They didn't know Sunday was coming...

It is a big day for us for two reasons! #1 Easter and #2 We made it to 34 Weeks!!!

I haven't been able to shake this idea that when Jesus was cruicified, they didn't know Sunday (His resurrection) was coming. I have been thinking about this ever since I read a post from this blog www.trialsbringjoy.wordpress.com and I wanted to give her credit because the words have stuck with me. The blog talks about how they didn't know Sunday was coming. They didn't know Jesus would conquer death and be resurrected. What a dark and sad day it must have been on the Friday and Saturday before. It must have felt...hopeless.

I think we have all had times in our lives that felt like "Sunday was never coming." When you are waiting to start your family and every month comes with another wave of disappointment, it can make you doubt that "Sunday" will ever arrive. When you apply for dozens of jobs without any interviews, it can make you doubt that "Sunday" will every arrive.

Without the hope of Christ, I wonder how people make it through the day. I have often said that the best way I can describe what it is like to be a Christian is that I always have hope. Without hope, what is there that makes us take one more step towards a goal that seems impossible? Without hope, why would we keep trying when we encounter failure after failure? Satan tells us their is no hope but somehow we all feel that little voice telling us that it will be ok. That is the hope that Christ gave us when he rose on the 3rd day. He showed us that this life isn't the end. Our story can have an alternate ending at any point in time. A happy ending that He already paid the price for, with the hope that you would take Him up on his offer. Your ticket has already been bought and it was a price none of us could have ever paid on our own.

This Easter I just keep thinking of the concept that they didn't know Sunday was coming and how thankful I am to know the ending to the story. Whatever your "Sunday" may be...it is coming.

Our "Sunday"...the arrival of our miracle babies...is almost here. 12 days ago we were sitting in a hospital room talking about the NICU, medications, birth plans and contractions. We were not sure we would make it to 34 weeks but the Lord has blessed us with a little more time for our little ones to grow. We had a brief visit again on Wednesday but turned out to be a UTI which can cause contractions. We were happily sent home with antibiotics a few hours later. I am still on modified bed rest with a few short outings allowed. I can officially say that we are ready and have all the baby stuff we need. The more we look at empty baby swings, bassinets and cribs, the more we are anxious for their arrival. Ben and I are enjoying our time together as we know it will be very different very soon. For over 8 years, it has just been us and our fur baby Drew but we are ready for the next adventure. Our next goal is 36 weeks! At that point they will take me off of any medications to decrease contractions and let it happen. At 36 weeks, our babies can stay in the room with us an shouldn't need any time in a specialty care nursery or NICU. Our doctor is on vacation this week, so we at least hope to make it to 35 weeks so she can do our delivery.

Our last ultrasound was successful and both babies scored 8/8 based on the things they should be doing. We could see them practice their breathing and movements. On Monday, they weighed about 4lbs 13oz each and will continue to gain almost an ounce a day. Next ultrasound and appointment is on Wednesday and I can't wait to see them. It is pretty crowded at this point but I still love seeing them on the screen. 

Continued prayers that we make it to the golden 36 week mark! A hope that I can get a little more sleep. My body is hitting a breaking point and I can sleep for about an hour at a time until the position is no longer comfortable. I would rather wake to crying babies and round ligament and hip pain! More prayers that my insurance company gets their act together, my claims are still a total mess and it causes me stress. Finally, pray that I will know if something is off. I have usually
trusted my "gut" but the hormones of 3 people will mess that up. I track their movements everyday but Baby B is much harder to track because his placenta is on the outside so everything is softer. Plus, their positioning makes it difficult to tell who is the one moving sometimes.I know the Lord is in control and we are so close!

34 Weeks 0 Days

No news is good news!!

I am almost to the point where I don't even know what to blog about! I feel like we have everything and nothing happening at the same time lately. We have been home for a week and it feels SO good to be home. Mostly, I love sleeping next to Ben and being with him more. He calms me. Nothing will make you more anxious than laying awake, alone in a hospital room! It has been hard to look at piles of mail, laundry and other random things around the house knowing that I can't work on anything. Ben has been amazing with taking care of me, putting my socks on and feeding me constantly but organizing diapers and baby clothes isn't really his thing.

This weekend my mom came up to help us get ready and to come to my last baby shower hosted by Ben's family. She did everything from cooking, organizing presents, cutting my toe nails, cleaning the fridge and driving me around. I feel SO much more ready after her visit. She also got to see the babies on an ultrasound today!

When they are this big, the picture isn't the best but we still got some good pics and watched them practice heir breathing. They both measured around 4lbs 13oz! I am just so proud of them! They will still gain about an ounce each, per day. We are getting so close to 34 weeks but our doctor is on vacation from week 34 to week 35, so we really want to hold off until 35 weeks for a variety of reasons. The anticipation of wanting to meet them is getting tough to contain. I want to see their faces and kiss their cheeks and touch their toes. Ben and I talk about how our excitement to meet them is rising and then we have to calm ourselves down. We have waited this long, we can wait another week...or two.

At this point, it looks promising that we will make it another few weeks. The medicine I am taking seems to be keeping the contractions at bay. I am mostly on bed rest, with a few little field trips here and there. The babies are moving so much now even though they are getting more crowded in there. Ben and I play a game where we feel a body part and try to guess if it was a butt or a head, foot or elbow.

We did have an ultrasound today and it looks like Baby Boy decided he wants to be first in line. When you have twins they assign the title "Baby A" to whoever is presenting first which means, whoever has a body part the closest to the exit gets to be Baby A. Well, last week Baby A only had a foot in front of her brothers head. In the last week she must of moved her foot and Baby B's head just slipped down a little more. I just wonder if how they act in there will translate to their personalities when they get older?

Now, it is all about milestones and looking forward to events coming up. It was such a big deal to make it to the baby shower yesterday and it was so fun! I got to have a shower with my sister-in-law Stacie and our babies are due weeks apart. Next milestone is Easter, but I will be laying SUPER low  because it is the beginning of our OB being vacation. We will be extra careful that week. I think we may need to get a new DVD or TV Series that week to keep me distracted! I am still working from home and keeping my mind busy. I will try to blog more and post more pics. Today when Ben saw me he swore I was bigger today than yesterday! LOL

At this point,we tell our families "No news is good news" so let's pray for no news till MAY!

33 Weeks

The man behind the bump

I have to write this post before it is too late and the babies arrive! For those of you who have met my husband, you know he is not your typical guy. There are very few men out there like him and I consider myself extremely blessed.

Ben is a man who loves being in love. He still brings me flowers just because. He will go get something in my purse for me at 11:00pm just so I don't have to get out of bed. He did all these wonderful things before I was pregnant. Ben was ready to be a daddy about 20 minutes after we got married but God had other plans. We have been through a lot together in the past almost 8 years. It was not always rainbows and roses but we are a stronger couple now than ever before. We still hold hands all the time, say "I love you" a dozen times a day and miss each other after being apart a few hours.

We are going to need to be strong as we become partners in the adventure of twin parenthood. When there are two babies, there is no "it's your turn" argument! I have full faith that Ben will be an amazing Daddy because he already takes such great care of me. Ben is one of the most loyal, compassionate and loving person I have ever met.

I can't wait to see his dreams come true when his daughter and son arrive and our family is complete. Here is my man sleeping on a super uncomfortable couch in the hospital room. Not having me home with him has been really tough since I was admitted to the hospital but he is being amazing about it all.

Ben, I love you more every day and I wouldn't want to take this crazy journey with any one else.

We are officially 32 Weeks today. Another HUGE milestone for our little ones. They grow about an ounce a day each and they are practicing the sucking motion so they can feed when they are born. We are still unsure of how each day will proceed but it is very likely that we will be here until they arrive. I need to be resting, in bed, all the time and the only way to ensure that is if I stay here. Being still like this is very hard for someone like me who is always on the GO! But for my babies, I can make it work. I am still able to work from the hospital which is another huge blessing and I am starting to have Ben bring me some comforts from home. I mostly miss my DVR, eating my own snacks and wearing real clothes! My mental state is just as important as my physical, so I need to look at each day as part of a marathon. For each day they stay in, it is 2 less days in the NICU. The great news is that the babies look amazing. They are about 4 1/2 pounds each and are measuring/acting a little older than they are. I am already such a proud Mama!

I had a wonderful baby shower here at the hospital yesterday! Here are pictures of the banners my friend Jess made and the centerpiece that my sister-in-law Magen made! It was so nice to see people who have been involved in different stages of my life, all come together. My Mom and Dad were also up this weekend to visit and everything is always better when Mom is there. I have more visitors coming and it helps break up the time! I am considering creating a pen pal (remember those?) program for all the "pre-termers" in the maternity ward here.

We love the prayers and support from all of you! I hope to blog a bit more and keep everyone updated but our big prayer is that we make it till 34 Weeks....13 more days

It's all about the weight...I mean wait

We are 31 weeks 0 days today! Every week is another big milestone. The average twins are born at 35 weeks so we are looking as meeting our little ones very soon. It could be any day but we are just crossing our fingers we make it till May. I am getting more and more excited to finally have our family complete but their health is more important. I will take a huge sigh of relief once we hit 35 weeks. The latest our doctor will let me go is 38 weeks...mid-May.

When I think of another 4-7 weeks of my belly growing...I have no idea how my body will look and handle it all. Luckily, I have been told I have a "body to carry twins" which I will take as a compliment. The only time in my life that my body was made to do something that has turned into a blessing. I feel pretty big and the only really painful part has been the"round ligament pain." These are the muscles that hold your stomach/abdomen up. Mine feel like they are going to rip every time I get up, roll over, and get in or out of a car. This is minor compared to being put on bed rest or other issues.

I have to wonder if I am handling the weight of twins better because I have been this size before? I am getting closer and closer to my highest weight...266. I have gained about 37 pounds for this pregnancy which is right on track. I was told to prepare to gain 45-50 pounds total for twins. At this point, any weight I gain feels like direct weight the babies are gaining. My body looks and feels SO different from the 266 pounds I once was. My face, arms, and legs look about the same! I am already trying to prepare myself for the journey back to a healthy weight after the babies are here. I have to be healthy to keep up with two little ones, a very active husband and our dog, Drew. It is somewhat comforting that I have lost the weight once before...I can do it again.

We have officially entered the phase where strangers assume that I have a baby due any day. The looks on their faces when I tell them it's twins and we still have 6 weeks to go varies from excitement to concern. I find myself struggling with this final "wait." We have been waiting to have kids for what feels like forever. Some days I feel like I have been waiting to be a mom since I held my first doll. I have never been so excited, terrified, overwhelmed, absolutely in love, unprepared but ready...in my whole life. We are waiting for our lives to change...drastically. We don't know when it will happen or how it will happen but our family is about to be complete.

Below are some samples of our maternity pictures taken by my dear friend Jess.

 31 weeks 0 Days

 Go TWINS!

 Big brother Drew!! 

My parents gave us this for Christmas this year. Our only ultrasound picture with both babies! 

The frame says "Love at first sight."

The date on the orange juice

I was getting my orange juice, which I drink every morning, when I noticed the date on the carton.

May 5, 2014

It just hit me that we could have babies by then or very soon after. May 18th is the very last day I would be pregnant and the time is going by much faster now. The reality is setting in that in the very near future, Ben and I will be given 2 very little humans to bring home for good. We finished our prenatal class for multiples last week and even though it was very informative, we still feel like there is so much more to learn. I guess the majority will be "on the job training."

The babies are moving so much more and they are more controlled movements. Think of stretching verses kicking. I could watch my stomach move for hours. Since we have no idea when this pregnancy will end, I am trying to savor every single day. I know that I will miss being pregnant and I am almost positive that this will be our one and only pregnancy. Here is a short list of my favorite things about being pregnant...

1) I don't have to suck it in...at all! I can remember sucking in my stomach for pictures when I was even a little kid. My body type has caused me to always think about how my stomach sticks out but during this time...the bigger it looks the better!

1.5) You would think that eating whatever I want would make this list but that hasn't been the case. When you are having twins, nutrition is a  BIG deal. This is more so for women who are underweight or petite...haha, I am not in that category.Every book I read at first was about eating the right foods to get your babies to grow big enough to help them survive. I was also aware from the beginning that I would be gaining 45-55 pounds. When we were hoping for one baby, I was determined to gain no more than 20 pounds (which would be healthy for my beginning BMI) but things change. Yes, I eat a donut now and then without massive guilt but I think about all that I eat. I try to ask myself, "If I knew they were going to be born tomorrow and only weighed 3 1/2 pounds each...would I still eat this or would I choose something else?"

2) The way strangers smile at you. People (mostly older people) seem to feel joy when they see a pregnant person. My favorite strangers are the ones who know or have twins. They are so excited for me and tell me all the wonderful things about twins. They also tell me that all the hard work it worth it. Some strangers feel the need to feel bad for us, warn us about the hard work, sleepless nights and so on. I have been amazed at the negative things people will say...but they have no idea how long we have prayed for a family.

3) I am a walking (waddling) example of a double miracle from God. I was an example of his grace, love and forgiveness before but now my body is showing his greatest miracle of all. I don't know how you can feel a baby move inside of you and see a newborn baby and not believe in God. This is His masterpiece in the making. Soon we will have those 2 miracles out in the world but there is something special about feeling God work inside of my body to grow these babies.

4) Finally, the way this pregnancy has helped me to let go of control and trust in God more than I ever imagined. Trusting that God will answer your prayers and trusting that he won't take those answered prayers away are two different levels of trust. I can't trust my body, my doctor, modern science or my intuition. He is the only constant. Ben and I walked through the ER last week on our way to be monitored last week. The same ER that we went to in the middle of the night at 10 1/2 weeks. The scariest night of both of our lives when we thought we would lose one or both babies. I couldn't even tell you what my prayers were that night but I had to trust that we would be ok. At that stage, I was prepared for the worse but now...I couldn't imagine and luckily I don't have to. Even if they were born tomorrow, they would very likely be perfectly fine after a few weeks in the hospital. We would still have our children, our family. I know that this is all in preparation for me to continue to trust Him as we enter parenthood.

We spent a lot time this weekend getting the nursery ready and sorting through beautiful gifts and clothes that people have given us. We also took our maternity pictures! Another milestone...bringing us closer to their arrival.

Below is my 30 week picture...you may notice I look a little tired because I AM! We have been so busy lately and it was another long weekend but we had to get the picture taken!

 To see the progression from the beginning, click on "Bump Pictures"

Blessed, busy and 29 weeks!

I am a week behind on the blogging but things have been SO busy lately. The time is going by much faster even though I am moving slower and slower! My body is feeling the weight, literally, and even small tasks are getting tougher. Here are some highlights of the last 2 weeks:

Our Church baby shower was so fun! It was great to see such wonderful women in my church community come around me. They are so full of wisdom, excitement and encouragement. Many of them were part of my Made to Crave Bible study. I think we will do a second round this Fall to help me lose the baby weight!

We have started to take our prenatal class that is just for multiples. It has been really informative and nice to meet some other parents-to-be of twins. Last class was on breastfeeding and it was really overwhelming. The logistics alone of trying to feed twins can make your head spin. We will just take it one day at a time...

We made it to Cable for my family baby shower!! I was so happy that my doctor cleared me to go because I have always had a dream to have my wedding and my baby shower at The Lakewoods Resort. I was able to show my Grandpa and Grandma my big belly and spend some much needed time with my parents. It was weird to think that the next time I will be in their house, it will be with two additional people! We got so many wonderful gifts...our babies will be very spoiled.

We had another ultrasound before the Cable trip and they are so big! Baby girl is head down and she even stuck her tongue out at us! We also got to watch her take a big yawn. They look perfect. Baby boy is breech with his little butt right in his sister's face. They were 2 pounds 5 ounces and 2 pounds 6 ounces but that was almost 2 weeks ago. They are growing about an ounce a day now! We hit another BIG milestone with 28 weeks...babies have a 90% chance of living if born at that point. Today we hit 29 weeks...even better!

We did spend some time at St. John's last night just getting monitored because I was having too many braxton hicks contractions. We were there for about 4 hours, tracking babies and contractions. They checked my cervix twice and with no changes at all, we were gladly sent home. I think I just stood too long at the Moms of Multiples Sale yesterday morning combined with a few nights of very little sleep. I am just praying that I can keep working until at least May 1st but that is really out of my control.

Here are some great pictures from the last few weeks...

 The wonderful women of my Church Small Group!

 Cable Baby Shower

 28 Weeks

Since I am growing every day, I am going to wait to post 29 Weeks until the end of the week!

I can't "stress" this enough...

Well, we made it another week. 27 weeks! This week was, thankfully, not too eventful on the pregnancy front. We had some good news when I passed my glucose and iron tests. This was a huge relief because my chances of having gestational diabetes is much higher with twins. I have been trying really hard to rest more at night when the braxton hicks contractions start happening. Even though they don't hurt, I would still need to go into the hospital if I have more than 6 contractions in an hour. When I get the first one, I make sure my bladder is empty (full bladders cause contractions), lay down and drink 2 glasses of water. This has been working pretty well but my stress level has been much higher this week.

I didn't realize the low level of stress I have had this whole pregnancy until last week when it spiked. My one (and only) full-time co-worker in the state of MN put in his 2 week notice on Monday. We are also opening the new campus this week. To save you from the details, usually in this situation I would be required to cover the empty campus until they hired someone else. We would be looking at 11 hour days M-F and that would include 2 hours or more of commuting daily in rush hour. I have never been a person to say "no" to my boss. I have always been more than willing to step up and help the team whenever able but I have a new team to take care of. The initial stress of telling my company that I "physically" was not able to do what they were asking was really hard. I have only been with this company since August and even though I have been performing above average, it was still difficult.

The week continued to be stressful as I spoke with HR about how to navigate my limitations while discovering a mix-up with my healthcare plan. Nothing will bring a pregnant woman to tears like telling me my OB isn't in my network any more!! Luckily, it was a problem on their end...and my OB is still in the network. It took about a week to get the coverage plan for my co-worker leaving but that in between time was stressful. I was also dreading my glucose test on Friday. Then add the fear of losing friends that are still struggling to get pregnant and not being cleared yet to travel to my family baby shower. Not that I sleep much anyway but I would lay awake thinking about more than just diapers and sleep training.

The stress has had a direct effect on my contractions this week. What is hard is that when I get that first contraction, I get worried. I lay down and start watching the clock, writing down when they happen...praying that we don't have to go back to the ER again. This stress then causes more contractions...do you see the cycle!? I am trying to actively calm down every night but it has been tough.

I made myself a promise to never complain about any pregnancy symptoms to anyone beside my Mom and Ben. I have been good about this and this isn't a complaint but an observation...I am huge! My stomach literally is getting bigger every single day and rolling over at night is a full on process. The physical limitations for my body are getting more obvious every day. I give myself 3 weeks until Ben will need to put my socks on for me! God bless that man...he will have his own blog post coming soon. What is odd is that I have been this weight before...but it was so different then. As I start to approach my highest weight, it feels so different. Now, with every pound I gain...I know that it is weight my babies are gaining too.

As we move into this week...I can't "stress" how important it is to not be stressed! Easier said than done! I am practicing reciting scriptures, visualizing big fat healthy babies :o), listening to Christian music, using a hand massage technique that we learned at our pre-natal class and trying to enjoy these last few months. Even though my body is changing daily and comfort is something of the past...I am pregnant. It will not last forever and it may never happen again. I savor every little kick, every crazy dream (the babies were dinosaurs in my dream last night), every sting of heart burn, every bathroom trip and every person who asks me about my due date. I hope we have at least 10 weeks left but every day is a gift.

Memories of the last week...
Ben and his Dad put together the cribs for the nursery!
Feeling more and more movement throughout the day/night from the babies
My first baby shower...we are SO blessed!
Being able to do Facetime with my grandparents and show them the bump
Passing my glucose test!
Ben has stepped up (even more) to help around the house and cook meals. I am useless after 6pm!
Our dog, Drew wants to be next to me...even if that means laying in the small space between the couch and coffee table. I swear he knows when I have a contraction because he comes over and puts his head on my leg. He is our fur baby and will be a great big brother!

Ben and Grandpa Peter working on the cribs

27 Weeks 1 Day