I have had about 500 blog ideas in the past few months. I write them in my head in the middle of the night, while I am driving and when I am hooked up to the breast pump but they never make it out for real. I am going to sum up several thoughts, really quickly, so here we go.
The kids are almost 5 months old...yes the time goes by fast but I feel like we cherish every single moment with them. Elianna was 14lbs 8oz and Carter was 16 lbs at their last appointment. We have only rushed into urgent care twice with 1st time parent worries, only to be sent home with reasons like teething and a mild sinus bug. We successfully transitioned the kids from Rock and Plays into their cribs. It went WAY better than expected but I probably got up to check on them a dozen times each night for the first few days. They are still sleeping great. We usually get a 8/9pm-5/6am stretch but pretty regularly, someone needs to get up around 4am for a snack. I understand that we are extremely lucky and my heart goes out to mommas out there that are still getting 2 hours at a time. You are amazing.
Due to an unforeseen change, Ben is no longer working at the YMCA. Unfortunately, we are pretty used to having one of us lose our job so we just had to roll with it. When you have been through, what we have been through...you question God's plan less and less. We took this as a way for Ben to be home with the kids and finally start building his personal training business at Success Fitness in Maplewood. He can work with clients without a membership fee and he can make his own schedule. He can work 10 hours a week and make what it would have taken 30 hours to make at the YMCA. Here is my plug for my amazing husband...He can do training in your home or at the gym in Maplewood. Please find him on facebook by searching Ulland Fitness.
On another note, my husband is an incredible stay-at-home Dad. He reads to the kids, works on tummy time, takes them for runs and loves on them all day. I am so happy that our babies are home and with their Daddy during the day.
Being a working Mom is hard. Harder than I imagined. I knew I would miss them but I have always taken my career so seriously and I am (now more than ever) the one who brings home the bacon. I thought I would want a break from being with 2 infants...but I don't. I miss them all the time and I usually try not to think about them too much during the day. I find it easier that way. I have missed both of them rolling over for the first time. I missed it. It will never happen again and I was in an office somewhere, staring at a computer screen. I missed it. I also think that because we are not planning on having more children, every milestone I miss hurts a little more. I will never be able to be a parent who can stay at home. I am trying to adjust and tell myself all the things that working parents have to say to leave our kids each day, but it is hard. It doesn't help that my job has changed, I was demoted due to a company reorganization and my overall work environment is very stressful right now. It makes leaving them even harder. I can understand why people with children don't go to parties, happy hour or trips to the vineyard on the weekends. They want to be with their kids. I want to get puked and peed on. I want to change 20 diapers a day and I want to have used every ounce of energy before I lay my head down at night. I had bought tickets to the theater for my birthday and I didn't want to even go. I cried because I had to work that Saturday and I had barely seen the kids. I wanted to blow off my birthday plans to sit on the couch with them. We waiting so long for them and I don't want to miss a minute.
I am still pumping....almost 5 months of hooking up my very delicate body parts to a machine that man-handles them for 45 minutes, every 4 hours for liquid gold. I still don't make enough for both of the kids but I have come to accept that. I tried every trick in the book...Gatorade, oatmeal, flax seed, supplements, beer, smart water, coconut water and lactation cookies. Ok, I still eat those because they taste yummy and my Grandma makes them for me. My original goal was to pump for 3 months and my next goal is 6 months. Some days I hate it so much and other days, I think I could do it for a year. I hate it the most when I have to give up sleep to pump and when I have to listen to my babies cry because I am hooked up to the pump and can't pick them up. Most days it is just annoying. I pump in my car...pause for reaction...don't worry, I use a hands-free bra and I have only given a few truck drivers a show but it saves me time! I will pump past 6 months...but I don't know how long I will go. Right now, it is a huge financial decision. Formula for twins is ridiculous and I am sure we are saving at least $300 a month. Obviously, it is the best thing for my babies and that matters to me but I will just keep pumping until I don't want to or can't anymore.
The babies are doing so well. They are happy, smiling and starting to learn how to use their little bodies. Elianna is ready to sit up all the time but she has a little ways to go. She is SO smiley. Seriously, I think her face must hurt at the end of the day from her really big smiles. She is grunting a lot lately which is adorable. My sweet little girl lights up a room and is already an eternal optimist, just like her Daddy. Mr. Carter is a little shy guy. He will smile but usually turns away and it is more of a grin. He looks like he is always up to something. He has mastered "the lip" and he will stick that bottom lip out so far...it will break your heart. Their little laughs are so different and they think different things are funny. In the mornings, I have started to lay them next to each other on the bed to see how they interact. Elianna will try to eat any and all of Carter's body parts and Carter just lets her. I can't wait to see how their relationship grows. We are so incredibly blessed and they get more fun every day. We are still new parents, trying to balance being parents, spouses, and friends. There is little energy or time at the end of the day but we work with what we have.
I would like to promise that I will blog more but I don't know if I can follow through on that. I will keep trying because I love sharing with all of you since so many of you prayed for our little miracles.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Monday, July 28, 2014
You just had to be there...
I realized that I never shared any pictures from our birth so here are a few to look at. The raw emotion in some of them still brings tears to my eyes. A few are a little messy and well, I wasn't looking my best but they are real.
I was a "little" tired at this point when Carter was born but it was a marathon and I still had a little girl to think about. Luckily, Carter paved the way for his sister and the next round was much easier.
Ben and I welcoming Mr. Carter into the world.
This picture is the essence of my Mother. She is comforting me, with Carter on my chest and we are both full of emotion. My Mom was there for the many, many tearful conversations on our journey to getting pregnant...this time they were tears of pure joy.
I love this picture of Elianna. She came quietly into the world just looking around. She is still my patient, calm baby.
Elianna kept putting her hands on my face when they laid her on my chest.
THIS was the moment I finally took a sigh of relief. When I had them both safely in my arms. The 4 of us all back together after 38 weeks of waiting. I felt so complete at this moment. I held two, living, breathing answers to prayers.
First Family Picture!
I imagine the things they would have said to each other in this moment. But whatever the conversation, I am sure it ended with, "I don't know what just happened but I am glad you are here with me"
Update on the Ulland Twins!
They are doing wonderful. I really am truly blessed with easy babies. They are both sleeping 6-7 hours a night which is an absolute miracle. I am still pumping for both of them and it is going better now that I am in a routine. Carter is still our outspoken baby who lets us know when it is time to eat and that he needs his diaper changed...immediately. Carter is 11lbs and 6oz and Elianna is 10lbs 11oz. Elianna is pretty calm and usually lets us feed her hungry brother first or take our time getting to her diaper. Ben and I are loving every busy moment as parents of twins. I am back to work full-time and with the incredible help of our family, the kids have only been to the YMCA daycare one time. We are so blessed and so thankful.Sunday, July 6, 2014
Somewhere between guilty and grateful
Every day is a battle between feeling guilty for one thing or another and the gratefulness that comes with being a parent. Sometimes I think this spectrum is much larger for those women who struggled to get pregnant. I remember reading Facebook posts from mothers complaining about a variety of things that come with pregnancy/parenting and my responses would be like this...
"My kids were up all night!" - I would be give up all my sleep to just have a baby
"I am so sick of being pregnant!" - I would give anything to become pregnant...anything
"Does someone want to take a few kids off of my hands? You can have them!" - Ok...I will take them.
You get the point. I swore I would never complain on Facebook about my pregnancy or my children, I don't care how bad it gets and trust me...I had some real content the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Just because I don't post anything on Facebook about how hard it is being a new mom of twins, doesn't mean I don't think it in my head. This is where the constant battle between feeling guilty and grateful comes into play.
As a mom, I feel like I could always be doing something better and with twins, that feeling is more than doubled. If I am holding one baby, then I am not holding the other. There are many times in the day when I am attending to the needs of one baby while the other one is crying. The whole issue of nursing is really for another post but I have basically given up on breastfeeding. I will pause for your reaction/judgement/sadness/understanding or whatever else. I just couldn't sit there and nurse one baby while the other one cried. We also had latch issues, sleepy babies and so on. I can juggle giving both of them bottles but nursing wasn't working for me. I would have to nurse each baby for 30 minutes, then give them any milk I had pumped and THEN top them off with formula. This would equal over 2 hours for one feeding and 4 dirty bottles. By the time I finished with the second baby, it was time for the first one to eat again. I feel guilty because I know some women would give anything to be able to nurse their babies and even though we had struggles, I was able to do it. On the other hand, I am grateful that I was even able to and I am even more grateful that my body does produce (almost) enough milk to feed my babies. As of now, I am almost exclusively pumping. I take it one day at a time. There is a lot of shame and pressure around breastfeeding and anyone who is doing it with one or two babies, you are amazing. If you aren't able to or choose not to, you are amazing too.
I started writing this post a few weeks ago and during that time I have found that between guilty and grateful is a TON of GRACE. The Lord knows how thankful I am for these children and he also knows how tired I really am. I feel floods of Grace every single day. I honestly, don't know how people are parents without Jesus in their life. Seeing a baby born should seal the deal right there but everyday I am only able to keep my head above water because of Jesus and my husband.
Let me talk about my amazing husband for just a minute. This man is super Daddy, let me tell you! Dads of twins are a rare breed and they are truely partners in parenting. Ben changes at least a dozen diapers a day without blinking an eye, does middle of the night feedings every night, gives most of the baths and supports a very emotional, unpredictable wife. Ben works split shifts so he comes home from work at 11:30am and then goes back around 2 every day. When walks in the door he never knows what he will find! Some days I am in tears with 2 crying babies and some days I have lunch on the table with a smile on my face. The latter is pretty rare but you get my drift. The minute he walks in the door, he drops his stuff and says, "What do you need?" I am usually hooked up to my pumping machine and a baby needs a bottle or changing and he dives right in. He then makes us both lunch, feeds and changes one or both babies and then heads back to work just to do the same thing when he gets home at 6:00. I could not ask for a better partner in this journey. I am impressed with him every day and I fall more in love with him every day.
I do believe in God's timing, even in moments where I felt completely forgotten about when the world seemed to be passing us by. Our marriage is so much stronger than it was even a year ago and having a baby, let alone 2, will put strain on any marriage but God was preparing us for this. The lessons He taught us in respect, love languages, financial provision, control, responsibility and trust...were all to prepare us for this time. It also helps that we have desperately wanted children for years before this. It helps when you are exhausted, haven't showered in 3 days, have multiple forms of bodily fluids on you, to know that this is an answer to prayers.
Every day gets a little better and we start to feel like we have this under control, for at least the moment. The babies slept for 6 hours last night...the SAME 6 hours! They went down at 8:30 and 9:00 and didn't get up till 3:00am. What a huge milestone! They both ate and then slept again till 6:30 and 7:00. I am letting Ben sleep in this morning since Carter is asleep in the swing and Elianna is talking to me in the Rock & Play. I have the best babies they are very content as long as they have a dry butt and a full belly.
Blogs to come about going back to work, weight loss/gain and new mom anxiety!
Follow me on instagram to see more pics of the babies! @misheldawn
I try to keep the pictures on facebook to a minimum out of respect but facebook is the primary way my grandparents see pictures of the babies.
"My kids were up all night!" - I would be give up all my sleep to just have a baby
"I am so sick of being pregnant!" - I would give anything to become pregnant...anything
"Does someone want to take a few kids off of my hands? You can have them!" - Ok...I will take them.
You get the point. I swore I would never complain on Facebook about my pregnancy or my children, I don't care how bad it gets and trust me...I had some real content the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Just because I don't post anything on Facebook about how hard it is being a new mom of twins, doesn't mean I don't think it in my head. This is where the constant battle between feeling guilty and grateful comes into play.
As a mom, I feel like I could always be doing something better and with twins, that feeling is more than doubled. If I am holding one baby, then I am not holding the other. There are many times in the day when I am attending to the needs of one baby while the other one is crying. The whole issue of nursing is really for another post but I have basically given up on breastfeeding. I will pause for your reaction/judgement/sadness/understanding or whatever else. I just couldn't sit there and nurse one baby while the other one cried. We also had latch issues, sleepy babies and so on. I can juggle giving both of them bottles but nursing wasn't working for me. I would have to nurse each baby for 30 minutes, then give them any milk I had pumped and THEN top them off with formula. This would equal over 2 hours for one feeding and 4 dirty bottles. By the time I finished with the second baby, it was time for the first one to eat again. I feel guilty because I know some women would give anything to be able to nurse their babies and even though we had struggles, I was able to do it. On the other hand, I am grateful that I was even able to and I am even more grateful that my body does produce (almost) enough milk to feed my babies. As of now, I am almost exclusively pumping. I take it one day at a time. There is a lot of shame and pressure around breastfeeding and anyone who is doing it with one or two babies, you are amazing. If you aren't able to or choose not to, you are amazing too.
I started writing this post a few weeks ago and during that time I have found that between guilty and grateful is a TON of GRACE. The Lord knows how thankful I am for these children and he also knows how tired I really am. I feel floods of Grace every single day. I honestly, don't know how people are parents without Jesus in their life. Seeing a baby born should seal the deal right there but everyday I am only able to keep my head above water because of Jesus and my husband.
Let me talk about my amazing husband for just a minute. This man is super Daddy, let me tell you! Dads of twins are a rare breed and they are truely partners in parenting. Ben changes at least a dozen diapers a day without blinking an eye, does middle of the night feedings every night, gives most of the baths and supports a very emotional, unpredictable wife. Ben works split shifts so he comes home from work at 11:30am and then goes back around 2 every day. When walks in the door he never knows what he will find! Some days I am in tears with 2 crying babies and some days I have lunch on the table with a smile on my face. The latter is pretty rare but you get my drift. The minute he walks in the door, he drops his stuff and says, "What do you need?" I am usually hooked up to my pumping machine and a baby needs a bottle or changing and he dives right in. He then makes us both lunch, feeds and changes one or both babies and then heads back to work just to do the same thing when he gets home at 6:00. I could not ask for a better partner in this journey. I am impressed with him every day and I fall more in love with him every day.
I do believe in God's timing, even in moments where I felt completely forgotten about when the world seemed to be passing us by. Our marriage is so much stronger than it was even a year ago and having a baby, let alone 2, will put strain on any marriage but God was preparing us for this. The lessons He taught us in respect, love languages, financial provision, control, responsibility and trust...were all to prepare us for this time. It also helps that we have desperately wanted children for years before this. It helps when you are exhausted, haven't showered in 3 days, have multiple forms of bodily fluids on you, to know that this is an answer to prayers.
Every day gets a little better and we start to feel like we have this under control, for at least the moment. The babies slept for 6 hours last night...the SAME 6 hours! They went down at 8:30 and 9:00 and didn't get up till 3:00am. What a huge milestone! They both ate and then slept again till 6:30 and 7:00. I am letting Ben sleep in this morning since Carter is asleep in the swing and Elianna is talking to me in the Rock & Play. I have the best babies they are very content as long as they have a dry butt and a full belly.
Blogs to come about going back to work, weight loss/gain and new mom anxiety!
Follow me on instagram to see more pics of the babies! @misheldawn
I try to keep the pictures on facebook to a minimum out of respect but facebook is the primary way my grandparents see pictures of the babies.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Grace, memories and 4 weeks old
I can't believe it has been 4 weeks since they were born. Sometimes it feels like months and other times it feels like yesterday. I can say that we are finally getting into a routine and yesterday was the first night that it felt normal instead of pure chaos. We even did baths for both babies and were in bed by 8:45.
There are some memories that I wanted to get recorded somewhere before I forget so here are just some quick memories...
-Ben sitting on the couch, holding a baby and he turns to me and says, " I am just melting"
-Carter's little sigh after he sneezes
-The night that both babies cried for 2 hours until we figured out what they needed. Carter squeezed my finger and gave me a little smile...his way of saying, "It's ok Mom, we are ok and we know you are doing your best"
-Ben and I in the store, Ben turns to me and says, "I just love them so much"
-Sound of my Mom reading books to the babies in their nursery
-My first time tandem nursing BOTH babies!
-Elianna always having her hand touching her face when she sleeps
-Remembering when I saw and felt pure Grace and Forgiveness between Ben and myself, evidence of God presence in our parenting and our marriage.
-Seeing Ben's Dad hold all 3 grandkids in his arms on his first Father's Day as a Grandpa
This crazy roller coaster we are living hasn't gotten any less exciting. I would say that within a few days, I have felt like a total failure and a great Mom within such a short time period. I am so thankful for God's Grace because I need it every moment. I am not sure how to express what I am feeling without having it taken the wrong way. I will just say that all the times God was teaching me about needing to be in control, being patient with myself and others, accepting grace, not holding onto shame or guilt....all of these things have made me a better parent. They have been vital for me to be a Mom of twins without losing my mind or creating distance between myself and Ben. It is SO easy to be mean to your spouse at 3am when you have been pooped on, feel exhausted and cannot get your baby to sleep. One of the best lines I learned from Lysa Terkeurst..."Share whispers with God before shouts with the world" Give God the opportunity to intervene before you speak. When I want to snap at Ben, I wait a few seconds and give the holy spirit the time to change my heart before I speak. It has made a HUGE difference for us. I need Ben...my partner in this. When you have twins, there is no "it's your turn" because there are two babies and it is always both of our turns.
Our next adventure is traveling to see my parents and grandparents this weekend. I am so excited for the babies to meet their Great Grandma Jo, Great Grandpa Ed and Great Grandma June. I will share more about our trip when we get back. Here are a few pictures for our photo shoot we did when the babies were 5 days old :o)
.jpg)
There are some memories that I wanted to get recorded somewhere before I forget so here are just some quick memories...
-Ben sitting on the couch, holding a baby and he turns to me and says, " I am just melting"
-Carter's little sigh after he sneezes
-The night that both babies cried for 2 hours until we figured out what they needed. Carter squeezed my finger and gave me a little smile...his way of saying, "It's ok Mom, we are ok and we know you are doing your best"
-Ben and I in the store, Ben turns to me and says, "I just love them so much"
-Sound of my Mom reading books to the babies in their nursery
-My first time tandem nursing BOTH babies!
-Elianna always having her hand touching her face when she sleeps
-Remembering when I saw and felt pure Grace and Forgiveness between Ben and myself, evidence of God presence in our parenting and our marriage.
-Seeing Ben's Dad hold all 3 grandkids in his arms on his first Father's Day as a Grandpa
This crazy roller coaster we are living hasn't gotten any less exciting. I would say that within a few days, I have felt like a total failure and a great Mom within such a short time period. I am so thankful for God's Grace because I need it every moment. I am not sure how to express what I am feeling without having it taken the wrong way. I will just say that all the times God was teaching me about needing to be in control, being patient with myself and others, accepting grace, not holding onto shame or guilt....all of these things have made me a better parent. They have been vital for me to be a Mom of twins without losing my mind or creating distance between myself and Ben. It is SO easy to be mean to your spouse at 3am when you have been pooped on, feel exhausted and cannot get your baby to sleep. One of the best lines I learned from Lysa Terkeurst..."Share whispers with God before shouts with the world" Give God the opportunity to intervene before you speak. When I want to snap at Ben, I wait a few seconds and give the holy spirit the time to change my heart before I speak. It has made a HUGE difference for us. I need Ben...my partner in this. When you have twins, there is no "it's your turn" because there are two babies and it is always both of our turns.
Our next adventure is traveling to see my parents and grandparents this weekend. I am so excited for the babies to meet their Great Grandma Jo, Great Grandpa Ed and Great Grandma June. I will share more about our trip when we get back. Here are a few pictures for our photo shoot we did when the babies were 5 days old :o)
GO TWINS!
Miss Elianna
Carter and his lip
Carter wearing a cute hat!
This one makes me think of them in the womb!
Love this one!
Monday, June 9, 2014
The Best kind of overwhelmed
Well, I have thought of about 40 different blog topics over the past few weeks but I have about 1.5 minutes a day to actually write the thoughts down. Since my Mom is visiting for a few days, I hope to write a little more. These posts may get a little random but that is how life is now!
Baby Elianna
She is my mellow, sweet little girl who loves to be awake and look around. She likes to sleep with her hands touching her face. When it is time to eat, she is much more patient and usually lets me feed her hungry brother first. We have had some tummy trouble but they are doing ok. Elianna is also my star nurser. She was the first to be able to latch and she can nurse almost every time we try. At our last Dr. appointment last Friday, she weighed 7lbs 11oz which is 10 oz over her birth weight. She is a perfect little angel. Daddy calls her "his little princess."
Baby Carter
He is my vocal, strong willed little boy. He likes to make a lot of noise when he is awake and when he is sleeping. If he has a dirty diaper, he will let you know asap that he would like it changed. The same goes for eating because this hungry boy is growing fast! The best part about Carter is his facial expressions. Even when he is sleeping, his little face has so much character and he makes us laugh all the time. He hates getting new clothes put on and will let you know how much he hates it! He also lets us all know that it is meal time and that he would like to be first. He is catching on to the nursing a lot better. He is totally a Daddy's boy and sometimes Ben is the only person he wants to be with. His weight was 8lbs 5oz last week which is a full pound over his birth weight. Daddy calls him "little champ."
We are doing well but I will say the first week at home was the easiest in some ways. I wasn't really even trying to nurse and I was barely pumping enough to matter but now we are nursing, pumping and still having to supplement formula. I have never been a mom who was against formula or super determined to breast feed because I knew better. I knew that so much would depend on each baby, when they were born, my milk supply and more. Here are my honest thoughts and if you are a mom who every tried to breast feed, you will probably understand...it is really hard. I think about quitting many times a day when I think about how easy it would be to just buy formula. There are times when I have to let a baby cry the whole time I am nursing and then bottle feeding the other baby. We basically feed them in 3 different ways. I want what is best for my babies and I know breast milk is the best but it is hard. I am thankful that I even have the option to give my babies breast milk. I know women who couldn't provide what was best for their babies because their bodies would not cooperate. It is a gift to be able to nurse my babies and I try to see it that way every day. I could talk about nursing a lot more but I will save you all from that.
Ben and I are crazy in love with these two little miracles. Even at 3 am, after we have both been peed or projective pooped on...we still are so in love. Some of our funniest moments are in the middle of the night hearing our babies "toot" very loudly or catching the vomit as it flies out. Ben is an absolute rock star Daddy. He changes diapers non-stop, keeps me fed and hydrated and give overflowing love to his babies all the time. The sleep deprivation has been the toughest for Ben but he is starting to adjust. He is ON all the time and does it with a smile. I am so incredibly blessed to have such an amazing partner in parenting.
Many of you very sweet people have been checking in on me and seeing how I am doing emotionally. Moms of twins have a much higher risk of postpartum depression for some obvious reasons. I am doing really really well. I have such an incredible support system that I know I can call on anytime. So many of you provided us with meals over the past few weeks. I know it just seems like food but it has been an absolute blessing. Ben comes home from work at 6pm and we literally have maybe 45 minutes before babies are awake and need to start their feeding before bedtime. It has helped so much to have food in the fridge, ready to go. I also am trying to eat 3,000 calories a day (something I never thought would be a problem) but I have so little time to make food for myself. I have also learned what my physical limits are and how much sleep I need to function. If I can get a 30-45 minutes nap during the day, I can survive. I still have what is called the "danger zone" from 6-8pm each night, if I don't get a nap that day. This is usually when I spill breast milk and cry for a good 20 minutes. Ben has made my naps a priority when he is home during lunch and it makes a huge difference. I also think that anxiety is something that most mothers deal with and something I have had issues with in the past but I decided a long time ago to not let anxiety rule my life. Satan LOVES to use anxiety to make us doubt the promises of God. Well, I have seen too many promises of God come to life to let Satan get to me. I still pray, "God, keep my babies safe" many times a day but these babies are God's and I know he is looking out for them.
We made it to church yesterday and even on time!!! It was important for us to go see some of the people that have been praying for these babies for so long. We made it through the first 30 minutes of the service until it was food/diaper time. Ben and I stood there, listening to the worship songs, holding our babies and it was surreal. How many Sundays did I sit here and cry...begging the Lord to answer our prayers? We have been going to North Haven Church for 5 years and most of those years were times of trials. If felt so different to be standing in the same spot but now we have everything. Every prayer we prayed, has been answered. Ben's new career, my new job, our beautiful family and many other miracles. We are experiencing the Joy that comes in the morning, the immeasurably "more" that God had in store for us. The reality of everything is overwhelming. The love, grace and faithfulness is overwhelming. The best kind of overwhelming there is.
This song was preformed at church yesterday and I just thought it was perfect for us. It is called "Always" and chorus says, "My God will come though, Always"
Baby Elianna
She is my mellow, sweet little girl who loves to be awake and look around. She likes to sleep with her hands touching her face. When it is time to eat, she is much more patient and usually lets me feed her hungry brother first. We have had some tummy trouble but they are doing ok. Elianna is also my star nurser. She was the first to be able to latch and she can nurse almost every time we try. At our last Dr. appointment last Friday, she weighed 7lbs 11oz which is 10 oz over her birth weight. She is a perfect little angel. Daddy calls her "his little princess."
Baby Carter
He is my vocal, strong willed little boy. He likes to make a lot of noise when he is awake and when he is sleeping. If he has a dirty diaper, he will let you know asap that he would like it changed. The same goes for eating because this hungry boy is growing fast! The best part about Carter is his facial expressions. Even when he is sleeping, his little face has so much character and he makes us laugh all the time. He hates getting new clothes put on and will let you know how much he hates it! He also lets us all know that it is meal time and that he would like to be first. He is catching on to the nursing a lot better. He is totally a Daddy's boy and sometimes Ben is the only person he wants to be with. His weight was 8lbs 5oz last week which is a full pound over his birth weight. Daddy calls him "little champ."
We are doing well but I will say the first week at home was the easiest in some ways. I wasn't really even trying to nurse and I was barely pumping enough to matter but now we are nursing, pumping and still having to supplement formula. I have never been a mom who was against formula or super determined to breast feed because I knew better. I knew that so much would depend on each baby, when they were born, my milk supply and more. Here are my honest thoughts and if you are a mom who every tried to breast feed, you will probably understand...it is really hard. I think about quitting many times a day when I think about how easy it would be to just buy formula. There are times when I have to let a baby cry the whole time I am nursing and then bottle feeding the other baby. We basically feed them in 3 different ways. I want what is best for my babies and I know breast milk is the best but it is hard. I am thankful that I even have the option to give my babies breast milk. I know women who couldn't provide what was best for their babies because their bodies would not cooperate. It is a gift to be able to nurse my babies and I try to see it that way every day. I could talk about nursing a lot more but I will save you all from that.
Ben and I are crazy in love with these two little miracles. Even at 3 am, after we have both been peed or projective pooped on...we still are so in love. Some of our funniest moments are in the middle of the night hearing our babies "toot" very loudly or catching the vomit as it flies out. Ben is an absolute rock star Daddy. He changes diapers non-stop, keeps me fed and hydrated and give overflowing love to his babies all the time. The sleep deprivation has been the toughest for Ben but he is starting to adjust. He is ON all the time and does it with a smile. I am so incredibly blessed to have such an amazing partner in parenting.
Many of you very sweet people have been checking in on me and seeing how I am doing emotionally. Moms of twins have a much higher risk of postpartum depression for some obvious reasons. I am doing really really well. I have such an incredible support system that I know I can call on anytime. So many of you provided us with meals over the past few weeks. I know it just seems like food but it has been an absolute blessing. Ben comes home from work at 6pm and we literally have maybe 45 minutes before babies are awake and need to start their feeding before bedtime. It has helped so much to have food in the fridge, ready to go. I also am trying to eat 3,000 calories a day (something I never thought would be a problem) but I have so little time to make food for myself. I have also learned what my physical limits are and how much sleep I need to function. If I can get a 30-45 minutes nap during the day, I can survive. I still have what is called the "danger zone" from 6-8pm each night, if I don't get a nap that day. This is usually when I spill breast milk and cry for a good 20 minutes. Ben has made my naps a priority when he is home during lunch and it makes a huge difference. I also think that anxiety is something that most mothers deal with and something I have had issues with in the past but I decided a long time ago to not let anxiety rule my life. Satan LOVES to use anxiety to make us doubt the promises of God. Well, I have seen too many promises of God come to life to let Satan get to me. I still pray, "God, keep my babies safe" many times a day but these babies are God's and I know he is looking out for them.
We made it to church yesterday and even on time!!! It was important for us to go see some of the people that have been praying for these babies for so long. We made it through the first 30 minutes of the service until it was food/diaper time. Ben and I stood there, listening to the worship songs, holding our babies and it was surreal. How many Sundays did I sit here and cry...begging the Lord to answer our prayers? We have been going to North Haven Church for 5 years and most of those years were times of trials. If felt so different to be standing in the same spot but now we have everything. Every prayer we prayed, has been answered. Ben's new career, my new job, our beautiful family and many other miracles. We are experiencing the Joy that comes in the morning, the immeasurably "more" that God had in store for us. The reality of everything is overwhelming. The love, grace and faithfulness is overwhelming. The best kind of overwhelming there is.
This song was preformed at church yesterday and I just thought it was perfect for us. It is called "Always" and chorus says, "My God will come though, Always"
Saturday, May 31, 2014
The days to follow...
I had spent so much time thinking about when I would go into labor
and the actual labor itself, that I didn't think a lot about the days
following the twins' birth. I figured the nurses would guide me on what
to do and my motherly instinct would kick in. It was a rough couple of
days but important to share so that others can get a glimpse into my
first few days as a Mom.
My recovery went very well considering what some women go through. I needed help to do just about everything but was able to get around and be involved in taking care of the babies. The most awkward was when they had me get into a bath tub that night and I almost couldn't get myself out. I am a tall person anyway and between my super swollen legs, being incredibly weak and not have to get up off the floor in 5 months, it wasn't pretty. Comical now but at the time, I was about ready to just spend the night in there.
The first night after they were both is a total blur and I couldn't tell you what even happened that night. Tuesday was filled with visitors, attempts to nurse (notice I said "attempts") and lots of baby cuddles. By Tuesday night Ben and I were fried. It was midnight and the babies had just fallen asleep, so we turned off the lights to finally get some rest. Then a few nurses came into our room, woke up the babies, weighted them, talked to them and talked to us. I know they were just doing their jobs but this was the beginning of a very difficult 24 hours. By the time the babies calmed down and we had relaxed, it was time for another feeding. I basically slept 2-3 hours spread out over that whole night. I had the typical anxiety about the babies staying alive all night. Every little sound they made woke me up and I would study their lips for coloring and try to see their little chests move up and down. Finally, I just had to repeat this prayer over and over and over again to get any sleep. Lord, please keep my babies safe while I sleep. I still pray this every night because I still think I am dreaming. I don't know how people are parents without God in their lives, it must be very over whleming.
The next morning we met with the Lactation Consultant. Turns out that my 45 minute "nursing sessions" were actually not giving my babies anything. I was basically exhausting them and then when I would give them al bottle, they would only drink a little. In my mind, that meant that they were getting enough from me but they were actually so tired that they couldn't even drink from the bottle. Bless the consultants heart because she had to be really honest with me about what I was doing wrong, realistic expectations and what breastfeeding twins really would take. She is a mom of twins, born at 31 weeks, so I trusted what she had to say but it doesn't mean it was easy to hear. Between this and the sleep deprivation, I was a total mess. I wanted to go home SO bad on Wednesday and they said I wasn't in a state of mind to understand my discharge papers, so the main focus was getting me some sleep. The consultant wanted me to take a 5 hour nap before going home which I thought was a little ridiculous. They settled for a 1 hour nap (that felt like 5 hours) and a serious change in my outlook on feeding. They brought in a breast pump and I actually got something to feed my babies. It made a huge difference because I had felt like I didn't do that very well in the past 24 hours. I pulled myself together and they let us go home. My list of what I needed to do to get my milk to come in was pretty daunting, including pumping every 2 hours, attempting nursing with each baby, feeding them what I pump and supplementing formula for a feeding every 1-3 hours. I am not someone who is against formula because I know it will take time for my body to produce enough for two babies but it was tough for me to see uh...my "equipment" not working like I thought it would. Trying to be subtle here :) My milk did finally come in on day 5 which they expected with all the swelling I had. We celebrated that day, big time! The work is not over here but that is for another post.
I do have to tell you about our first 20 minutes home with the babies, mostly because I think it is hilarious. My mom wanted to give us some privacy as we brought the babies home. Ben and I cried the whole way home, it felt real now. My Aunt Sarah read me this beautiful poem about leaving the hospital. It talked about how you just take these little, fragile babies and you walk right out the door with them. No one checking to make sure you are ready or if you have a parenting license. It was the moment when we knew they were ours to keep. We were excited to introduce them to our Fur Baby Drewby. We walked into the house and Drew literally sniffed both car seats and that was it. He could care less which is a good thing I guess. We have come home smelling like that hospital a dozen times so maybe he was familiar with it.
I was a nervous mom to get them out of the car seats because they didn't look comfortable at all. Within a few minutes, both babies were crying. I grabbed one to try to nurse but I had to go to the bathroom so bad. I couldn't find my squirt bottle since it was packed in one of the bags. For those of you who don't know, your squirt bottle is your best friend after a vaginal birth and you NEED it to use the bathroom. I settled for a water bottle and left Ben with two crying babies in the living room. After taking care of business, I grabbed what I assumed was the most hungry baby to try and nurse. I couldn't get the "goods" out of the dress I wore home from the hospital and I was getting really flustered. Finally, Ben just told me to take off my dress, so I threw most of my clothes on the floor. I am attempting to nurse one baby while Ben is trying to change the diaper of the other. He is at the changing table in the living room as I walk him through where the wipes and diapers are. Keep in mind that we stocked this thing 7 weeks ago, so my memory is foggy and I am on 2 hours of sleep. I am telling Ben to just "pull out a wipe from that container" over and over again, only to find out that the pack of wipes was unopened inside of it. Poor guy...but we survived. It was a memorable first moments home. After we took a few breathes and started laughing at the chaos, I sent my mom this text, "We are home. The first 20 minutes were chaos. You can come back any time." :)
If felt so good to be home and put babies in swings, bassinets and a cradle that had been empty for far too long. Overall, they have been little angels. Now that we have our feeding under control (still nursing, pumping and supplementing) the babies sleep 3 hours between feedings and only cry when they need food or a diaper change. We are very blessed.
I will write more as I can...
My recovery went very well considering what some women go through. I needed help to do just about everything but was able to get around and be involved in taking care of the babies. The most awkward was when they had me get into a bath tub that night and I almost couldn't get myself out. I am a tall person anyway and between my super swollen legs, being incredibly weak and not have to get up off the floor in 5 months, it wasn't pretty. Comical now but at the time, I was about ready to just spend the night in there.
The first night after they were both is a total blur and I couldn't tell you what even happened that night. Tuesday was filled with visitors, attempts to nurse (notice I said "attempts") and lots of baby cuddles. By Tuesday night Ben and I were fried. It was midnight and the babies had just fallen asleep, so we turned off the lights to finally get some rest. Then a few nurses came into our room, woke up the babies, weighted them, talked to them and talked to us. I know they were just doing their jobs but this was the beginning of a very difficult 24 hours. By the time the babies calmed down and we had relaxed, it was time for another feeding. I basically slept 2-3 hours spread out over that whole night. I had the typical anxiety about the babies staying alive all night. Every little sound they made woke me up and I would study their lips for coloring and try to see their little chests move up and down. Finally, I just had to repeat this prayer over and over and over again to get any sleep. Lord, please keep my babies safe while I sleep. I still pray this every night because I still think I am dreaming. I don't know how people are parents without God in their lives, it must be very over whleming.
The next morning we met with the Lactation Consultant. Turns out that my 45 minute "nursing sessions" were actually not giving my babies anything. I was basically exhausting them and then when I would give them al bottle, they would only drink a little. In my mind, that meant that they were getting enough from me but they were actually so tired that they couldn't even drink from the bottle. Bless the consultants heart because she had to be really honest with me about what I was doing wrong, realistic expectations and what breastfeeding twins really would take. She is a mom of twins, born at 31 weeks, so I trusted what she had to say but it doesn't mean it was easy to hear. Between this and the sleep deprivation, I was a total mess. I wanted to go home SO bad on Wednesday and they said I wasn't in a state of mind to understand my discharge papers, so the main focus was getting me some sleep. The consultant wanted me to take a 5 hour nap before going home which I thought was a little ridiculous. They settled for a 1 hour nap (that felt like 5 hours) and a serious change in my outlook on feeding. They brought in a breast pump and I actually got something to feed my babies. It made a huge difference because I had felt like I didn't do that very well in the past 24 hours. I pulled myself together and they let us go home. My list of what I needed to do to get my milk to come in was pretty daunting, including pumping every 2 hours, attempting nursing with each baby, feeding them what I pump and supplementing formula for a feeding every 1-3 hours. I am not someone who is against formula because I know it will take time for my body to produce enough for two babies but it was tough for me to see uh...my "equipment" not working like I thought it would. Trying to be subtle here :) My milk did finally come in on day 5 which they expected with all the swelling I had. We celebrated that day, big time! The work is not over here but that is for another post.
I do have to tell you about our first 20 minutes home with the babies, mostly because I think it is hilarious. My mom wanted to give us some privacy as we brought the babies home. Ben and I cried the whole way home, it felt real now. My Aunt Sarah read me this beautiful poem about leaving the hospital. It talked about how you just take these little, fragile babies and you walk right out the door with them. No one checking to make sure you are ready or if you have a parenting license. It was the moment when we knew they were ours to keep. We were excited to introduce them to our Fur Baby Drewby. We walked into the house and Drew literally sniffed both car seats and that was it. He could care less which is a good thing I guess. We have come home smelling like that hospital a dozen times so maybe he was familiar with it.
I was a nervous mom to get them out of the car seats because they didn't look comfortable at all. Within a few minutes, both babies were crying. I grabbed one to try to nurse but I had to go to the bathroom so bad. I couldn't find my squirt bottle since it was packed in one of the bags. For those of you who don't know, your squirt bottle is your best friend after a vaginal birth and you NEED it to use the bathroom. I settled for a water bottle and left Ben with two crying babies in the living room. After taking care of business, I grabbed what I assumed was the most hungry baby to try and nurse. I couldn't get the "goods" out of the dress I wore home from the hospital and I was getting really flustered. Finally, Ben just told me to take off my dress, so I threw most of my clothes on the floor. I am attempting to nurse one baby while Ben is trying to change the diaper of the other. He is at the changing table in the living room as I walk him through where the wipes and diapers are. Keep in mind that we stocked this thing 7 weeks ago, so my memory is foggy and I am on 2 hours of sleep. I am telling Ben to just "pull out a wipe from that container" over and over again, only to find out that the pack of wipes was unopened inside of it. Poor guy...but we survived. It was a memorable first moments home. After we took a few breathes and started laughing at the chaos, I sent my mom this text, "We are home. The first 20 minutes were chaos. You can come back any time." :)
If felt so good to be home and put babies in swings, bassinets and a cradle that had been empty for far too long. Overall, they have been little angels. Now that we have our feeding under control (still nursing, pumping and supplementing) the babies sleep 3 hours between feedings and only cry when they need food or a diaper change. We are very blessed.
I will write more as I can...
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Words for wordless moments
I have been trying to write this post for the last 5 days but as you can imagine we are busy with our beautiful babies, Carter and Elianna. It is hard to know where to event start but I will share with you our birth story. Warning: I didn't have time to really proof read all of this but I knew you have been waiting to hear about the story!
We were scheduled to be induced on Monday, May 19th at 38 weeks and 1 day. This is the earliest they will induce someone with twins and we were anxiously awaiting the date on the calendar. It is still amazing to me how we spent 5 weeks doing everything we could to stop labor and then the last 2 weeks trying anything to restart it! I know that my time spent on bed rest helped keep our babies inside longer. The memories of pain, discomfort, and irritability are now a distant memory.
Monday morning we were set to come into the hospital at 6:00am but when we called ahead we were bumped to 7:30am but could still go to St. John's. This was one of our fears, that St. John's would be too full to take us but they had a spot for me and I could wait another 1.5 hours. Ben and I went out to breakfast at Perkins to enjoy our last meal as a family for two. We talked about our journey to get to this point and how excited we were to finally meet our children.
Arrived at the hospital at 7:25am (we were a little eager) and when we arrived it was like everything nurse knew us and our twins. They were all so excited that we had made it to 38 weeks. We were in room 15 at St. John's and it should have felt more real at that point but remember, we had been in several rooms there, for several reasons and it never resulted in babies in our arms. They started me on Pitocin and the contractions started coming a little stronger but it took hours to get anywhere exciting. We were joined at the hospital with my Mom and sister-in-law Magen with the rest of the family on standby. Somewhere around 2:00, the pain was taking a turn and I requested the epidural, knowing that this could take an hour to actually happen. At this point, I laughed at all the times I "thought I was in labor" because I was way off. The epidural process was pretty tough. I had back labor so badly at that point that the doctor was having a hard time testing the epidural. He really had to do his job in between my contractions, which were only 2-3 minutes. Once the epidural was in, things calmed down a lot. They had me lay on my side with the Peanut Ball...literally a giant ball the size of a peanut they put between your legs. This was to help Baby Boy get into a better position with the right part of this head coming out first.
At this point, Mom heads out into the hall to call Dad to let him know, "It will still be a while and we would keep him posted" but that changed quickly. They were having trouble tracking Baby Boy with external monitors so they were going to put something on the tip of his head. When the nurse went to do that, she looked surprised but told me I was "complete." GO TIME!!! The next 45 minutes went by super fast as we called my doctor, they prepped the Operating Room and I did some pushing. All twins are born in the operating room, incase they would need to come out quickly by c-section. My Mom, Ben and Magen got dressed in their gear and off we went to meet our babies.
I started pushing and it took about 2 hours for Baby Boy to arrive. Some things about labor were what I expected but others were a surprise. For example, an epidural can only take away pain but I was still feeling pressure. INTENSE pressure that can't be taken away unless you are completely numb which has issues of its own. This birth was a marathon to me...keep in mind that I had to delivery 2 babies so when the head of baby 1 is "almost out"...I am still only 40% done. I had to think long term about my Baby Girl still waiting to arrive. My team of nurses, my doctor and family support was incredible. They said that I was amazing but to be honest, I feel like I just did what I had to do. I had peace, strength, endurance and focus that only God can provide. We cracked jokes during labor, which is something I would totally do.
When Carter entered the world, the room stood still. Out came this beautiful, pink skinned, baby boy with dark curly hard just like his daddy. I was in awe but as a Momma of two...my first thought was one down and one to go. I would be able to fully relax and enjoy the experience until I knew both of my babies were safe. They put Carter right on my chest and with his little eyes, he looked right into my eyes and shifted his stare between myself and Ben. He was so alert and aware of the two of us. He came out looking completely clean, unlike what I was expected. He looked so incredibly healthy and I was in love.
Time for round two...at this point everything looked good and my doctor assured me that at that point, there were no signs that we were need to do a c-section for Baby Girl. I did ask her for more pain meds which I am sure most women delivering twins would do. I begged, offered suggestions that I have no training to do but I was pretty desperate to get more relief before I pushed for another unknown amount of time. She did her best to calm me down and compromise. We were just waiting to give Baby girl a little time to get into position. That time in between was full of Ben holding his Baby Boy, the both of us just staring at his face and I was trying to get my strength together for another birth. It didn't take long for me to feel like it was time to push and while everyone was busy around me, Baby Girl was VERY ready to come out and fast. Now, was the final stage for me and this is where I was ready to use everything I had left to get her out quickly. My fear was that she would get stuck and c-section for me. It was almost too quick because I was pushing really hard (I had this down pretty good by now) and so my oxygen levels would drop and so would Baby Girl's. I worked just as hard to push as I worked to calm myself down in-between pushes. It was a very odd emotional time because my son was in the world, being held 5 feet from me but I had to focus on his sister. I would look over at him with every push as motivation. After only 20 minutes of serious pushing, Elianna entered the world. They laid her on my chest, she didn't make a sound but looked me in the eyes. I feel like babies can see into your sole and that was our moment. Since she wasn't crying, they took her to get looked at but she just had some flem in her throat. Her water broke right before she came out and she may have swallowed some.
Finally, my two babies were in the world but as most of you know, that isn't the end. It was "repair" time and I was convinced whatever epidural I had, was gone. I won't go into details here and this is not intended to scare anyone but it was bad. This is the pain that I will remember for the rest of my life. At the very end, I had to ask someone to take the babies from me because I was in so much pain. I even asked for them to be taken out of the room so they would here their mom in this much pain. It didn't last long as all but it is part of my story. My recovery has been AMAZING and I am so glad I went with a vaginal birth. God knew this was the best route for me and I am so glad I made the choice.
The moment we left the OR, they put both babies in my arms and Ben was at my side. THIS was the moment I was waiting for. I felt so whole, complete, peaceful and a hundred other things. This was the moment that Satan had tried, repeatedly, to convince me...would never come. All the things about the birth of my children that I wanted and even things I didn't know I wanted, had happened. Just another example of my Jesus and how he will give me things I never even know I wanted.
"To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could hope or imagine" The scripture of this pregnancy.
We are home and doing very well. I want to share more with you about Elianna and Carter but I here them both getting ready to wake up. I also have BEAUTIFUL pictures to share that were taken by my sister Magen, so I will try to get those up soon.
I can't take credit for how amazing these children are. So many of you have been praying for them and look at what prayer can do? Obviously, I am bias but I think these are the most beautiful, perfect babies I have ever seen.
We would love your continued prayers and any other blessings you would send our way. Helping us out with meals right now is the absolute best way to bless us. Ben goes back to work on Tuesday and I am starting my role and super mom. Please contact us if you would like to bring a meal or have one delivered. You can also sign up to bring us a meal at this link: https://www.foodtidings.com/Schedule/View/56b9e32d-4d9e-4e2a-a0bf-3cba7ff3b744
Here are just a few pics from the photo shoot we had this week with the photographer from "Pictures to Pretties"
We were scheduled to be induced on Monday, May 19th at 38 weeks and 1 day. This is the earliest they will induce someone with twins and we were anxiously awaiting the date on the calendar. It is still amazing to me how we spent 5 weeks doing everything we could to stop labor and then the last 2 weeks trying anything to restart it! I know that my time spent on bed rest helped keep our babies inside longer. The memories of pain, discomfort, and irritability are now a distant memory.
Monday morning we were set to come into the hospital at 6:00am but when we called ahead we were bumped to 7:30am but could still go to St. John's. This was one of our fears, that St. John's would be too full to take us but they had a spot for me and I could wait another 1.5 hours. Ben and I went out to breakfast at Perkins to enjoy our last meal as a family for two. We talked about our journey to get to this point and how excited we were to finally meet our children.
Arrived at the hospital at 7:25am (we were a little eager) and when we arrived it was like everything nurse knew us and our twins. They were all so excited that we had made it to 38 weeks. We were in room 15 at St. John's and it should have felt more real at that point but remember, we had been in several rooms there, for several reasons and it never resulted in babies in our arms. They started me on Pitocin and the contractions started coming a little stronger but it took hours to get anywhere exciting. We were joined at the hospital with my Mom and sister-in-law Magen with the rest of the family on standby. Somewhere around 2:00, the pain was taking a turn and I requested the epidural, knowing that this could take an hour to actually happen. At this point, I laughed at all the times I "thought I was in labor" because I was way off. The epidural process was pretty tough. I had back labor so badly at that point that the doctor was having a hard time testing the epidural. He really had to do his job in between my contractions, which were only 2-3 minutes. Once the epidural was in, things calmed down a lot. They had me lay on my side with the Peanut Ball...literally a giant ball the size of a peanut they put between your legs. This was to help Baby Boy get into a better position with the right part of this head coming out first.
At this point, Mom heads out into the hall to call Dad to let him know, "It will still be a while and we would keep him posted" but that changed quickly. They were having trouble tracking Baby Boy with external monitors so they were going to put something on the tip of his head. When the nurse went to do that, she looked surprised but told me I was "complete." GO TIME!!! The next 45 minutes went by super fast as we called my doctor, they prepped the Operating Room and I did some pushing. All twins are born in the operating room, incase they would need to come out quickly by c-section. My Mom, Ben and Magen got dressed in their gear and off we went to meet our babies.
I started pushing and it took about 2 hours for Baby Boy to arrive. Some things about labor were what I expected but others were a surprise. For example, an epidural can only take away pain but I was still feeling pressure. INTENSE pressure that can't be taken away unless you are completely numb which has issues of its own. This birth was a marathon to me...keep in mind that I had to delivery 2 babies so when the head of baby 1 is "almost out"...I am still only 40% done. I had to think long term about my Baby Girl still waiting to arrive. My team of nurses, my doctor and family support was incredible. They said that I was amazing but to be honest, I feel like I just did what I had to do. I had peace, strength, endurance and focus that only God can provide. We cracked jokes during labor, which is something I would totally do.
When Carter entered the world, the room stood still. Out came this beautiful, pink skinned, baby boy with dark curly hard just like his daddy. I was in awe but as a Momma of two...my first thought was one down and one to go. I would be able to fully relax and enjoy the experience until I knew both of my babies were safe. They put Carter right on my chest and with his little eyes, he looked right into my eyes and shifted his stare between myself and Ben. He was so alert and aware of the two of us. He came out looking completely clean, unlike what I was expected. He looked so incredibly healthy and I was in love.
Time for round two...at this point everything looked good and my doctor assured me that at that point, there were no signs that we were need to do a c-section for Baby Girl. I did ask her for more pain meds which I am sure most women delivering twins would do. I begged, offered suggestions that I have no training to do but I was pretty desperate to get more relief before I pushed for another unknown amount of time. She did her best to calm me down and compromise. We were just waiting to give Baby girl a little time to get into position. That time in between was full of Ben holding his Baby Boy, the both of us just staring at his face and I was trying to get my strength together for another birth. It didn't take long for me to feel like it was time to push and while everyone was busy around me, Baby Girl was VERY ready to come out and fast. Now, was the final stage for me and this is where I was ready to use everything I had left to get her out quickly. My fear was that she would get stuck and c-section for me. It was almost too quick because I was pushing really hard (I had this down pretty good by now) and so my oxygen levels would drop and so would Baby Girl's. I worked just as hard to push as I worked to calm myself down in-between pushes. It was a very odd emotional time because my son was in the world, being held 5 feet from me but I had to focus on his sister. I would look over at him with every push as motivation. After only 20 minutes of serious pushing, Elianna entered the world. They laid her on my chest, she didn't make a sound but looked me in the eyes. I feel like babies can see into your sole and that was our moment. Since she wasn't crying, they took her to get looked at but she just had some flem in her throat. Her water broke right before she came out and she may have swallowed some.
Finally, my two babies were in the world but as most of you know, that isn't the end. It was "repair" time and I was convinced whatever epidural I had, was gone. I won't go into details here and this is not intended to scare anyone but it was bad. This is the pain that I will remember for the rest of my life. At the very end, I had to ask someone to take the babies from me because I was in so much pain. I even asked for them to be taken out of the room so they would here their mom in this much pain. It didn't last long as all but it is part of my story. My recovery has been AMAZING and I am so glad I went with a vaginal birth. God knew this was the best route for me and I am so glad I made the choice.
The moment we left the OR, they put both babies in my arms and Ben was at my side. THIS was the moment I was waiting for. I felt so whole, complete, peaceful and a hundred other things. This was the moment that Satan had tried, repeatedly, to convince me...would never come. All the things about the birth of my children that I wanted and even things I didn't know I wanted, had happened. Just another example of my Jesus and how he will give me things I never even know I wanted.
"To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could hope or imagine" The scripture of this pregnancy.
We are home and doing very well. I want to share more with you about Elianna and Carter but I here them both getting ready to wake up. I also have BEAUTIFUL pictures to share that were taken by my sister Magen, so I will try to get those up soon.
I can't take credit for how amazing these children are. So many of you have been praying for them and look at what prayer can do? Obviously, I am bias but I think these are the most beautiful, perfect babies I have ever seen.
We would love your continued prayers and any other blessings you would send our way. Helping us out with meals right now is the absolute best way to bless us. Ben goes back to work on Tuesday and I am starting my role and super mom. Please contact us if you would like to bring a meal or have one delivered. You can also sign up to bring us a meal at this link: https://www.foodtidings.com/Schedule/View/56b9e32d-4d9e-4e2a-a0bf-3cba7ff3b744
Here are just a few pics from the photo shoot we had this week with the photographer from "Pictures to Pretties"
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
I just wanted you to know...
As we get closer and closer to the beginning or end of this journey, depending on what journey we are talking about, I wanted to write down some thoughts. I love the idea of writing your children a letter before they are born. Here is mine:
Sweet Babies,
You are almost here and you have kept us in suspense for a long time. Your Dad and I cannot wait to finally hold you in our arms. There are a few things I wanted to make sure you knew about. First of all, so many people have been praying for you since before you were conceived. You are a product of the Lord's faithfulness and even though that is hard to comprehend as a child, I hope to remind you of this in the future. You are so loved and wanted by our family and friends.
To my sweet little girl,
We had a feeling you were a girl from our very first ultrasound in October 2013. When we showed your Papa (Dodge) the ultrasound picture, he commented that you had the bigger "apartment" and were probably a girl. We were worried about you early in the pregnancy but you were a little fighter. One of the ultrasound pictures shows you with your arms up, flexing your muscles and showing me that you were strong enough. When it was confirmed that you were a girl, I think your Daddy was the most excited. Your Daddy is the sweetest man alive and he loves me the way I hope someone will someday love you. I always felt your kicks more than your brother. You have also been the most unpredictable and I can't wait to get to know you more. I am so blessed to have a daughter. I know how special my relationship is with my mom and I am already so in love with you and so is everyone else.
To my sweet little boy,
We had a feeling you were a boy from the beginning and our dream has come true to have both a boy and girl in our family. You have been a little mystery to us for most of the pregnancy. You hid your little face most of the time and your movements are more subtle. Your Daddy and I are so excited to meet you. It seems that you are your sister are getting along so far but I pray that you will be her protector. Your Daddy and Grandpas cannot wait to explore this world with you have lots of adventures. You are the first grandson on the Dodge side of the family and will soon be joined by your boy cousin on the Ulland side. I am thankful that you will have another little boy to grow up with! You have so many strong men to look up to in our family. I want you to know that we are all already in love with you.
Let me tell you about your Daddy...
He is so special. He is unlike any other man I have ever met and he has wanted to be a Daddy for a long time. We have taken classes, read books and watched DVDs about how to be the best parents possible but the easiest part is how much he loves you. He is saving his first diaper change for one of you, so be patient as he learns a few things. :o) Your Daddy is ready to give up so much because he would rather be at home, holding you and watching Twins games on TV. He can't wait to teach you about life, sports, God, family and everything else because he loves to share his knowledge. His compassion for others is amazing and you will see this over time. He also knows the best way to love your Mom. He took care of me for weeks before you arrived and he did it with joy and a smile on his face.
Let me tell you about your grandparents...
Oh babies, are you in store for some love. You have the best grandparents in the world just waiting to meet you. They have waited a long long time for this day to come and they couldn't be more excited. They have already started to spoil you with gifts but I hope you know them more for how much they love you and spend time with you. You are also lucky enough to have 5 great-grandparents that are equally excited to meet you! You will spend many hours with your grandparents since they are the greatest help we have and our hands will be full with the both of you! Value every minute with them because it is a gift.
Let me tell you about Jesus...
I am sure you already know him because he hand picked you to be our children. You are a miracle and I will always look at you that way. Your arrival has given so many people hope and faith in the Lord's promises. I pray that I can teach you all about Jesus and I pray that you experience the love, forgiveness and amazement that faith can bring to your life.
It looks like we will be meeting very soon. I can't even comprehend what that moment will be like when we look into each other's eyes but I know it will change my heart forever. That place in my heart that has been empty for so long, will be overflowing with unimaginable joy. I.Can't.Wait.
Sweet Babies,
You are almost here and you have kept us in suspense for a long time. Your Dad and I cannot wait to finally hold you in our arms. There are a few things I wanted to make sure you knew about. First of all, so many people have been praying for you since before you were conceived. You are a product of the Lord's faithfulness and even though that is hard to comprehend as a child, I hope to remind you of this in the future. You are so loved and wanted by our family and friends.
To my sweet little girl,
We had a feeling you were a girl from our very first ultrasound in October 2013. When we showed your Papa (Dodge) the ultrasound picture, he commented that you had the bigger "apartment" and were probably a girl. We were worried about you early in the pregnancy but you were a little fighter. One of the ultrasound pictures shows you with your arms up, flexing your muscles and showing me that you were strong enough. When it was confirmed that you were a girl, I think your Daddy was the most excited. Your Daddy is the sweetest man alive and he loves me the way I hope someone will someday love you. I always felt your kicks more than your brother. You have also been the most unpredictable and I can't wait to get to know you more. I am so blessed to have a daughter. I know how special my relationship is with my mom and I am already so in love with you and so is everyone else.
To my sweet little boy,
We had a feeling you were a boy from the beginning and our dream has come true to have both a boy and girl in our family. You have been a little mystery to us for most of the pregnancy. You hid your little face most of the time and your movements are more subtle. Your Daddy and I are so excited to meet you. It seems that you are your sister are getting along so far but I pray that you will be her protector. Your Daddy and Grandpas cannot wait to explore this world with you have lots of adventures. You are the first grandson on the Dodge side of the family and will soon be joined by your boy cousin on the Ulland side. I am thankful that you will have another little boy to grow up with! You have so many strong men to look up to in our family. I want you to know that we are all already in love with you.
Let me tell you about your Daddy...
He is so special. He is unlike any other man I have ever met and he has wanted to be a Daddy for a long time. We have taken classes, read books and watched DVDs about how to be the best parents possible but the easiest part is how much he loves you. He is saving his first diaper change for one of you, so be patient as he learns a few things. :o) Your Daddy is ready to give up so much because he would rather be at home, holding you and watching Twins games on TV. He can't wait to teach you about life, sports, God, family and everything else because he loves to share his knowledge. His compassion for others is amazing and you will see this over time. He also knows the best way to love your Mom. He took care of me for weeks before you arrived and he did it with joy and a smile on his face.
Let me tell you about your grandparents...
Oh babies, are you in store for some love. You have the best grandparents in the world just waiting to meet you. They have waited a long long time for this day to come and they couldn't be more excited. They have already started to spoil you with gifts but I hope you know them more for how much they love you and spend time with you. You are also lucky enough to have 5 great-grandparents that are equally excited to meet you! You will spend many hours with your grandparents since they are the greatest help we have and our hands will be full with the both of you! Value every minute with them because it is a gift.
Let me tell you about Jesus...
I am sure you already know him because he hand picked you to be our children. You are a miracle and I will always look at you that way. Your arrival has given so many people hope and faith in the Lord's promises. I pray that I can teach you all about Jesus and I pray that you experience the love, forgiveness and amazement that faith can bring to your life.
It looks like we will be meeting very soon. I can't even comprehend what that moment will be like when we look into each other's eyes but I know it will change my heart forever. That place in my heart that has been empty for so long, will be overflowing with unimaginable joy. I.Can't.Wait.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Do they know?
Yes, I am still pregnant. Yes, I am beyond ready and yes, we are very lucky to have made it to 37 weeks. Our twins are now considered "full term" and we can't believe how hard it is to wait to meet them.
We had hoped that they would be here by Mother's Day but they must need a little more time. I never thought I would still be pregnant on Mother's Day and I wasn't sure how I would feel on this day. To be honest, I am starting to doubt they will ever get here and I will be pregnant forever. My physical discomfort and pain has made it hard to see very far past myself lately which is not how I usually am. I have actively tried to be thankful for every single part of this experience, knowing how blessed I am but my body has limitations too. Every day I depend on God to keep me positive and focused on the miracle that is happening. The miracle that will be here in 8 days at the most!
Mother's Day has brought mixed emotions for me today. I don't feel like a mother yet which I know many would argue. I think part of it is the disbelief that this is all really happening and this familiar feeling of waiting. I feel movement in my stomach and I see fuzzy pictures but it won't be real to me till I look into their eyes and feel them in my arms. I find myself thinking more about the people on my "Waiting for a Miracle" prayer list, which sadly keeps growing.
In the past, this holiday was difficult. Not because I was bitter or angry but because it was a whole day that just reminded me of the missing part of my life. I just keep thinking to myself, "Do those parents know how blessed they are?" Whether it took you one time or 10 years to get pregnant, it was a gift that is not offered to all. There are couples that spend tens of thousands of dollars on attempts and the hope to be a mother, only to find out it failed repeatedly. There are mothers who have babies in heaven and their hearts are never whole again. There are couples who pray and trust in God for a miracle but each month brings disappointment. Every parent I see, I ask myself, "Do they know how blessed they are?" Most of the time, I think they don't know and can't even comprehend the struggle that others go through. I pray that I am a parent that can try to remember how blessed I am, even on the really hard days.
What about the other blessings we take for granted? You may have a horrible job that doesn't pay well and stresses you out but do you know how blessed you are to have a job? You may have a poor relationship with your parent that is full of nothing but conflict but do you know how blessed you are to have your parent here on earth? Do you see where I am going with this?
I have always loved this saying:
A holiday like today just makes me pray for those who long to be mothers but aren't yet or never will be, mothers with angel babies, those who have a mother in heaven and anyone who longs for a better relationship with their mother. Maybe this is a sign of maturing but I find myself praying more for those without than celebrating what I already have. Don't get me wrong, my mother is incredible. She is the most compassionate, genuine, loving and strong woman of God I have ever met. She is my best friend and I know how blessed I am but it makes me want the same thing for others. I want others to get their miracles too.
Be thankful for what you have and pray for others who may not have the same blessings. As I am going through these last difficult weeks of twin pregnancy, I will try to keep my thoughts on the joy that is coming and continue to pray for those still waiting for their own miracles.
We had hoped that they would be here by Mother's Day but they must need a little more time. I never thought I would still be pregnant on Mother's Day and I wasn't sure how I would feel on this day. To be honest, I am starting to doubt they will ever get here and I will be pregnant forever. My physical discomfort and pain has made it hard to see very far past myself lately which is not how I usually am. I have actively tried to be thankful for every single part of this experience, knowing how blessed I am but my body has limitations too. Every day I depend on God to keep me positive and focused on the miracle that is happening. The miracle that will be here in 8 days at the most!
Mother's Day has brought mixed emotions for me today. I don't feel like a mother yet which I know many would argue. I think part of it is the disbelief that this is all really happening and this familiar feeling of waiting. I feel movement in my stomach and I see fuzzy pictures but it won't be real to me till I look into their eyes and feel them in my arms. I find myself thinking more about the people on my "Waiting for a Miracle" prayer list, which sadly keeps growing.
In the past, this holiday was difficult. Not because I was bitter or angry but because it was a whole day that just reminded me of the missing part of my life. I just keep thinking to myself, "Do those parents know how blessed they are?" Whether it took you one time or 10 years to get pregnant, it was a gift that is not offered to all. There are couples that spend tens of thousands of dollars on attempts and the hope to be a mother, only to find out it failed repeatedly. There are mothers who have babies in heaven and their hearts are never whole again. There are couples who pray and trust in God for a miracle but each month brings disappointment. Every parent I see, I ask myself, "Do they know how blessed they are?" Most of the time, I think they don't know and can't even comprehend the struggle that others go through. I pray that I am a parent that can try to remember how blessed I am, even on the really hard days.
What about the other blessings we take for granted? You may have a horrible job that doesn't pay well and stresses you out but do you know how blessed you are to have a job? You may have a poor relationship with your parent that is full of nothing but conflict but do you know how blessed you are to have your parent here on earth? Do you see where I am going with this?
I have always loved this saying:
A holiday like today just makes me pray for those who long to be mothers but aren't yet or never will be, mothers with angel babies, those who have a mother in heaven and anyone who longs for a better relationship with their mother. Maybe this is a sign of maturing but I find myself praying more for those without than celebrating what I already have. Don't get me wrong, my mother is incredible. She is the most compassionate, genuine, loving and strong woman of God I have ever met. She is my best friend and I know how blessed I am but it makes me want the same thing for others. I want others to get their miracles too.
Mother and daughter on my wedding day!
Be thankful for what you have and pray for others who may not have the same blessings. As I am going through these last difficult weeks of twin pregnancy, I will try to keep my thoughts on the joy that is coming and continue to pray for those still waiting for their own miracles.
37 Weeks
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
A change in prayers
Since the moment we found out we were having twins...we prayed to make it to the magical 36 week mark. We remember back to 10 weeks, 25 weeks and 31 weeks when we never thought we would make it this far. We are blessed and very thankful for the Lord's faithfulness during this time.
It is no secret that the past few weeks have been difficult on me physically, so it is no surprise that I am ready for the babies to arrive. It is just interesting how fast our prayers can change. For months we prayed, "Lord, please don't let me go into labor. Please keep the babies inside and give them more time." and then a few days ago it changed to "Lord, please let them come. Please don't make me wait another 2 weeks, I don't know if my body can handle it." God's plan for our babies arrive has never changed but yet our prayers constantly do based on our emotions and immediate circumstance. I am glad his plans are already done, the story already written because it shows how constant and consistent he is in all his promises.
The past week has not gone by without its own excitement. Our doctor appointment went very well on Friday and gave us a pleasant surprise that both babies are head down. Somehow, baby girl was able to turn herself during week 35 which rarely happens. This means that for the first time in our pregnancy, a vaginal birth had become a viable option. This threw me a bit as I have been preparing for a c-section. The change in position has opened up a whole new area of discussion between us and our doctor. During the ultrasound we also discovered that the babies estimated weights are 7lbs and 6lbs 1oz. The babies have been within a few ounces of each other so this was different. It is not something to be concerned about yet but they will keep a close eye on their growth at our next appointment on Friday. Ben and I sat in the waiting room after the ultrasound trying to wrap our heads around a possible change in our birth plan and what the weight difference means for our babies. It was a long wait while I resisted to Google "weight differences in twins."
Our doctor answered all our questions, calmed our nerves about the weight difference and gave us the go ahead and stop taking the medication that has been decreasing my contractions. We also discovered that I was 3 cm dilated and the doctor could actually feel Baby Boy's head! She stripped my membranes which usually jump starts labor and we were hoping for babies in the next few days! Well, we did make a trip to the hospital late Friday night with strong contractions every 3 minutes but soon after we arrived they slowed down. I was not in active labor. Myself, Ben and my mom left the hospital disappointed. This was the first visit that they were not trying to stop labor but start it. I really wanted it to happen while my mom was already in town for the weekend but we were sent home empty handed. What a different experience. We tried some other tricks in the book over the weekend but without luck.
We had another doctor appointment yesterday to check on some other things they were worried about regarding preeclampsia but the initial tests look good. I was planning to hear that I was at least another centimeter dilated but the doctor could no longer feel Baby Boy's head which means the babies have moved. We did an ultrasound to see what their positioning is and Baby Girl is more transverse (sideways) and Baby Boy has moved away from the exit. I feel like we took a few steps backwards but it could all change again at any moment. Baby Girl's move means that a vaginal birth is a risk that could equal a c-section as well. Their positions will be what makes the decision when we show up at the hospital for the real thing.
I am still spending each day trying to be thankful for another day of quiet and rest but we CANNOT wait to meet our babies. I have been actually getting better sleep the last few nights, the best in months. Part of me hopes that my body knows I need the rest for something ahead. :) I spend my days in a recliner, trying to keep the swelling down in my feet while I stare at an empty baby swing. I dream of what they look like and what our lives will look like in a week, a month and a year. Ben and I talk about watching Twins games with a baby on each of our chests. We have started to say their names out loud to each other in conversation. We also talk about the times in the past when we didn't know if anything like this would happen to us.
For now, we pray for patience and understanding that our babies need more time. We also pray about being able to go to our hospital and for a smooth birth, whatever we end up deciding on. We won't be making any announcements until the babies are here. I am not the type to share the play-by-play of their arrival. Thank you for following us on this journey. We are almost there and soon you will meet the two little miracles you have been praying for!
.JPG)
It is no secret that the past few weeks have been difficult on me physically, so it is no surprise that I am ready for the babies to arrive. It is just interesting how fast our prayers can change. For months we prayed, "Lord, please don't let me go into labor. Please keep the babies inside and give them more time." and then a few days ago it changed to "Lord, please let them come. Please don't make me wait another 2 weeks, I don't know if my body can handle it." God's plan for our babies arrive has never changed but yet our prayers constantly do based on our emotions and immediate circumstance. I am glad his plans are already done, the story already written because it shows how constant and consistent he is in all his promises.
The past week has not gone by without its own excitement. Our doctor appointment went very well on Friday and gave us a pleasant surprise that both babies are head down. Somehow, baby girl was able to turn herself during week 35 which rarely happens. This means that for the first time in our pregnancy, a vaginal birth had become a viable option. This threw me a bit as I have been preparing for a c-section. The change in position has opened up a whole new area of discussion between us and our doctor. During the ultrasound we also discovered that the babies estimated weights are 7lbs and 6lbs 1oz. The babies have been within a few ounces of each other so this was different. It is not something to be concerned about yet but they will keep a close eye on their growth at our next appointment on Friday. Ben and I sat in the waiting room after the ultrasound trying to wrap our heads around a possible change in our birth plan and what the weight difference means for our babies. It was a long wait while I resisted to Google "weight differences in twins."
Our doctor answered all our questions, calmed our nerves about the weight difference and gave us the go ahead and stop taking the medication that has been decreasing my contractions. We also discovered that I was 3 cm dilated and the doctor could actually feel Baby Boy's head! She stripped my membranes which usually jump starts labor and we were hoping for babies in the next few days! Well, we did make a trip to the hospital late Friday night with strong contractions every 3 minutes but soon after we arrived they slowed down. I was not in active labor. Myself, Ben and my mom left the hospital disappointed. This was the first visit that they were not trying to stop labor but start it. I really wanted it to happen while my mom was already in town for the weekend but we were sent home empty handed. What a different experience. We tried some other tricks in the book over the weekend but without luck.
We had another doctor appointment yesterday to check on some other things they were worried about regarding preeclampsia but the initial tests look good. I was planning to hear that I was at least another centimeter dilated but the doctor could no longer feel Baby Boy's head which means the babies have moved. We did an ultrasound to see what their positioning is and Baby Girl is more transverse (sideways) and Baby Boy has moved away from the exit. I feel like we took a few steps backwards but it could all change again at any moment. Baby Girl's move means that a vaginal birth is a risk that could equal a c-section as well. Their positions will be what makes the decision when we show up at the hospital for the real thing.
I am still spending each day trying to be thankful for another day of quiet and rest but we CANNOT wait to meet our babies. I have been actually getting better sleep the last few nights, the best in months. Part of me hopes that my body knows I need the rest for something ahead. :) I spend my days in a recliner, trying to keep the swelling down in my feet while I stare at an empty baby swing. I dream of what they look like and what our lives will look like in a week, a month and a year. Ben and I talk about watching Twins games with a baby on each of our chests. We have started to say their names out loud to each other in conversation. We also talk about the times in the past when we didn't know if anything like this would happen to us.
For now, we pray for patience and understanding that our babies need more time. We also pray about being able to go to our hospital and for a smooth birth, whatever we end up deciding on. We won't be making any announcements until the babies are here. I am not the type to share the play-by-play of their arrival. Thank you for following us on this journey. We are almost there and soon you will meet the two little miracles you have been praying for!
36 Weeks 1 Day
Monday, April 28, 2014
The uterus that cried wolf...
I have been in a hospital more in the last 3 months than my whole life combined. We are now pros at getting to the hospital, knowing which entrance to go into depending on the day/hour, bringing my hospital bag, babies' bag and Ben's bag of entertainment and snacks. The first few trips, we didn't want to have the babies and we were happy to return home with empty arms but that is changing. At our last appointment the babies were 5lbs 6oz and 5lbs 9oz and they are doing great!
We are now at 35 weeks and 1 day, our OB is back from vacation and our house is completely ready for babies. Our babies are healthy and growing ahead of schedule. We are anxiously waiting to meet them so our trips to the hospital have a different feel. Last Saturday we had our more recent "false alarm" but it was bumpy this time. I have been taking medicine to reduce my contractions since the beginning of the month. I still get contractions, even on the medication, but they are mild and just uncomfortable. Saturday they started to get stronger and more frequent. The medicine didn't seem to impact them at all. Once they were 5 minutes apart and were starting to be painful, we made the call to come into St. Johns. We had some excitement knowing that this could be the beginning of labor but hesitant because our OB was still on vacation. Well, my calm/excited feeling faded fast when we found out that St. John's was full and couldn't take us. We had to go somewhere else. I LOVE St. John's and this was not something I anticipated happening. The doctor on call wanted us to go to United but we didn't like that option either. After a few phone calls, we were sent to Woodwinds in Woodbury.
Right off the bat, I just didn't feel good about being there. We get into the ER and one women is telling the staff that she is going to go home because she doesn't want to wait 4 hours again. The security guard was actually the one to call the maternity ward and ask for someone to come get us. This women comes to get us, no introduction but just start wheeling us down hallways. We get there and they put us in this hamster size room. No joke...the door (a curtain) to the room was about 3 feet past end of my bed and only wide enough for the bed, a chair and the baby monitoring cart side by side. My gut is telling me, I don't want to have my babies here. Please keep in mind, my hormones are off the wall lately. I calmed down a little when our nurse told us she had 13 year old twin boys but she soon would be ending her shift. I had a gown but they never offered me a robe. This bothered me since I had to walk out of my room into a hallway to go to a public restroom with my backside hanging out. Luckily, I had my own robe. By now, my excitement is gone and I just prayed for a reason for the contractions and discharge papers. Urine sample was "tainted" which meant it wasn't a UTI like last time. They tracked me and the babies for a while and had me change position. She checked my cervix, dilated 1 cm and I was 50% efface. That could have happened that night or over the past 10 days. They checked me again 2 hours later and no change. The "doctor on call" who I still have no clue who that was making these decisions since we never saw a doctor, wanted to keep me overnight for observation anyway. By now I am crying but not really sure the full reason why.
I can barely sleep at home and I knew I wouldn't sleep in the hospital bed at all. Ben was in this small chair that reclined. I just didn't want to be there. I wanted to be at my hospital, with my doctor and with a plan to hold my babies in my arms. Physically, I am spent and this was not helping. I am starting to lose it emotionally, physically and mentally. I am just tired of the false alarms.
All I can think is that this is another medical bill I will have to fight to get cleared up, another night of no sleep and we are no more closer to meeting out babies. Yes, it was a pity party but I needed to have at least a few this pregnancy. I know how blessed I am but I am human and carrying twins is hard. This night was the first night I really prayed for God to ease the physical impact of this pregnancy. Poor Ben just did what he could to console his emotional, inarticulate, confused wife in pain.
Finally, at 4 am I couldn't take it anymore. I called for the nurse and asked to go home. I hadn't had a contraction is almost 2 hours and I wasn't sleeping at all. Bless that nurse too..I am sure she has seen her share of crazy but I was less than delightful that night. She called the doctor, hocked me up to track babies and contractions for a while and they let me go. I think she thought I was upset because it wasn't "my hospital" but it was more than that.
Ben and I are thankful that our babies are still growing inside of me. I have to remind myself that I may be ready for them to arrive but they aren't ready yet. I have a new appreciation for my hospital and pray that when it IS time that they will have room for us. Our goal is to make it to 36 weeks which is 6 more days away. In 6 days...the experience of their births that I have hoped for is more of a reality. Since we are scheduled for a c-section, there is little I have control over but here is my wish list...
-They both enter the world with loud healthy cries
-Ben and I get to hold them (skin-to-skin) minutes after they are born
-I can nurse them when they first show interest
-Ben doesn't have to leave me in the OR to go with one or both babies to the NICU or Specialty Care Nursery(SCN)
-We have the option to keep them in our room with us all the time
-They go home WITH us and don't need additional time in the NICU/SCN...this is the big one. Leaving the hospital without both of your babies is trying for any parent.
We are closer to all of these wishes coming true with every day they continue to stay inside. I have always been and honest blogger and honestly...it has been a tough couple of days. Anyone who has had a difficult pregnancy, twins or not...knows this difficult place where your "miracle is making you miserable." A tagline from the book my brother gave Ben called, "Pregnancy Sucks for Men." I have been reading it because it does have some humor mixed in with the difficult parts of pregnancy and parenting.
I feel better today which why I wrote a new blog since yesterday's draft was...um, not uplifting? That is putting it gently. My prayers are different lately but still remind me of my full dependence on God to get through each day. It is easy to drift away as your dreams start to come true. I will try to be thankful for false alarms, an irritable uterus, aching muscles and sleepless night...but this is temporary and the joy that is coming is beyond what we can even comprehend.
.JPG)
This is my new theme song...;)
We are now at 35 weeks and 1 day, our OB is back from vacation and our house is completely ready for babies. Our babies are healthy and growing ahead of schedule. We are anxiously waiting to meet them so our trips to the hospital have a different feel. Last Saturday we had our more recent "false alarm" but it was bumpy this time. I have been taking medicine to reduce my contractions since the beginning of the month. I still get contractions, even on the medication, but they are mild and just uncomfortable. Saturday they started to get stronger and more frequent. The medicine didn't seem to impact them at all. Once they were 5 minutes apart and were starting to be painful, we made the call to come into St. Johns. We had some excitement knowing that this could be the beginning of labor but hesitant because our OB was still on vacation. Well, my calm/excited feeling faded fast when we found out that St. John's was full and couldn't take us. We had to go somewhere else. I LOVE St. John's and this was not something I anticipated happening. The doctor on call wanted us to go to United but we didn't like that option either. After a few phone calls, we were sent to Woodwinds in Woodbury.
Right off the bat, I just didn't feel good about being there. We get into the ER and one women is telling the staff that she is going to go home because she doesn't want to wait 4 hours again. The security guard was actually the one to call the maternity ward and ask for someone to come get us. This women comes to get us, no introduction but just start wheeling us down hallways. We get there and they put us in this hamster size room. No joke...the door (a curtain) to the room was about 3 feet past end of my bed and only wide enough for the bed, a chair and the baby monitoring cart side by side. My gut is telling me, I don't want to have my babies here. Please keep in mind, my hormones are off the wall lately. I calmed down a little when our nurse told us she had 13 year old twin boys but she soon would be ending her shift. I had a gown but they never offered me a robe. This bothered me since I had to walk out of my room into a hallway to go to a public restroom with my backside hanging out. Luckily, I had my own robe. By now, my excitement is gone and I just prayed for a reason for the contractions and discharge papers. Urine sample was "tainted" which meant it wasn't a UTI like last time. They tracked me and the babies for a while and had me change position. She checked my cervix, dilated 1 cm and I was 50% efface. That could have happened that night or over the past 10 days. They checked me again 2 hours later and no change. The "doctor on call" who I still have no clue who that was making these decisions since we never saw a doctor, wanted to keep me overnight for observation anyway. By now I am crying but not really sure the full reason why.
I can barely sleep at home and I knew I wouldn't sleep in the hospital bed at all. Ben was in this small chair that reclined. I just didn't want to be there. I wanted to be at my hospital, with my doctor and with a plan to hold my babies in my arms. Physically, I am spent and this was not helping. I am starting to lose it emotionally, physically and mentally. I am just tired of the false alarms.
All I can think is that this is another medical bill I will have to fight to get cleared up, another night of no sleep and we are no more closer to meeting out babies. Yes, it was a pity party but I needed to have at least a few this pregnancy. I know how blessed I am but I am human and carrying twins is hard. This night was the first night I really prayed for God to ease the physical impact of this pregnancy. Poor Ben just did what he could to console his emotional, inarticulate, confused wife in pain.
Finally, at 4 am I couldn't take it anymore. I called for the nurse and asked to go home. I hadn't had a contraction is almost 2 hours and I wasn't sleeping at all. Bless that nurse too..I am sure she has seen her share of crazy but I was less than delightful that night. She called the doctor, hocked me up to track babies and contractions for a while and they let me go. I think she thought I was upset because it wasn't "my hospital" but it was more than that.
Ben and I are thankful that our babies are still growing inside of me. I have to remind myself that I may be ready for them to arrive but they aren't ready yet. I have a new appreciation for my hospital and pray that when it IS time that they will have room for us. Our goal is to make it to 36 weeks which is 6 more days away. In 6 days...the experience of their births that I have hoped for is more of a reality. Since we are scheduled for a c-section, there is little I have control over but here is my wish list...
-They both enter the world with loud healthy cries
-Ben and I get to hold them (skin-to-skin) minutes after they are born
-I can nurse them when they first show interest
-Ben doesn't have to leave me in the OR to go with one or both babies to the NICU or Specialty Care Nursery(SCN)
-We have the option to keep them in our room with us all the time
-They go home WITH us and don't need additional time in the NICU/SCN...this is the big one. Leaving the hospital without both of your babies is trying for any parent.
We are closer to all of these wishes coming true with every day they continue to stay inside. I have always been and honest blogger and honestly...it has been a tough couple of days. Anyone who has had a difficult pregnancy, twins or not...knows this difficult place where your "miracle is making you miserable." A tagline from the book my brother gave Ben called, "Pregnancy Sucks for Men." I have been reading it because it does have some humor mixed in with the difficult parts of pregnancy and parenting.
I feel better today which why I wrote a new blog since yesterday's draft was...um, not uplifting? That is putting it gently. My prayers are different lately but still remind me of my full dependence on God to get through each day. It is easy to drift away as your dreams start to come true. I will try to be thankful for false alarms, an irritable uterus, aching muscles and sleepless night...but this is temporary and the joy that is coming is beyond what we can even comprehend.
35 weeks 1 day
This is my new theme song...;)
Sunday, April 20, 2014
They didn't know Sunday was coming...
It is a big day for us for two reasons! #1 Easter and #2 We made it to 34 Weeks!!!
I haven't been able to shake this idea that when Jesus was cruicified, they didn't know Sunday (His resurrection) was coming. I have been thinking about this ever since I read a post from this blog www.trialsbringjoy.wordpress.com and I wanted to give her credit because the words have stuck with me. The blog talks about how they didn't know Sunday was coming. They didn't know Jesus would conquer death and be resurrected. What a dark and sad day it must have been on the Friday and Saturday before. It must have felt...hopeless.
I think we have all had times in our lives that felt like "Sunday was never coming." When you are waiting to start your family and every month comes with another wave of disappointment, it can make you doubt that "Sunday" will ever arrive. When you apply for dozens of jobs without any interviews, it can make you doubt that "Sunday" will every arrive.
Without the hope of Christ, I wonder how people make it through the day. I have often said that the best way I can describe what it is like to be a Christian is that I always have hope. Without hope, what is there that makes us take one more step towards a goal that seems impossible? Without hope, why would we keep trying when we encounter failure after failure? Satan tells us their is no hope but somehow we all feel that little voice telling us that it will be ok. That is the hope that Christ gave us when he rose on the 3rd day. He showed us that this life isn't the end. Our story can have an alternate ending at any point in time. A happy ending that He already paid the price for, with the hope that you would take Him up on his offer. Your ticket has already been bought and it was a price none of us could have ever paid on our own.
This Easter I just keep thinking of the concept that they didn't know Sunday was coming and how thankful I am to know the ending to the story. Whatever your "Sunday" may be...it is coming.
Our "Sunday"...the arrival of our miracle babies...is almost here. 12 days ago we were sitting in a hospital room talking about the NICU, medications, birth plans and contractions. We were not sure we would make it to 34 weeks but the Lord has blessed us with a little more time for our little ones to grow. We had a brief visit again on Wednesday but turned out to be a UTI which can cause contractions. We were happily sent home with antibiotics a few hours later. I am still on modified bed rest with a few short outings allowed. I can officially say that we are ready and have all the baby stuff we need. The more we look at empty baby swings, bassinets and cribs, the more we are anxious for their arrival. Ben and I are enjoying our time together as we know it will be very different very soon. For over 8 years, it has just been us and our fur baby Drew but we are ready for the next adventure. Our next goal is 36 weeks! At that point they will take me off of any medications to decrease contractions and let it happen. At 36 weeks, our babies can stay in the room with us an shouldn't need any time in a specialty care nursery or NICU. Our doctor is on vacation this week, so we at least hope to make it to 35 weeks so she can do our delivery.
Our last ultrasound was successful and both babies scored 8/8 based on the things they should be doing. We could see them practice their breathing and movements. On Monday, they weighed about 4lbs 13oz each and will continue to gain almost an ounce a day. Next ultrasound and appointment is on Wednesday and I can't wait to see them. It is pretty crowded at this point but I still love seeing them on the screen.
Continued prayers that we make it to the golden 36 week mark! A hope that I can get a little more sleep. My body is hitting a breaking point and I can sleep for about an hour at a time until the position is no longer comfortable. I would rather wake to crying babies and round ligament and hip pain! More prayers that my insurance company gets their act together, my claims are still a total mess and it causes me stress. Finally, pray that I will know if something is off. I have usually
trusted my "gut" but the hormones of 3 people will mess that up. I track their movements everyday but Baby B is much harder to track because his placenta is on the outside so everything is softer. Plus, their positioning makes it difficult to tell who is the one moving sometimes.I know the Lord is in control and we are so close!
.JPG)
I haven't been able to shake this idea that when Jesus was cruicified, they didn't know Sunday (His resurrection) was coming. I have been thinking about this ever since I read a post from this blog www.trialsbringjoy.wordpress.com and I wanted to give her credit because the words have stuck with me. The blog talks about how they didn't know Sunday was coming. They didn't know Jesus would conquer death and be resurrected. What a dark and sad day it must have been on the Friday and Saturday before. It must have felt...hopeless.
I think we have all had times in our lives that felt like "Sunday was never coming." When you are waiting to start your family and every month comes with another wave of disappointment, it can make you doubt that "Sunday" will ever arrive. When you apply for dozens of jobs without any interviews, it can make you doubt that "Sunday" will every arrive.
Without the hope of Christ, I wonder how people make it through the day. I have often said that the best way I can describe what it is like to be a Christian is that I always have hope. Without hope, what is there that makes us take one more step towards a goal that seems impossible? Without hope, why would we keep trying when we encounter failure after failure? Satan tells us their is no hope but somehow we all feel that little voice telling us that it will be ok. That is the hope that Christ gave us when he rose on the 3rd day. He showed us that this life isn't the end. Our story can have an alternate ending at any point in time. A happy ending that He already paid the price for, with the hope that you would take Him up on his offer. Your ticket has already been bought and it was a price none of us could have ever paid on our own.
This Easter I just keep thinking of the concept that they didn't know Sunday was coming and how thankful I am to know the ending to the story. Whatever your "Sunday" may be...it is coming.
Our "Sunday"...the arrival of our miracle babies...is almost here. 12 days ago we were sitting in a hospital room talking about the NICU, medications, birth plans and contractions. We were not sure we would make it to 34 weeks but the Lord has blessed us with a little more time for our little ones to grow. We had a brief visit again on Wednesday but turned out to be a UTI which can cause contractions. We were happily sent home with antibiotics a few hours later. I am still on modified bed rest with a few short outings allowed. I can officially say that we are ready and have all the baby stuff we need. The more we look at empty baby swings, bassinets and cribs, the more we are anxious for their arrival. Ben and I are enjoying our time together as we know it will be very different very soon. For over 8 years, it has just been us and our fur baby Drew but we are ready for the next adventure. Our next goal is 36 weeks! At that point they will take me off of any medications to decrease contractions and let it happen. At 36 weeks, our babies can stay in the room with us an shouldn't need any time in a specialty care nursery or NICU. Our doctor is on vacation this week, so we at least hope to make it to 35 weeks so she can do our delivery.
Our last ultrasound was successful and both babies scored 8/8 based on the things they should be doing. We could see them practice their breathing and movements. On Monday, they weighed about 4lbs 13oz each and will continue to gain almost an ounce a day. Next ultrasound and appointment is on Wednesday and I can't wait to see them. It is pretty crowded at this point but I still love seeing them on the screen.
Continued prayers that we make it to the golden 36 week mark! A hope that I can get a little more sleep. My body is hitting a breaking point and I can sleep for about an hour at a time until the position is no longer comfortable. I would rather wake to crying babies and round ligament and hip pain! More prayers that my insurance company gets their act together, my claims are still a total mess and it causes me stress. Finally, pray that I will know if something is off. I have usually
trusted my "gut" but the hormones of 3 people will mess that up. I track their movements everyday but Baby B is much harder to track because his placenta is on the outside so everything is softer. Plus, their positioning makes it difficult to tell who is the one moving sometimes.I know the Lord is in control and we are so close!
34 Weeks 0 Days
Monday, April 14, 2014
No news is good news!!
I am almost to the point where I don't even know what to blog about! I feel like we have everything and nothing happening at the same time lately. We have been home for a week and it feels SO good to be home. Mostly, I love sleeping next to Ben and being with him more. He calms me. Nothing will make you more anxious than laying awake, alone in a hospital room! It has been hard to look at piles of mail, laundry and other random things around the house knowing that I can't work on anything. Ben has been amazing with taking care of me, putting my socks on and feeding me constantly but organizing diapers and baby clothes isn't really his thing.
This weekend my mom came up to help us get ready and to come to my last baby shower hosted by Ben's family. She did everything from cooking, organizing presents, cutting my toe nails, cleaning the fridge and driving me around. I feel SO much more ready after her visit. She also got to see the babies on an ultrasound today!
When they are this big, the picture isn't the best but we still got some good pics and watched them practice heir breathing. They both measured around 4lbs 13oz! I am just so proud of them! They will still gain about an ounce each, per day. We are getting so close to 34 weeks but our doctor is on vacation from week 34 to week 35, so we really want to hold off until 35 weeks for a variety of reasons. The anticipation of wanting to meet them is getting tough to contain. I want to see their faces and kiss their cheeks and touch their toes. Ben and I talk about how our excitement to meet them is rising and then we have to calm ourselves down. We have waited this long, we can wait another week...or two.
At this point, it looks promising that we will make it another few weeks. The medicine I am taking seems to be keeping the contractions at bay. I am mostly on bed rest, with a few little field trips here and there. The babies are moving so much now even though they are getting more crowded in there. Ben and I play a game where we feel a body part and try to guess if it was a butt or a head, foot or elbow.
We did have an ultrasound today and it looks like Baby Boy decided he wants to be first in line. When you have twins they assign the title "Baby A" to whoever is presenting first which means, whoever has a body part the closest to the exit gets to be Baby A. Well, last week Baby A only had a foot in front of her brothers head. In the last week she must of moved her foot and Baby B's head just slipped down a little more. I just wonder if how they act in there will translate to their personalities when they get older?
Now, it is all about milestones and looking forward to events coming up. It was such a big deal to make it to the baby shower yesterday and it was so fun! I got to have a shower with my sister-in-law Stacie and our babies are due weeks apart. Next milestone is Easter, but I will be laying SUPER low because it is the beginning of our OB being vacation. We will be extra careful that week. I think we may need to get a new DVD or TV Series that week to keep me distracted! I am still working from home and keeping my mind busy. I will try to blog more and post more pics. Today when Ben saw me he swore I was bigger today than yesterday! LOL
At this point,we tell our families "No news is good news" so let's pray for no news till MAY!
.JPG)
This weekend my mom came up to help us get ready and to come to my last baby shower hosted by Ben's family. She did everything from cooking, organizing presents, cutting my toe nails, cleaning the fridge and driving me around. I feel SO much more ready after her visit. She also got to see the babies on an ultrasound today!
When they are this big, the picture isn't the best but we still got some good pics and watched them practice heir breathing. They both measured around 4lbs 13oz! I am just so proud of them! They will still gain about an ounce each, per day. We are getting so close to 34 weeks but our doctor is on vacation from week 34 to week 35, so we really want to hold off until 35 weeks for a variety of reasons. The anticipation of wanting to meet them is getting tough to contain. I want to see their faces and kiss their cheeks and touch their toes. Ben and I talk about how our excitement to meet them is rising and then we have to calm ourselves down. We have waited this long, we can wait another week...or two.
At this point, it looks promising that we will make it another few weeks. The medicine I am taking seems to be keeping the contractions at bay. I am mostly on bed rest, with a few little field trips here and there. The babies are moving so much now even though they are getting more crowded in there. Ben and I play a game where we feel a body part and try to guess if it was a butt or a head, foot or elbow.
We did have an ultrasound today and it looks like Baby Boy decided he wants to be first in line. When you have twins they assign the title "Baby A" to whoever is presenting first which means, whoever has a body part the closest to the exit gets to be Baby A. Well, last week Baby A only had a foot in front of her brothers head. In the last week she must of moved her foot and Baby B's head just slipped down a little more. I just wonder if how they act in there will translate to their personalities when they get older?
Now, it is all about milestones and looking forward to events coming up. It was such a big deal to make it to the baby shower yesterday and it was so fun! I got to have a shower with my sister-in-law Stacie and our babies are due weeks apart. Next milestone is Easter, but I will be laying SUPER low because it is the beginning of our OB being vacation. We will be extra careful that week. I think we may need to get a new DVD or TV Series that week to keep me distracted! I am still working from home and keeping my mind busy. I will try to blog more and post more pics. Today when Ben saw me he swore I was bigger today than yesterday! LOL
At this point,we tell our families "No news is good news" so let's pray for no news till MAY!
33 Weeks
Sunday, April 6, 2014
The man behind the bump
I have to write this post before it is too late and the babies arrive! For those of you who have met my husband, you know he is not your typical guy. There are very few men out there like him and I consider myself extremely blessed.
Ben is a man who loves being in love. He still brings me flowers just because. He will go get something in my purse for me at 11:00pm just so I don't have to get out of bed. He did all these wonderful things before I was pregnant. Ben was ready to be a daddy about 20 minutes after we got married but God had other plans. We have been through a lot together in the past almost 8 years. It was not always rainbows and roses but we are a stronger couple now than ever before. We still hold hands all the time, say "I love you" a dozen times a day and miss each other after being apart a few hours.
We are going to need to be strong as we become partners in the adventure of twin parenthood. When there are two babies, there is no "it's your turn" argument! I have full faith that Ben will be an amazing Daddy because he already takes such great care of me. Ben is one of the most loyal, compassionate and loving person I have ever met.
I can't wait to see his dreams come true when his daughter and son arrive and our family is complete. Here is my man sleeping on a super uncomfortable couch in the hospital room. Not having me home with him has been really tough since I was admitted to the hospital but he is being amazing about it all.
Ben, I love you more every day and I wouldn't want to take this crazy journey with any one else.
We are officially 32 Weeks today. Another HUGE milestone for our little ones. They grow about an ounce a day each and they are practicing the sucking motion so they can feed when they are born. We are still unsure of how each day will proceed but it is very likely that we will be here until they arrive. I need to be resting, in bed, all the time and the only way to ensure that is if I stay here. Being still like this is very hard for someone like me who is always on the GO! But for my babies, I can make it work. I am still able to work from the hospital which is another huge blessing and I am starting to have Ben bring me some comforts from home. I mostly miss my DVR, eating my own snacks and wearing real clothes! My mental state is just as important as my physical, so I need to look at each day as part of a marathon. For each day they stay in, it is 2 less days in the NICU. The great news is that the babies look amazing. They are about 4 1/2 pounds each and are measuring/acting a little older than they are. I am already such a proud Mama!
I had a wonderful baby shower here at the hospital yesterday! Here are pictures of the banners my friend Jess made and the centerpiece that my sister-in-law Magen made! It was so nice to see people who have been involved in different stages of my life, all come together. My Mom and Dad were also up this weekend to visit and everything is always better when Mom is there. I have more visitors coming and it helps break up the time! I am considering creating a pen pal (remember those?) program for all the "pre-termers" in the maternity ward here.
We love the prayers and support from all of you! I hope to blog a bit more and keep everyone updated but our big prayer is that we make it till 34 Weeks....13 more days
Ben is a man who loves being in love. He still brings me flowers just because. He will go get something in my purse for me at 11:00pm just so I don't have to get out of bed. He did all these wonderful things before I was pregnant. Ben was ready to be a daddy about 20 minutes after we got married but God had other plans. We have been through a lot together in the past almost 8 years. It was not always rainbows and roses but we are a stronger couple now than ever before. We still hold hands all the time, say "I love you" a dozen times a day and miss each other after being apart a few hours.
We are going to need to be strong as we become partners in the adventure of twin parenthood. When there are two babies, there is no "it's your turn" argument! I have full faith that Ben will be an amazing Daddy because he already takes such great care of me. Ben is one of the most loyal, compassionate and loving person I have ever met.
I can't wait to see his dreams come true when his daughter and son arrive and our family is complete. Here is my man sleeping on a super uncomfortable couch in the hospital room. Not having me home with him has been really tough since I was admitted to the hospital but he is being amazing about it all.
Ben, I love you more every day and I wouldn't want to take this crazy journey with any one else.
We are officially 32 Weeks today. Another HUGE milestone for our little ones. They grow about an ounce a day each and they are practicing the sucking motion so they can feed when they are born. We are still unsure of how each day will proceed but it is very likely that we will be here until they arrive. I need to be resting, in bed, all the time and the only way to ensure that is if I stay here. Being still like this is very hard for someone like me who is always on the GO! But for my babies, I can make it work. I am still able to work from the hospital which is another huge blessing and I am starting to have Ben bring me some comforts from home. I mostly miss my DVR, eating my own snacks and wearing real clothes! My mental state is just as important as my physical, so I need to look at each day as part of a marathon. For each day they stay in, it is 2 less days in the NICU. The great news is that the babies look amazing. They are about 4 1/2 pounds each and are measuring/acting a little older than they are. I am already such a proud Mama!
I had a wonderful baby shower here at the hospital yesterday! Here are pictures of the banners my friend Jess made and the centerpiece that my sister-in-law Magen made! It was so nice to see people who have been involved in different stages of my life, all come together. My Mom and Dad were also up this weekend to visit and everything is always better when Mom is there. I have more visitors coming and it helps break up the time! I am considering creating a pen pal (remember those?) program for all the "pre-termers" in the maternity ward here.
We love the prayers and support from all of you! I hope to blog a bit more and keep everyone updated but our big prayer is that we make it till 34 Weeks....13 more days
Sunday, March 30, 2014
It's all about the weight...I mean wait
We are 31 weeks 0 days today! Every week is another big milestone. The average twins are born at 35 weeks so we are looking as meeting our little ones very soon. It could be any day but we are just crossing our fingers we make it till May. I am getting more and more excited to finally have our family complete but their health is more important. I will take a huge sigh of relief once we hit 35 weeks. The latest our doctor will let me go is 38 weeks...mid-May.
When I think of another 4-7 weeks of my belly growing...I have no idea how my body will look and handle it all. Luckily, I have been told I have a "body to carry twins" which I will take as a compliment. The only time in my life that my body was made to do something that has turned into a blessing. I feel pretty big and the only really painful part has been the"round ligament pain." These are the muscles that hold your stomach/abdomen up. Mine feel like they are going to rip every time I get up, roll over, and get in or out of a car. This is minor compared to being put on bed rest or other issues.
I have to wonder if I am handling the weight of twins better because I have been this size before? I am getting closer and closer to my highest weight...266. I have gained about 37 pounds for this pregnancy which is right on track. I was told to prepare to gain 45-50 pounds total for twins. At this point, any weight I gain feels like direct weight the babies are gaining. My body looks and feels SO different from the 266 pounds I once was. My face, arms, and legs look about the same! I am already trying to prepare myself for the journey back to a healthy weight after the babies are here. I have to be healthy to keep up with two little ones, a very active husband and our dog, Drew. It is somewhat comforting that I have lost the weight once before...I can do it again.
We have officially entered the phase where strangers assume that I have a baby due any day. The looks on their faces when I tell them it's twins and we still have 6 weeks to go varies from excitement to concern. I find myself struggling with this final "wait." We have been waiting to have kids for what feels like forever. Some days I feel like I have been waiting to be a mom since I held my first doll. I have never been so excited, terrified, overwhelmed, absolutely in love, unprepared but ready...in my whole life. We are waiting for our lives to change...drastically. We don't know when it will happen or how it will happen but our family is about to be complete.
.JPG)
When I think of another 4-7 weeks of my belly growing...I have no idea how my body will look and handle it all. Luckily, I have been told I have a "body to carry twins" which I will take as a compliment. The only time in my life that my body was made to do something that has turned into a blessing. I feel pretty big and the only really painful part has been the"round ligament pain." These are the muscles that hold your stomach/abdomen up. Mine feel like they are going to rip every time I get up, roll over, and get in or out of a car. This is minor compared to being put on bed rest or other issues.
I have to wonder if I am handling the weight of twins better because I have been this size before? I am getting closer and closer to my highest weight...266. I have gained about 37 pounds for this pregnancy which is right on track. I was told to prepare to gain 45-50 pounds total for twins. At this point, any weight I gain feels like direct weight the babies are gaining. My body looks and feels SO different from the 266 pounds I once was. My face, arms, and legs look about the same! I am already trying to prepare myself for the journey back to a healthy weight after the babies are here. I have to be healthy to keep up with two little ones, a very active husband and our dog, Drew. It is somewhat comforting that I have lost the weight once before...I can do it again.
We have officially entered the phase where strangers assume that I have a baby due any day. The looks on their faces when I tell them it's twins and we still have 6 weeks to go varies from excitement to concern. I find myself struggling with this final "wait." We have been waiting to have kids for what feels like forever. Some days I feel like I have been waiting to be a mom since I held my first doll. I have never been so excited, terrified, overwhelmed, absolutely in love, unprepared but ready...in my whole life. We are waiting for our lives to change...drastically. We don't know when it will happen or how it will happen but our family is about to be complete.
Below are some samples of our maternity pictures taken by my dear friend Jess.
31 weeks 0 Days
Go TWINS!
Big brother Drew!!
My parents gave us this for Christmas this year. Our only ultrasound picture with both babies!
The frame says "Love at first sight."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)