As we get closer and closer to the beginning or end of this journey, depending on what journey we are talking about, I wanted to write down some thoughts. I love the idea of writing your children a letter before they are born. Here is mine:
Sweet Babies,
You are almost here and you have kept us in suspense for a long time. Your Dad and I cannot wait to finally hold you in our arms. There are a few things I wanted to make sure you knew about. First of all, so many people have been praying for you since before you were conceived. You are a product of the Lord's faithfulness and even though that is hard to comprehend as a child, I hope to remind you of this in the future. You are so loved and wanted by our family and friends.
To my sweet little girl,
We had a feeling you were a girl from our very first ultrasound in October 2013. When we showed your Papa (Dodge) the ultrasound picture, he commented that you had the bigger "apartment" and were probably a girl. We were worried about you early in the pregnancy but you were a little fighter. One of the ultrasound pictures shows you with your arms up, flexing your muscles and showing me that you were strong enough. When it was confirmed that you were a girl, I think your Daddy was the most excited. Your Daddy is the sweetest man alive and he loves me the way I hope someone will someday love you. I always felt your kicks more than your brother. You have also been the most unpredictable and I can't wait to get to know you more. I am so blessed to have a daughter. I know how special my relationship is with my mom and I am already so in love with you and so is everyone else.
To my sweet little boy,
We had a feeling you were a boy from the beginning and our dream has come true to have both a boy and girl in our family. You have been a little mystery to us for most of the pregnancy. You hid your little face most of the time and your movements are more subtle. Your Daddy and I are so excited to meet you. It seems that you are your sister are getting along so far but I pray that you will be her protector. Your Daddy and Grandpas cannot wait to explore this world with you have lots of adventures. You are the first grandson on the Dodge side of the family and will soon be joined by your boy cousin on the Ulland side. I am thankful that you will have another little boy to grow up with! You have so many strong men to look up to in our family. I want you to know that we are all already in love with you.
Let me tell you about your Daddy...
He is so special. He is unlike any other man I have ever met and he has wanted to be a Daddy for a long time. We have taken classes, read books and watched DVDs about how to be the best parents possible but the easiest part is how much he loves you. He is saving his first diaper change for one of you, so be patient as he learns a few things. :o) Your Daddy is ready to give up so much because he would rather be at home, holding you and watching Twins games on TV. He can't wait to teach you about life, sports, God, family and everything else because he loves to share his knowledge. His compassion for others is amazing and you will see this over time. He also knows the best way to love your Mom. He took care of me for weeks before you arrived and he did it with joy and a smile on his face.
Let me tell you about your grandparents...
Oh babies, are you in store for some love. You have the best grandparents in the world just waiting to meet you. They have waited a long long time for this day to come and they couldn't be more excited. They have already started to spoil you with gifts but I hope you know them more for how much they love you and spend time with you. You are also lucky enough to have 5 great-grandparents that are equally excited to meet you! You will spend many hours with your grandparents since they are the greatest help we have and our hands will be full with the both of you! Value every minute with them because it is a gift.
Let me tell you about Jesus...
I am sure you already know him because he hand picked you to be our children. You are a miracle and I will always look at you that way. Your arrival has given so many people hope and faith in the Lord's promises. I pray that I can teach you all about Jesus and I pray that you experience the love, forgiveness and amazement that faith can bring to your life.
It looks like we will be meeting very soon. I can't even comprehend what that moment will be like when we look into each other's eyes but I know it will change my heart forever. That place in my heart that has been empty for so long, will be overflowing with unimaginable joy. I.Can't.Wait.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Do they know?
Yes, I am still pregnant. Yes, I am beyond ready and yes, we are very lucky to have made it to 37 weeks. Our twins are now considered "full term" and we can't believe how hard it is to wait to meet them.
We had hoped that they would be here by Mother's Day but they must need a little more time. I never thought I would still be pregnant on Mother's Day and I wasn't sure how I would feel on this day. To be honest, I am starting to doubt they will ever get here and I will be pregnant forever. My physical discomfort and pain has made it hard to see very far past myself lately which is not how I usually am. I have actively tried to be thankful for every single part of this experience, knowing how blessed I am but my body has limitations too. Every day I depend on God to keep me positive and focused on the miracle that is happening. The miracle that will be here in 8 days at the most!
Mother's Day has brought mixed emotions for me today. I don't feel like a mother yet which I know many would argue. I think part of it is the disbelief that this is all really happening and this familiar feeling of waiting. I feel movement in my stomach and I see fuzzy pictures but it won't be real to me till I look into their eyes and feel them in my arms. I find myself thinking more about the people on my "Waiting for a Miracle" prayer list, which sadly keeps growing.
In the past, this holiday was difficult. Not because I was bitter or angry but because it was a whole day that just reminded me of the missing part of my life. I just keep thinking to myself, "Do those parents know how blessed they are?" Whether it took you one time or 10 years to get pregnant, it was a gift that is not offered to all. There are couples that spend tens of thousands of dollars on attempts and the hope to be a mother, only to find out it failed repeatedly. There are mothers who have babies in heaven and their hearts are never whole again. There are couples who pray and trust in God for a miracle but each month brings disappointment. Every parent I see, I ask myself, "Do they know how blessed they are?" Most of the time, I think they don't know and can't even comprehend the struggle that others go through. I pray that I am a parent that can try to remember how blessed I am, even on the really hard days.
What about the other blessings we take for granted? You may have a horrible job that doesn't pay well and stresses you out but do you know how blessed you are to have a job? You may have a poor relationship with your parent that is full of nothing but conflict but do you know how blessed you are to have your parent here on earth? Do you see where I am going with this?
I have always loved this saying:
A holiday like today just makes me pray for those who long to be mothers but aren't yet or never will be, mothers with angel babies, those who have a mother in heaven and anyone who longs for a better relationship with their mother. Maybe this is a sign of maturing but I find myself praying more for those without than celebrating what I already have. Don't get me wrong, my mother is incredible. She is the most compassionate, genuine, loving and strong woman of God I have ever met. She is my best friend and I know how blessed I am but it makes me want the same thing for others. I want others to get their miracles too.
Be thankful for what you have and pray for others who may not have the same blessings. As I am going through these last difficult weeks of twin pregnancy, I will try to keep my thoughts on the joy that is coming and continue to pray for those still waiting for their own miracles.
We had hoped that they would be here by Mother's Day but they must need a little more time. I never thought I would still be pregnant on Mother's Day and I wasn't sure how I would feel on this day. To be honest, I am starting to doubt they will ever get here and I will be pregnant forever. My physical discomfort and pain has made it hard to see very far past myself lately which is not how I usually am. I have actively tried to be thankful for every single part of this experience, knowing how blessed I am but my body has limitations too. Every day I depend on God to keep me positive and focused on the miracle that is happening. The miracle that will be here in 8 days at the most!
Mother's Day has brought mixed emotions for me today. I don't feel like a mother yet which I know many would argue. I think part of it is the disbelief that this is all really happening and this familiar feeling of waiting. I feel movement in my stomach and I see fuzzy pictures but it won't be real to me till I look into their eyes and feel them in my arms. I find myself thinking more about the people on my "Waiting for a Miracle" prayer list, which sadly keeps growing.
In the past, this holiday was difficult. Not because I was bitter or angry but because it was a whole day that just reminded me of the missing part of my life. I just keep thinking to myself, "Do those parents know how blessed they are?" Whether it took you one time or 10 years to get pregnant, it was a gift that is not offered to all. There are couples that spend tens of thousands of dollars on attempts and the hope to be a mother, only to find out it failed repeatedly. There are mothers who have babies in heaven and their hearts are never whole again. There are couples who pray and trust in God for a miracle but each month brings disappointment. Every parent I see, I ask myself, "Do they know how blessed they are?" Most of the time, I think they don't know and can't even comprehend the struggle that others go through. I pray that I am a parent that can try to remember how blessed I am, even on the really hard days.
What about the other blessings we take for granted? You may have a horrible job that doesn't pay well and stresses you out but do you know how blessed you are to have a job? You may have a poor relationship with your parent that is full of nothing but conflict but do you know how blessed you are to have your parent here on earth? Do you see where I am going with this?
I have always loved this saying:
A holiday like today just makes me pray for those who long to be mothers but aren't yet or never will be, mothers with angel babies, those who have a mother in heaven and anyone who longs for a better relationship with their mother. Maybe this is a sign of maturing but I find myself praying more for those without than celebrating what I already have. Don't get me wrong, my mother is incredible. She is the most compassionate, genuine, loving and strong woman of God I have ever met. She is my best friend and I know how blessed I am but it makes me want the same thing for others. I want others to get their miracles too.
Mother and daughter on my wedding day!
Be thankful for what you have and pray for others who may not have the same blessings. As I am going through these last difficult weeks of twin pregnancy, I will try to keep my thoughts on the joy that is coming and continue to pray for those still waiting for their own miracles.
37 Weeks
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
A change in prayers
Since the moment we found out we were having twins...we prayed to make it to the magical 36 week mark. We remember back to 10 weeks, 25 weeks and 31 weeks when we never thought we would make it this far. We are blessed and very thankful for the Lord's faithfulness during this time.
It is no secret that the past few weeks have been difficult on me physically, so it is no surprise that I am ready for the babies to arrive. It is just interesting how fast our prayers can change. For months we prayed, "Lord, please don't let me go into labor. Please keep the babies inside and give them more time." and then a few days ago it changed to "Lord, please let them come. Please don't make me wait another 2 weeks, I don't know if my body can handle it." God's plan for our babies arrive has never changed but yet our prayers constantly do based on our emotions and immediate circumstance. I am glad his plans are already done, the story already written because it shows how constant and consistent he is in all his promises.
The past week has not gone by without its own excitement. Our doctor appointment went very well on Friday and gave us a pleasant surprise that both babies are head down. Somehow, baby girl was able to turn herself during week 35 which rarely happens. This means that for the first time in our pregnancy, a vaginal birth had become a viable option. This threw me a bit as I have been preparing for a c-section. The change in position has opened up a whole new area of discussion between us and our doctor. During the ultrasound we also discovered that the babies estimated weights are 7lbs and 6lbs 1oz. The babies have been within a few ounces of each other so this was different. It is not something to be concerned about yet but they will keep a close eye on their growth at our next appointment on Friday. Ben and I sat in the waiting room after the ultrasound trying to wrap our heads around a possible change in our birth plan and what the weight difference means for our babies. It was a long wait while I resisted to Google "weight differences in twins."
Our doctor answered all our questions, calmed our nerves about the weight difference and gave us the go ahead and stop taking the medication that has been decreasing my contractions. We also discovered that I was 3 cm dilated and the doctor could actually feel Baby Boy's head! She stripped my membranes which usually jump starts labor and we were hoping for babies in the next few days! Well, we did make a trip to the hospital late Friday night with strong contractions every 3 minutes but soon after we arrived they slowed down. I was not in active labor. Myself, Ben and my mom left the hospital disappointed. This was the first visit that they were not trying to stop labor but start it. I really wanted it to happen while my mom was already in town for the weekend but we were sent home empty handed. What a different experience. We tried some other tricks in the book over the weekend but without luck.
We had another doctor appointment yesterday to check on some other things they were worried about regarding preeclampsia but the initial tests look good. I was planning to hear that I was at least another centimeter dilated but the doctor could no longer feel Baby Boy's head which means the babies have moved. We did an ultrasound to see what their positioning is and Baby Girl is more transverse (sideways) and Baby Boy has moved away from the exit. I feel like we took a few steps backwards but it could all change again at any moment. Baby Girl's move means that a vaginal birth is a risk that could equal a c-section as well. Their positions will be what makes the decision when we show up at the hospital for the real thing.
I am still spending each day trying to be thankful for another day of quiet and rest but we CANNOT wait to meet our babies. I have been actually getting better sleep the last few nights, the best in months. Part of me hopes that my body knows I need the rest for something ahead. :) I spend my days in a recliner, trying to keep the swelling down in my feet while I stare at an empty baby swing. I dream of what they look like and what our lives will look like in a week, a month and a year. Ben and I talk about watching Twins games with a baby on each of our chests. We have started to say their names out loud to each other in conversation. We also talk about the times in the past when we didn't know if anything like this would happen to us.
For now, we pray for patience and understanding that our babies need more time. We also pray about being able to go to our hospital and for a smooth birth, whatever we end up deciding on. We won't be making any announcements until the babies are here. I am not the type to share the play-by-play of their arrival. Thank you for following us on this journey. We are almost there and soon you will meet the two little miracles you have been praying for!
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It is no secret that the past few weeks have been difficult on me physically, so it is no surprise that I am ready for the babies to arrive. It is just interesting how fast our prayers can change. For months we prayed, "Lord, please don't let me go into labor. Please keep the babies inside and give them more time." and then a few days ago it changed to "Lord, please let them come. Please don't make me wait another 2 weeks, I don't know if my body can handle it." God's plan for our babies arrive has never changed but yet our prayers constantly do based on our emotions and immediate circumstance. I am glad his plans are already done, the story already written because it shows how constant and consistent he is in all his promises.
The past week has not gone by without its own excitement. Our doctor appointment went very well on Friday and gave us a pleasant surprise that both babies are head down. Somehow, baby girl was able to turn herself during week 35 which rarely happens. This means that for the first time in our pregnancy, a vaginal birth had become a viable option. This threw me a bit as I have been preparing for a c-section. The change in position has opened up a whole new area of discussion between us and our doctor. During the ultrasound we also discovered that the babies estimated weights are 7lbs and 6lbs 1oz. The babies have been within a few ounces of each other so this was different. It is not something to be concerned about yet but they will keep a close eye on their growth at our next appointment on Friday. Ben and I sat in the waiting room after the ultrasound trying to wrap our heads around a possible change in our birth plan and what the weight difference means for our babies. It was a long wait while I resisted to Google "weight differences in twins."
Our doctor answered all our questions, calmed our nerves about the weight difference and gave us the go ahead and stop taking the medication that has been decreasing my contractions. We also discovered that I was 3 cm dilated and the doctor could actually feel Baby Boy's head! She stripped my membranes which usually jump starts labor and we were hoping for babies in the next few days! Well, we did make a trip to the hospital late Friday night with strong contractions every 3 minutes but soon after we arrived they slowed down. I was not in active labor. Myself, Ben and my mom left the hospital disappointed. This was the first visit that they were not trying to stop labor but start it. I really wanted it to happen while my mom was already in town for the weekend but we were sent home empty handed. What a different experience. We tried some other tricks in the book over the weekend but without luck.
We had another doctor appointment yesterday to check on some other things they were worried about regarding preeclampsia but the initial tests look good. I was planning to hear that I was at least another centimeter dilated but the doctor could no longer feel Baby Boy's head which means the babies have moved. We did an ultrasound to see what their positioning is and Baby Girl is more transverse (sideways) and Baby Boy has moved away from the exit. I feel like we took a few steps backwards but it could all change again at any moment. Baby Girl's move means that a vaginal birth is a risk that could equal a c-section as well. Their positions will be what makes the decision when we show up at the hospital for the real thing.
I am still spending each day trying to be thankful for another day of quiet and rest but we CANNOT wait to meet our babies. I have been actually getting better sleep the last few nights, the best in months. Part of me hopes that my body knows I need the rest for something ahead. :) I spend my days in a recliner, trying to keep the swelling down in my feet while I stare at an empty baby swing. I dream of what they look like and what our lives will look like in a week, a month and a year. Ben and I talk about watching Twins games with a baby on each of our chests. We have started to say their names out loud to each other in conversation. We also talk about the times in the past when we didn't know if anything like this would happen to us.
For now, we pray for patience and understanding that our babies need more time. We also pray about being able to go to our hospital and for a smooth birth, whatever we end up deciding on. We won't be making any announcements until the babies are here. I am not the type to share the play-by-play of their arrival. Thank you for following us on this journey. We are almost there and soon you will meet the two little miracles you have been praying for!
36 Weeks 1 Day
Monday, April 28, 2014
The uterus that cried wolf...
I have been in a hospital more in the last 3 months than my whole life combined. We are now pros at getting to the hospital, knowing which entrance to go into depending on the day/hour, bringing my hospital bag, babies' bag and Ben's bag of entertainment and snacks. The first few trips, we didn't want to have the babies and we were happy to return home with empty arms but that is changing. At our last appointment the babies were 5lbs 6oz and 5lbs 9oz and they are doing great!
We are now at 35 weeks and 1 day, our OB is back from vacation and our house is completely ready for babies. Our babies are healthy and growing ahead of schedule. We are anxiously waiting to meet them so our trips to the hospital have a different feel. Last Saturday we had our more recent "false alarm" but it was bumpy this time. I have been taking medicine to reduce my contractions since the beginning of the month. I still get contractions, even on the medication, but they are mild and just uncomfortable. Saturday they started to get stronger and more frequent. The medicine didn't seem to impact them at all. Once they were 5 minutes apart and were starting to be painful, we made the call to come into St. Johns. We had some excitement knowing that this could be the beginning of labor but hesitant because our OB was still on vacation. Well, my calm/excited feeling faded fast when we found out that St. John's was full and couldn't take us. We had to go somewhere else. I LOVE St. John's and this was not something I anticipated happening. The doctor on call wanted us to go to United but we didn't like that option either. After a few phone calls, we were sent to Woodwinds in Woodbury.
Right off the bat, I just didn't feel good about being there. We get into the ER and one women is telling the staff that she is going to go home because she doesn't want to wait 4 hours again. The security guard was actually the one to call the maternity ward and ask for someone to come get us. This women comes to get us, no introduction but just start wheeling us down hallways. We get there and they put us in this hamster size room. No joke...the door (a curtain) to the room was about 3 feet past end of my bed and only wide enough for the bed, a chair and the baby monitoring cart side by side. My gut is telling me, I don't want to have my babies here. Please keep in mind, my hormones are off the wall lately. I calmed down a little when our nurse told us she had 13 year old twin boys but she soon would be ending her shift. I had a gown but they never offered me a robe. This bothered me since I had to walk out of my room into a hallway to go to a public restroom with my backside hanging out. Luckily, I had my own robe. By now, my excitement is gone and I just prayed for a reason for the contractions and discharge papers. Urine sample was "tainted" which meant it wasn't a UTI like last time. They tracked me and the babies for a while and had me change position. She checked my cervix, dilated 1 cm and I was 50% efface. That could have happened that night or over the past 10 days. They checked me again 2 hours later and no change. The "doctor on call" who I still have no clue who that was making these decisions since we never saw a doctor, wanted to keep me overnight for observation anyway. By now I am crying but not really sure the full reason why.
I can barely sleep at home and I knew I wouldn't sleep in the hospital bed at all. Ben was in this small chair that reclined. I just didn't want to be there. I wanted to be at my hospital, with my doctor and with a plan to hold my babies in my arms. Physically, I am spent and this was not helping. I am starting to lose it emotionally, physically and mentally. I am just tired of the false alarms.
All I can think is that this is another medical bill I will have to fight to get cleared up, another night of no sleep and we are no more closer to meeting out babies. Yes, it was a pity party but I needed to have at least a few this pregnancy. I know how blessed I am but I am human and carrying twins is hard. This night was the first night I really prayed for God to ease the physical impact of this pregnancy. Poor Ben just did what he could to console his emotional, inarticulate, confused wife in pain.
Finally, at 4 am I couldn't take it anymore. I called for the nurse and asked to go home. I hadn't had a contraction is almost 2 hours and I wasn't sleeping at all. Bless that nurse too..I am sure she has seen her share of crazy but I was less than delightful that night. She called the doctor, hocked me up to track babies and contractions for a while and they let me go. I think she thought I was upset because it wasn't "my hospital" but it was more than that.
Ben and I are thankful that our babies are still growing inside of me. I have to remind myself that I may be ready for them to arrive but they aren't ready yet. I have a new appreciation for my hospital and pray that when it IS time that they will have room for us. Our goal is to make it to 36 weeks which is 6 more days away. In 6 days...the experience of their births that I have hoped for is more of a reality. Since we are scheduled for a c-section, there is little I have control over but here is my wish list...
-They both enter the world with loud healthy cries
-Ben and I get to hold them (skin-to-skin) minutes after they are born
-I can nurse them when they first show interest
-Ben doesn't have to leave me in the OR to go with one or both babies to the NICU or Specialty Care Nursery(SCN)
-We have the option to keep them in our room with us all the time
-They go home WITH us and don't need additional time in the NICU/SCN...this is the big one. Leaving the hospital without both of your babies is trying for any parent.
We are closer to all of these wishes coming true with every day they continue to stay inside. I have always been and honest blogger and honestly...it has been a tough couple of days. Anyone who has had a difficult pregnancy, twins or not...knows this difficult place where your "miracle is making you miserable." A tagline from the book my brother gave Ben called, "Pregnancy Sucks for Men." I have been reading it because it does have some humor mixed in with the difficult parts of pregnancy and parenting.
I feel better today which why I wrote a new blog since yesterday's draft was...um, not uplifting? That is putting it gently. My prayers are different lately but still remind me of my full dependence on God to get through each day. It is easy to drift away as your dreams start to come true. I will try to be thankful for false alarms, an irritable uterus, aching muscles and sleepless night...but this is temporary and the joy that is coming is beyond what we can even comprehend.
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This is my new theme song...;)
We are now at 35 weeks and 1 day, our OB is back from vacation and our house is completely ready for babies. Our babies are healthy and growing ahead of schedule. We are anxiously waiting to meet them so our trips to the hospital have a different feel. Last Saturday we had our more recent "false alarm" but it was bumpy this time. I have been taking medicine to reduce my contractions since the beginning of the month. I still get contractions, even on the medication, but they are mild and just uncomfortable. Saturday they started to get stronger and more frequent. The medicine didn't seem to impact them at all. Once they were 5 minutes apart and were starting to be painful, we made the call to come into St. Johns. We had some excitement knowing that this could be the beginning of labor but hesitant because our OB was still on vacation. Well, my calm/excited feeling faded fast when we found out that St. John's was full and couldn't take us. We had to go somewhere else. I LOVE St. John's and this was not something I anticipated happening. The doctor on call wanted us to go to United but we didn't like that option either. After a few phone calls, we were sent to Woodwinds in Woodbury.
Right off the bat, I just didn't feel good about being there. We get into the ER and one women is telling the staff that she is going to go home because she doesn't want to wait 4 hours again. The security guard was actually the one to call the maternity ward and ask for someone to come get us. This women comes to get us, no introduction but just start wheeling us down hallways. We get there and they put us in this hamster size room. No joke...the door (a curtain) to the room was about 3 feet past end of my bed and only wide enough for the bed, a chair and the baby monitoring cart side by side. My gut is telling me, I don't want to have my babies here. Please keep in mind, my hormones are off the wall lately. I calmed down a little when our nurse told us she had 13 year old twin boys but she soon would be ending her shift. I had a gown but they never offered me a robe. This bothered me since I had to walk out of my room into a hallway to go to a public restroom with my backside hanging out. Luckily, I had my own robe. By now, my excitement is gone and I just prayed for a reason for the contractions and discharge papers. Urine sample was "tainted" which meant it wasn't a UTI like last time. They tracked me and the babies for a while and had me change position. She checked my cervix, dilated 1 cm and I was 50% efface. That could have happened that night or over the past 10 days. They checked me again 2 hours later and no change. The "doctor on call" who I still have no clue who that was making these decisions since we never saw a doctor, wanted to keep me overnight for observation anyway. By now I am crying but not really sure the full reason why.
I can barely sleep at home and I knew I wouldn't sleep in the hospital bed at all. Ben was in this small chair that reclined. I just didn't want to be there. I wanted to be at my hospital, with my doctor and with a plan to hold my babies in my arms. Physically, I am spent and this was not helping. I am starting to lose it emotionally, physically and mentally. I am just tired of the false alarms.
All I can think is that this is another medical bill I will have to fight to get cleared up, another night of no sleep and we are no more closer to meeting out babies. Yes, it was a pity party but I needed to have at least a few this pregnancy. I know how blessed I am but I am human and carrying twins is hard. This night was the first night I really prayed for God to ease the physical impact of this pregnancy. Poor Ben just did what he could to console his emotional, inarticulate, confused wife in pain.
Finally, at 4 am I couldn't take it anymore. I called for the nurse and asked to go home. I hadn't had a contraction is almost 2 hours and I wasn't sleeping at all. Bless that nurse too..I am sure she has seen her share of crazy but I was less than delightful that night. She called the doctor, hocked me up to track babies and contractions for a while and they let me go. I think she thought I was upset because it wasn't "my hospital" but it was more than that.
Ben and I are thankful that our babies are still growing inside of me. I have to remind myself that I may be ready for them to arrive but they aren't ready yet. I have a new appreciation for my hospital and pray that when it IS time that they will have room for us. Our goal is to make it to 36 weeks which is 6 more days away. In 6 days...the experience of their births that I have hoped for is more of a reality. Since we are scheduled for a c-section, there is little I have control over but here is my wish list...
-They both enter the world with loud healthy cries
-Ben and I get to hold them (skin-to-skin) minutes after they are born
-I can nurse them when they first show interest
-Ben doesn't have to leave me in the OR to go with one or both babies to the NICU or Specialty Care Nursery(SCN)
-We have the option to keep them in our room with us all the time
-They go home WITH us and don't need additional time in the NICU/SCN...this is the big one. Leaving the hospital without both of your babies is trying for any parent.
We are closer to all of these wishes coming true with every day they continue to stay inside. I have always been and honest blogger and honestly...it has been a tough couple of days. Anyone who has had a difficult pregnancy, twins or not...knows this difficult place where your "miracle is making you miserable." A tagline from the book my brother gave Ben called, "Pregnancy Sucks for Men." I have been reading it because it does have some humor mixed in with the difficult parts of pregnancy and parenting.
I feel better today which why I wrote a new blog since yesterday's draft was...um, not uplifting? That is putting it gently. My prayers are different lately but still remind me of my full dependence on God to get through each day. It is easy to drift away as your dreams start to come true. I will try to be thankful for false alarms, an irritable uterus, aching muscles and sleepless night...but this is temporary and the joy that is coming is beyond what we can even comprehend.
35 weeks 1 day
This is my new theme song...;)
Sunday, April 20, 2014
They didn't know Sunday was coming...
It is a big day for us for two reasons! #1 Easter and #2 We made it to 34 Weeks!!!
I haven't been able to shake this idea that when Jesus was cruicified, they didn't know Sunday (His resurrection) was coming. I have been thinking about this ever since I read a post from this blog www.trialsbringjoy.wordpress.com and I wanted to give her credit because the words have stuck with me. The blog talks about how they didn't know Sunday was coming. They didn't know Jesus would conquer death and be resurrected. What a dark and sad day it must have been on the Friday and Saturday before. It must have felt...hopeless.
I think we have all had times in our lives that felt like "Sunday was never coming." When you are waiting to start your family and every month comes with another wave of disappointment, it can make you doubt that "Sunday" will ever arrive. When you apply for dozens of jobs without any interviews, it can make you doubt that "Sunday" will every arrive.
Without the hope of Christ, I wonder how people make it through the day. I have often said that the best way I can describe what it is like to be a Christian is that I always have hope. Without hope, what is there that makes us take one more step towards a goal that seems impossible? Without hope, why would we keep trying when we encounter failure after failure? Satan tells us their is no hope but somehow we all feel that little voice telling us that it will be ok. That is the hope that Christ gave us when he rose on the 3rd day. He showed us that this life isn't the end. Our story can have an alternate ending at any point in time. A happy ending that He already paid the price for, with the hope that you would take Him up on his offer. Your ticket has already been bought and it was a price none of us could have ever paid on our own.
This Easter I just keep thinking of the concept that they didn't know Sunday was coming and how thankful I am to know the ending to the story. Whatever your "Sunday" may be...it is coming.
Our "Sunday"...the arrival of our miracle babies...is almost here. 12 days ago we were sitting in a hospital room talking about the NICU, medications, birth plans and contractions. We were not sure we would make it to 34 weeks but the Lord has blessed us with a little more time for our little ones to grow. We had a brief visit again on Wednesday but turned out to be a UTI which can cause contractions. We were happily sent home with antibiotics a few hours later. I am still on modified bed rest with a few short outings allowed. I can officially say that we are ready and have all the baby stuff we need. The more we look at empty baby swings, bassinets and cribs, the more we are anxious for their arrival. Ben and I are enjoying our time together as we know it will be very different very soon. For over 8 years, it has just been us and our fur baby Drew but we are ready for the next adventure. Our next goal is 36 weeks! At that point they will take me off of any medications to decrease contractions and let it happen. At 36 weeks, our babies can stay in the room with us an shouldn't need any time in a specialty care nursery or NICU. Our doctor is on vacation this week, so we at least hope to make it to 35 weeks so she can do our delivery.
Our last ultrasound was successful and both babies scored 8/8 based on the things they should be doing. We could see them practice their breathing and movements. On Monday, they weighed about 4lbs 13oz each and will continue to gain almost an ounce a day. Next ultrasound and appointment is on Wednesday and I can't wait to see them. It is pretty crowded at this point but I still love seeing them on the screen.
Continued prayers that we make it to the golden 36 week mark! A hope that I can get a little more sleep. My body is hitting a breaking point and I can sleep for about an hour at a time until the position is no longer comfortable. I would rather wake to crying babies and round ligament and hip pain! More prayers that my insurance company gets their act together, my claims are still a total mess and it causes me stress. Finally, pray that I will know if something is off. I have usually
trusted my "gut" but the hormones of 3 people will mess that up. I track their movements everyday but Baby B is much harder to track because his placenta is on the outside so everything is softer. Plus, their positioning makes it difficult to tell who is the one moving sometimes.I know the Lord is in control and we are so close!
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I haven't been able to shake this idea that when Jesus was cruicified, they didn't know Sunday (His resurrection) was coming. I have been thinking about this ever since I read a post from this blog www.trialsbringjoy.wordpress.com and I wanted to give her credit because the words have stuck with me. The blog talks about how they didn't know Sunday was coming. They didn't know Jesus would conquer death and be resurrected. What a dark and sad day it must have been on the Friday and Saturday before. It must have felt...hopeless.
I think we have all had times in our lives that felt like "Sunday was never coming." When you are waiting to start your family and every month comes with another wave of disappointment, it can make you doubt that "Sunday" will ever arrive. When you apply for dozens of jobs without any interviews, it can make you doubt that "Sunday" will every arrive.
Without the hope of Christ, I wonder how people make it through the day. I have often said that the best way I can describe what it is like to be a Christian is that I always have hope. Without hope, what is there that makes us take one more step towards a goal that seems impossible? Without hope, why would we keep trying when we encounter failure after failure? Satan tells us their is no hope but somehow we all feel that little voice telling us that it will be ok. That is the hope that Christ gave us when he rose on the 3rd day. He showed us that this life isn't the end. Our story can have an alternate ending at any point in time. A happy ending that He already paid the price for, with the hope that you would take Him up on his offer. Your ticket has already been bought and it was a price none of us could have ever paid on our own.
This Easter I just keep thinking of the concept that they didn't know Sunday was coming and how thankful I am to know the ending to the story. Whatever your "Sunday" may be...it is coming.
Our "Sunday"...the arrival of our miracle babies...is almost here. 12 days ago we were sitting in a hospital room talking about the NICU, medications, birth plans and contractions. We were not sure we would make it to 34 weeks but the Lord has blessed us with a little more time for our little ones to grow. We had a brief visit again on Wednesday but turned out to be a UTI which can cause contractions. We were happily sent home with antibiotics a few hours later. I am still on modified bed rest with a few short outings allowed. I can officially say that we are ready and have all the baby stuff we need. The more we look at empty baby swings, bassinets and cribs, the more we are anxious for their arrival. Ben and I are enjoying our time together as we know it will be very different very soon. For over 8 years, it has just been us and our fur baby Drew but we are ready for the next adventure. Our next goal is 36 weeks! At that point they will take me off of any medications to decrease contractions and let it happen. At 36 weeks, our babies can stay in the room with us an shouldn't need any time in a specialty care nursery or NICU. Our doctor is on vacation this week, so we at least hope to make it to 35 weeks so she can do our delivery.
Our last ultrasound was successful and both babies scored 8/8 based on the things they should be doing. We could see them practice their breathing and movements. On Monday, they weighed about 4lbs 13oz each and will continue to gain almost an ounce a day. Next ultrasound and appointment is on Wednesday and I can't wait to see them. It is pretty crowded at this point but I still love seeing them on the screen.
Continued prayers that we make it to the golden 36 week mark! A hope that I can get a little more sleep. My body is hitting a breaking point and I can sleep for about an hour at a time until the position is no longer comfortable. I would rather wake to crying babies and round ligament and hip pain! More prayers that my insurance company gets their act together, my claims are still a total mess and it causes me stress. Finally, pray that I will know if something is off. I have usually
trusted my "gut" but the hormones of 3 people will mess that up. I track their movements everyday but Baby B is much harder to track because his placenta is on the outside so everything is softer. Plus, their positioning makes it difficult to tell who is the one moving sometimes.I know the Lord is in control and we are so close!
34 Weeks 0 Days
Monday, April 14, 2014
No news is good news!!
I am almost to the point where I don't even know what to blog about! I feel like we have everything and nothing happening at the same time lately. We have been home for a week and it feels SO good to be home. Mostly, I love sleeping next to Ben and being with him more. He calms me. Nothing will make you more anxious than laying awake, alone in a hospital room! It has been hard to look at piles of mail, laundry and other random things around the house knowing that I can't work on anything. Ben has been amazing with taking care of me, putting my socks on and feeding me constantly but organizing diapers and baby clothes isn't really his thing.
This weekend my mom came up to help us get ready and to come to my last baby shower hosted by Ben's family. She did everything from cooking, organizing presents, cutting my toe nails, cleaning the fridge and driving me around. I feel SO much more ready after her visit. She also got to see the babies on an ultrasound today!
When they are this big, the picture isn't the best but we still got some good pics and watched them practice heir breathing. They both measured around 4lbs 13oz! I am just so proud of them! They will still gain about an ounce each, per day. We are getting so close to 34 weeks but our doctor is on vacation from week 34 to week 35, so we really want to hold off until 35 weeks for a variety of reasons. The anticipation of wanting to meet them is getting tough to contain. I want to see their faces and kiss their cheeks and touch their toes. Ben and I talk about how our excitement to meet them is rising and then we have to calm ourselves down. We have waited this long, we can wait another week...or two.
At this point, it looks promising that we will make it another few weeks. The medicine I am taking seems to be keeping the contractions at bay. I am mostly on bed rest, with a few little field trips here and there. The babies are moving so much now even though they are getting more crowded in there. Ben and I play a game where we feel a body part and try to guess if it was a butt or a head, foot or elbow.
We did have an ultrasound today and it looks like Baby Boy decided he wants to be first in line. When you have twins they assign the title "Baby A" to whoever is presenting first which means, whoever has a body part the closest to the exit gets to be Baby A. Well, last week Baby A only had a foot in front of her brothers head. In the last week she must of moved her foot and Baby B's head just slipped down a little more. I just wonder if how they act in there will translate to their personalities when they get older?
Now, it is all about milestones and looking forward to events coming up. It was such a big deal to make it to the baby shower yesterday and it was so fun! I got to have a shower with my sister-in-law Stacie and our babies are due weeks apart. Next milestone is Easter, but I will be laying SUPER low because it is the beginning of our OB being vacation. We will be extra careful that week. I think we may need to get a new DVD or TV Series that week to keep me distracted! I am still working from home and keeping my mind busy. I will try to blog more and post more pics. Today when Ben saw me he swore I was bigger today than yesterday! LOL
At this point,we tell our families "No news is good news" so let's pray for no news till MAY!
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This weekend my mom came up to help us get ready and to come to my last baby shower hosted by Ben's family. She did everything from cooking, organizing presents, cutting my toe nails, cleaning the fridge and driving me around. I feel SO much more ready after her visit. She also got to see the babies on an ultrasound today!
When they are this big, the picture isn't the best but we still got some good pics and watched them practice heir breathing. They both measured around 4lbs 13oz! I am just so proud of them! They will still gain about an ounce each, per day. We are getting so close to 34 weeks but our doctor is on vacation from week 34 to week 35, so we really want to hold off until 35 weeks for a variety of reasons. The anticipation of wanting to meet them is getting tough to contain. I want to see their faces and kiss their cheeks and touch their toes. Ben and I talk about how our excitement to meet them is rising and then we have to calm ourselves down. We have waited this long, we can wait another week...or two.
At this point, it looks promising that we will make it another few weeks. The medicine I am taking seems to be keeping the contractions at bay. I am mostly on bed rest, with a few little field trips here and there. The babies are moving so much now even though they are getting more crowded in there. Ben and I play a game where we feel a body part and try to guess if it was a butt or a head, foot or elbow.
We did have an ultrasound today and it looks like Baby Boy decided he wants to be first in line. When you have twins they assign the title "Baby A" to whoever is presenting first which means, whoever has a body part the closest to the exit gets to be Baby A. Well, last week Baby A only had a foot in front of her brothers head. In the last week she must of moved her foot and Baby B's head just slipped down a little more. I just wonder if how they act in there will translate to their personalities when they get older?
Now, it is all about milestones and looking forward to events coming up. It was such a big deal to make it to the baby shower yesterday and it was so fun! I got to have a shower with my sister-in-law Stacie and our babies are due weeks apart. Next milestone is Easter, but I will be laying SUPER low because it is the beginning of our OB being vacation. We will be extra careful that week. I think we may need to get a new DVD or TV Series that week to keep me distracted! I am still working from home and keeping my mind busy. I will try to blog more and post more pics. Today when Ben saw me he swore I was bigger today than yesterday! LOL
At this point,we tell our families "No news is good news" so let's pray for no news till MAY!
33 Weeks
Sunday, April 6, 2014
The man behind the bump
I have to write this post before it is too late and the babies arrive! For those of you who have met my husband, you know he is not your typical guy. There are very few men out there like him and I consider myself extremely blessed.
Ben is a man who loves being in love. He still brings me flowers just because. He will go get something in my purse for me at 11:00pm just so I don't have to get out of bed. He did all these wonderful things before I was pregnant. Ben was ready to be a daddy about 20 minutes after we got married but God had other plans. We have been through a lot together in the past almost 8 years. It was not always rainbows and roses but we are a stronger couple now than ever before. We still hold hands all the time, say "I love you" a dozen times a day and miss each other after being apart a few hours.
We are going to need to be strong as we become partners in the adventure of twin parenthood. When there are two babies, there is no "it's your turn" argument! I have full faith that Ben will be an amazing Daddy because he already takes such great care of me. Ben is one of the most loyal, compassionate and loving person I have ever met.
I can't wait to see his dreams come true when his daughter and son arrive and our family is complete. Here is my man sleeping on a super uncomfortable couch in the hospital room. Not having me home with him has been really tough since I was admitted to the hospital but he is being amazing about it all.
Ben, I love you more every day and I wouldn't want to take this crazy journey with any one else.
We are officially 32 Weeks today. Another HUGE milestone for our little ones. They grow about an ounce a day each and they are practicing the sucking motion so they can feed when they are born. We are still unsure of how each day will proceed but it is very likely that we will be here until they arrive. I need to be resting, in bed, all the time and the only way to ensure that is if I stay here. Being still like this is very hard for someone like me who is always on the GO! But for my babies, I can make it work. I am still able to work from the hospital which is another huge blessing and I am starting to have Ben bring me some comforts from home. I mostly miss my DVR, eating my own snacks and wearing real clothes! My mental state is just as important as my physical, so I need to look at each day as part of a marathon. For each day they stay in, it is 2 less days in the NICU. The great news is that the babies look amazing. They are about 4 1/2 pounds each and are measuring/acting a little older than they are. I am already such a proud Mama!
I had a wonderful baby shower here at the hospital yesterday! Here are pictures of the banners my friend Jess made and the centerpiece that my sister-in-law Magen made! It was so nice to see people who have been involved in different stages of my life, all come together. My Mom and Dad were also up this weekend to visit and everything is always better when Mom is there. I have more visitors coming and it helps break up the time! I am considering creating a pen pal (remember those?) program for all the "pre-termers" in the maternity ward here.
We love the prayers and support from all of you! I hope to blog a bit more and keep everyone updated but our big prayer is that we make it till 34 Weeks....13 more days
Ben is a man who loves being in love. He still brings me flowers just because. He will go get something in my purse for me at 11:00pm just so I don't have to get out of bed. He did all these wonderful things before I was pregnant. Ben was ready to be a daddy about 20 minutes after we got married but God had other plans. We have been through a lot together in the past almost 8 years. It was not always rainbows and roses but we are a stronger couple now than ever before. We still hold hands all the time, say "I love you" a dozen times a day and miss each other after being apart a few hours.
We are going to need to be strong as we become partners in the adventure of twin parenthood. When there are two babies, there is no "it's your turn" argument! I have full faith that Ben will be an amazing Daddy because he already takes such great care of me. Ben is one of the most loyal, compassionate and loving person I have ever met.
I can't wait to see his dreams come true when his daughter and son arrive and our family is complete. Here is my man sleeping on a super uncomfortable couch in the hospital room. Not having me home with him has been really tough since I was admitted to the hospital but he is being amazing about it all.
Ben, I love you more every day and I wouldn't want to take this crazy journey with any one else.
We are officially 32 Weeks today. Another HUGE milestone for our little ones. They grow about an ounce a day each and they are practicing the sucking motion so they can feed when they are born. We are still unsure of how each day will proceed but it is very likely that we will be here until they arrive. I need to be resting, in bed, all the time and the only way to ensure that is if I stay here. Being still like this is very hard for someone like me who is always on the GO! But for my babies, I can make it work. I am still able to work from the hospital which is another huge blessing and I am starting to have Ben bring me some comforts from home. I mostly miss my DVR, eating my own snacks and wearing real clothes! My mental state is just as important as my physical, so I need to look at each day as part of a marathon. For each day they stay in, it is 2 less days in the NICU. The great news is that the babies look amazing. They are about 4 1/2 pounds each and are measuring/acting a little older than they are. I am already such a proud Mama!
I had a wonderful baby shower here at the hospital yesterday! Here are pictures of the banners my friend Jess made and the centerpiece that my sister-in-law Magen made! It was so nice to see people who have been involved in different stages of my life, all come together. My Mom and Dad were also up this weekend to visit and everything is always better when Mom is there. I have more visitors coming and it helps break up the time! I am considering creating a pen pal (remember those?) program for all the "pre-termers" in the maternity ward here.
We love the prayers and support from all of you! I hope to blog a bit more and keep everyone updated but our big prayer is that we make it till 34 Weeks....13 more days
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