us. I need Ben...my partner in this. When you have twins, there is no "it's your turn" because there are two babies and it is always both of our turns.

Our next adventure is traveling to see my parents and grandparents this weekend. I am so excited for the babies to meet their Great Grandma Jo, Great Grandpa Ed and Great Grandma June. I will share more about our trip when we get back. Here are a few pictures for our photo shoot we did when the babies were 5 days old :o)

 GO TWINS! 

 Miss Elianna 

 Carter and his lip

 Carter wearing a cute hat!

 This one makes me think of them in the womb!

 Love this one!

The Best kind of overwhelmed

Well, I have thought of about 40 different blog topics over the past few weeks but I have about 1.5 minutes a day to actually write the thoughts down. Since my Mom is visiting for a few days, I hope to write a little more. These posts may get a little random but that is how life is now!

Baby Elianna

She is my mellow, sweet little girl who loves to be awake and look around. She likes to sleep with her hands touching her face. When it is time to eat, she is much more patient and usually lets me feed her hungry brother first. We have had some tummy trouble but they are doing ok. Elianna is also my star nurser. She was the first to be able to latch and she can nurse almost every time we try. At our last Dr. appointment last Friday, she weighed 7lbs 11oz which is 10 oz over her birth weight. She is a perfect little angel. Daddy calls her "his little princess."

Baby Carter

He is my vocal, strong willed little boy. He likes to make a lot of noise when he is awake and when he is sleeping. If he has a dirty diaper, he will let you know asap that he would like it changed. The same goes for eating because this hungry boy is growing fast! The best part about Carter is his facial expressions. Even when he is sleeping, his little face has so much character and he makes us laugh all the time. He hates getting new clothes put on and will let you know how much he hates it! He also lets us all know that it is meal time and that he would like to be first. He is catching on to the nursing a lot better. He is totally a Daddy's boy and sometimes Ben is the only person he wants to be with. His weight was 8lbs 5oz last week which is a full pound over his birth weight. Daddy calls him "little champ."

We are doing well but I will say the first week at home was the easiest in some ways. I wasn't really even trying to nurse and I was barely pumping enough to matter but now we are nursing, pumping and still having to supplement formula. I have never been a mom who was against formula or super determined to breast feed because I knew better. I knew that so much would depend on each baby, when they were born, my milk supply and more. Here are my honest thoughts and if you are a mom who every tried to breast feed, you will probably understand...it is really hard. I think about quitting many times a day when I think about how easy it would be to just buy formula. There are times when I have to let a baby cry the whole time I am nursing and then bottle feeding the other baby. We basically feed them in 3 different ways. I want what is best for my babies and I know breast milk is the best but it is hard. I am thankful that I even have the option to give my babies breast milk. I know women who couldn't provide what was best for their babies because their bodies would not cooperate. It is a gift to be able to nurse my babies and I try to see it that way every day. I could talk about nursing a lot more but I will save you all from that.

Ben and I are crazy in love with these two little miracles. Even at 3 am, after we have both been peed or projective pooped on...we still are so in love. Some of our funniest moments are in the middle of the night hearing our babies "toot" very loudly or catching the vomit as it flies out. Ben is an absolute rock star Daddy. He changes diapers non-stop, keeps me fed and hydrated and give overflowing love to his babies all the time. The sleep deprivation has been the toughest for Ben but he is starting to adjust. He is ON all the time and does it with a smile. I am so incredibly blessed to have such an amazing partner in parenting.

Many of you very sweet people have been checking in on me and seeing how I am doing emotionally. Moms of twins have a much higher risk of postpartum depression for some obvious reasons. I am doing really really well. I have such an incredible support system that I know I can call on anytime. So many of you provided us with meals over the past few weeks. I know it just seems like food but it has been an absolute blessing. Ben comes home from work at 6pm and we literally have maybe 45 minutes before babies are awake and need to start their feeding before bedtime. It has helped so much to have food in the fridge, ready to go. I also am trying to eat 3,000 calories a day (something I never thought would be a problem) but I have so little time to make food for myself. I have also learned what my physical limits are and how much sleep I need to function. If I can get a 30-45 minutes nap during the day, I can survive. I still have what is called the "danger zone" from 6-8pm each night, if I don't get a nap that day. This is usually when I spill breast milk and cry for a good 20 minutes. Ben has made my naps a priority when he is home during lunch and it makes a huge difference. I also think that anxiety is something that most mothers deal with and something I have had issues with in the past but I decided a long time ago to not let anxiety rule my life. Satan LOVES to use anxiety to make us doubt the promises of God. Well, I have seen too many promises of God come to life to let Satan get to me. I still pray, "God, keep my babies safe" many times a day but these babies are God's and I know he is looking out for them.
We made it to church yesterday and even on time!!! It was important for us to go see some of the people that have been praying for these babies for so long. We made it through the first 30 minutes of the service until it was food/diaper time. Ben and I stood there, listening to the worship songs, holding our babies and it was surreal. How many Sundays did I sit here and cry...begging the Lord to answer our prayers? We have been going to North Haven Church for 5 years and most of those years were times of trials. If felt so different to be standing in the same spot but now we have everything. Every prayer we prayed, has been answered. Ben's new career, my new job, our beautiful family and many other miracles. We are experiencing the Joy that comes in the morning, the immeasurably "more" that God had in store for us.  The reality of everything is overwhelming. The love, grace and faithfulness is overwhelming. The best kind of overwhelming there is.

This song was preformed at church yesterday and I  just thought it was perfect for us. It is called "Always" and chorus says, "My God will come though, Always"