It's all about the weight...I mean wait

We are 31 weeks 0 days today! Every week is another big milestone. The average twins are born at 35 weeks so we are looking as meeting our little ones very soon. It could be any day but we are just crossing our fingers we make it till May. I am getting more and more excited to finally have our family complete but their health is more important. I will take a huge sigh of relief once we hit 35 weeks. The latest our doctor will let me go is 38 weeks...mid-May.

When I think of another 4-7 weeks of my belly growing...I have no idea how my body will look and handle it all. Luckily, I have been told I have a "body to carry twins" which I will take as a compliment. The only time in my life that my body was made to do something that has turned into a blessing. I feel pretty big and the only really painful part has been the"round ligament pain." These are the muscles that hold your stomach/abdomen up. Mine feel like they are going to rip every time I get up, roll over, and get in or out of a car. This is minor compared to being put on bed rest or other issues.

I have to wonder if I am handling the weight of twins better because I have been this size before? I am getting closer and closer to my highest weight...266. I have gained about 37 pounds for this pregnancy which is right on track. I was told to prepare to gain 45-50 pounds total for twins. At this point, any weight I gain feels like direct weight the babies are gaining. My body looks and feels SO different from the 266 pounds I once was. My face, arms, and legs look about the same! I am already trying to prepare myself for the journey back to a healthy weight after the babies are here. I have to be healthy to keep up with two little ones, a very active husband and our dog, Drew. It is somewhat comforting that I have lost the weight once before...I can do it again.

We have officially entered the phase where strangers assume that I have a baby due any day. The looks on their faces when I tell them it's twins and we still have 6 weeks to go varies from excitement to concern. I find myself struggling with this final "wait." We have been waiting to have kids for what feels like forever. Some days I feel like I have been waiting to be a mom since I held my first doll. I have never been so excited, terrified, overwhelmed, absolutely in love, unprepared but ready...in my whole life. We are waiting for our lives to change...drastically. We don't know when it will happen or how it will happen but our family is about to be complete.

Below are some samples of our maternity pictures taken by my dear friend Jess.

 31 weeks 0 Days

 Go TWINS!

 Big brother Drew!! 

My parents gave us this for Christmas this year. Our only ultrasound picture with both babies! 

The frame says "Love at first sight."

The date on the orange juice

I was getting my orange juice, which I drink every morning, when I noticed the date on the carton.

May 5, 2014

It just hit me that we could have babies by then or very soon after. May 18th is the very last day I would be pregnant and the time is going by much faster now. The reality is setting in that in the very near future, Ben and I will be given 2 very little humans to bring home for good. We finished our prenatal class for multiples last week and even though it was very informative, we still feel like there is so much more to learn. I guess the majority will be "on the job training."

The babies are moving so much more and they are more controlled movements. Think of stretching verses kicking. I could watch my stomach move for hours. Since we have no idea when this pregnancy will end, I am trying to savor every single day. I know that I will miss being pregnant and I am almost positive that this will be our one and only pregnancy. Here is a short list of my favorite things about being pregnant...

1) I don't have to suck it in...at all! I can remember sucking in my stomach for pictures when I was even a little kid. My body type has caused me to always think about how my stomach sticks out but during this time...the bigger it looks the better!

1.5) You would think that eating whatever I want would make this list but that hasn't been the case. When you are having twins, nutrition is a  BIG deal. This is more so for women who are underweight or petite...haha, I am not in that category.Every book I read at first was about eating the right foods to get your babies to grow big enough to help them survive. I was also aware from the beginning that I would be gaining 45-55 pounds. When we were hoping for one baby, I was determined to gain no more than 20 pounds (which would be healthy for my beginning BMI) but things change. Yes, I eat a donut now and then without massive guilt but I think about all that I eat. I try to ask myself, "If I knew they were going to be born tomorrow and only weighed 3 1/2 pounds each...would I still eat this or would I choose something else?"

2) The way strangers smile at you. People (mostly older people) seem to feel joy when they see a pregnant person. My favorite strangers are the ones who know or have twins. They are so excited for me and tell me all the wonderful things about twins. They also tell me that all the hard work it worth it. Some strangers feel the need to feel bad for us, warn us about the hard work, sleepless nights and so on. I have been amazed at the negative things people will say...but they have no idea how long we have prayed for a family.

3) I am a walking (waddling) example of a double miracle from God. I was an example of his grace, love and forgiveness before but now my body is showing his greatest miracle of all. I don't know how you can feel a baby move inside of you and see a newborn baby and not believe in God. This is His masterpiece in the making. Soon we will have those 2 miracles out in the world but there is something special about feeling God work inside of my body to grow these babies.

4) Finally, the way this pregnancy has helped me to let go of control and trust in God more than I ever imagined. Trusting that God will answer your prayers and trusting that he won't take those answered prayers away are two different levels of trust. I can't trust my body, my doctor, modern science or my intuition. He is the only constant. Ben and I walked through the ER last week on our way to be monitored last week. The same ER that we went to in the middle of the night at 10 1/2 weeks. The scariest night of both of our lives when we thought we would lose one or both babies. I couldn't even tell you what my prayers were that night but I had to trust that we would be ok. At that stage, I was prepared for the worse but now...I couldn't imagine and luckily I don't have to. Even if they were born tomorrow, they would very likely be perfectly fine after a few weeks in the hospital. We would still have our children, our family. I know that this is all in preparation for me to continue to trust Him as we enter parenthood.

We spent a lot time this weekend getting the nursery ready and sorting through beautiful gifts and clothes that people have given us. We also took our maternity pictures! Another milestone...bringing us closer to their arrival.

Below is my 30 week picture...you may notice I look a little tired because I AM! We have been so busy lately and it was another long weekend but we had to get the picture taken!

 To see the progression from the beginning, click on "Bump Pictures"

Blessed, busy and 29 weeks!

I am a week behind on the blogging but things have been SO busy lately. The time is going by much faster even though I am moving slower and slower! My body is feeling the weight, literally, and even small tasks are getting tougher. Here are some highlights of the last 2 weeks:

Our Church baby shower was so fun! It was great to see such wonderful women in my church community come around me. They are so full of wisdom, excitement and encouragement. Many of them were part of my Made to Crave Bible study. I think we will do a second round this Fall to help me lose the baby weight!

We have started to take our prenatal class that is just for multiples. It has been really informative and nice to meet some other parents-to-be of twins. Last class was on breastfeeding and it was really overwhelming. The logistics alone of trying to feed twins can make your head spin. We will just take it one day at a time...

We made it to Cable for my family baby shower!! I was so happy that my doctor cleared me to go because I have always had a dream to have my wedding and my baby shower at The Lakewoods Resort. I was able to show my Grandpa and Grandma my big belly and spend some much needed time with my parents. It was weird to think that the next time I will be in their house, it will be with two additional people! We got so many wonderful gifts...our babies will be very spoiled.

We had another ultrasound before the Cable trip and they are so big! Baby girl is head down and she even stuck her tongue out at us! We also got to watch her take a big yawn. They look perfect. Baby boy is breech with his little butt right in his sister's face. They were 2 pounds 5 ounces and 2 pounds 6 ounces but that was almost 2 weeks ago. They are growing about an ounce a day now! We hit another BIG milestone with 28 weeks...babies have a 90% chance of living if born at that point. Today we hit 29 weeks...even better!

We did spend some time at St. John's last night just getting monitored because I was having too many braxton hicks contractions. We were there for about 4 hours, tracking babies and contractions. They checked my cervix twice and with no changes at all, we were gladly sent home. I think I just stood too long at the Moms of Multiples Sale yesterday morning combined with a few nights of very little sleep. I am just praying that I can keep working until at least May 1st but that is really out of my control.

Here are some great pictures from the last few weeks...

 The wonderful women of my Church Small Group!

 Cable Baby Shower

 28 Weeks

Since I am growing every day, I am going to wait to post 29 Weeks until the end of the week!

I can't "stress" this enough...

Well, we made it another week. 27 weeks! This week was, thankfully, not too eventful on the pregnancy front. We had some good news when I passed my glucose and iron tests. This was a huge relief because my chances of having gestational diabetes is much higher with twins. I have been trying really hard to rest more at night when the braxton hicks contractions start happening. Even though they don't hurt, I would still need to go into the hospital if I have more than 6 contractions in an hour. When I get the first one, I make sure my bladder is empty (full bladders cause contractions), lay down and drink 2 glasses of water. This has been working pretty well but my stress level has been much higher this week.

I didn't realize the low level of stress I have had this whole pregnancy until last week when it spiked. My one (and only) full-time co-worker in the state of MN put in his 2 week notice on Monday. We are also opening the new campus this week. To save you from the details, usually in this situation I would be required to cover the empty campus until they hired someone else. We would be looking at 11 hour days M-F and that would include 2 hours or more of commuting daily in rush hour. I have never been a person to say "no" to my boss. I have always been more than willing to step up and help the team whenever able but I have a new team to take care of. The initial stress of telling my company that I "physically" was not able to do what they were asking was really hard. I have only been with this company since August and even though I have been performing above average, it was still difficult.

The week continued to be stressful as I spoke with HR about how to navigate my limitations while discovering a mix-up with my healthcare plan. Nothing will bring a pregnant woman to tears like telling me my OB isn't in my network any more!! Luckily, it was a problem on their end...and my OB is still in the network. It took about a week to get the coverage plan for my co-worker leaving but that in between time was stressful. I was also dreading my glucose test on Friday. Then add the fear of losing friends that are still struggling to get pregnant and not being cleared yet to travel to my family baby shower. Not that I sleep much anyway but I would lay awake thinking about more than just diapers and sleep training.

The stress has had a direct effect on my contractions this week. What is hard is that when I get that first contraction, I get worried. I lay down and start watching the clock, writing down when they happen...praying that we don't have to go back to the ER again. This stress then causes more contractions...do you see the cycle!? I am trying to actively calm down every night but it has been tough.

I made myself a promise to never complain about any pregnancy symptoms to anyone beside my Mom and Ben. I have been good about this and this isn't a complaint but an observation...I am huge! My stomach literally is getting bigger every single day and rolling over at night is a full on process. The physical limitations for my body are getting more obvious every day. I give myself 3 weeks until Ben will need to put my socks on for me! God bless that man...he will have his own blog post coming soon. What is odd is that I have been this weight before...but it was so different then. As I start to approach my highest weight, it feels so different. Now, with every pound I gain...I know that it is weight my babies are gaining too.

As we move into this week...I can't "stress" how important it is to not be stressed! Easier said than done! I am practicing reciting scriptures, visualizing big fat healthy babies :o), listening to Christian music, using a hand massage technique that we learned at our pre-natal class and trying to enjoy these last few months. Even though my body is changing daily and comfort is something of the past...I am pregnant. It will not last forever and it may never happen again. I savor every little kick, every crazy dream (the babies were dinosaurs in my dream last night), every sting of heart burn, every bathroom trip and every person who asks me about my due date. I hope we have at least 10 weeks left but every day is a gift.

Memories of the last week...
Ben and his Dad put together the cribs for the nursery!
Feeling more and more movement throughout the day/night from the babies
My first baby shower...we are SO blessed!
Being able to do Facetime with my grandparents and show them the bump
Passing my glucose test!
Ben has stepped up (even more) to help around the house and cook meals. I am useless after 6pm!
Our dog, Drew wants to be next to me...even if that means laying in the small space between the couch and coffee table. I swear he knows when I have a contraction because he comes over and puts his head on my leg. He is our fur baby and will be a great big brother!

Ben and Grandpa Peter working on the cribs

27 Weeks 1 Day