I had spent so much time thinking about when I would go into labor
and the actual labor itself, that I didn't think a lot about the days
following the twins' birth. I figured the nurses would guide me on what
to do and my motherly instinct would kick in. It was a rough couple of
days but important to share so that others can get a glimpse into my
first few days as a Mom.
My recovery went very well
considering what some women go through. I needed help to do just about
everything but was able to get around and be involved in taking care of
the babies. The most awkward was when they had me get into a bath tub
that night and I almost couldn't get myself out. I am a tall person
anyway and between my super swollen legs, being incredibly weak and not
have to get up off the floor in 5 months, it wasn't pretty. Comical now
but at the time, I was about ready to just spend the night in there.
The
first night after they were both is a total blur and I couldn't tell
you what even happened that night. Tuesday was filled with visitors,
attempts to nurse (notice I said "attempts") and lots of baby cuddles.
By Tuesday night Ben and I were fried. It was midnight and the babies
had just fallen asleep, so we turned off the lights to finally get some
rest. Then a few nurses came into our room, woke up the babies, weighted
them, talked to them and talked to us. I know they were just doing
their jobs but this was the beginning of a very difficult 24 hours. By
the time the babies calmed down and we had relaxed, it was time for
another feeding. I basically slept 2-3 hours spread out over that whole
night. I had the typical anxiety about the babies staying alive all
night. Every little sound they made woke me up and I would study their
lips for coloring and try to see their little chests move up and down.
Finally, I just had to repeat this prayer over and over and over again
to get any sleep. Lord, please keep my babies safe while I sleep. I
still pray this every night because I still think I am dreaming. I don't
know how people are parents without God in their lives, it must be very
over whleming.
The next morning we met with the
Lactation Consultant. Turns out that my 45 minute "nursing sessions"
were actually not giving my babies anything. I was basically exhausting
them and then when I would give them al bottle, they would only drink a
little. In my mind, that meant that they were getting enough from me but
they were actually so tired that they couldn't even drink from the
bottle. Bless the consultants heart because she had to be really honest
with me about what I was doing wrong, realistic expectations and what
breastfeeding twins really would take. She is a mom of twins, born at 31
weeks, so I trusted what she had to say but it doesn't mean it was easy
to hear. Between this and the sleep deprivation, I was a total mess. I
wanted to go home SO bad on Wednesday and they said I wasn't in a state
of mind to understand my discharge papers, so the main focus was getting
me some sleep. The consultant wanted me to take a 5 hour nap before
going home which I thought was a little ridiculous. They settled for a 1
hour nap (that felt like 5 hours) and a serious change in my outlook on
feeding. They brought in a breast pump and I actually got something to
feed my babies. It made a huge difference because I had felt like I
didn't do that very well in the past 24 hours. I pulled myself together
and they let us go home. My list of what I needed to do to get my milk
to come in was pretty daunting, including pumping every 2 hours,
attempting nursing with each baby, feeding them what I pump and
supplementing formula for a feeding every 1-3 hours. I am not someone
who is against formula because I know it will take time for my body to
produce enough for two babies but it was tough for me to see uh...my
"equipment" not working like I thought it would. Trying to be subtle
here :) My milk did finally come in on day 5 which they expected with
all the swelling I had. We celebrated that day, big time! The work is
not over here but that is for another post.
I do
have to tell you about our first 20 minutes home with the babies, mostly
because I think it is hilarious. My mom wanted to give us some privacy
as we brought the babies home. Ben and I cried the whole way home, it
felt real now. My Aunt Sarah read me this beautiful poem about leaving
the hospital. It talked about how you just take these little, fragile
babies and you walk right out the door with them. No one checking to
make sure you are ready or if you have a parenting license. It was the
moment when we knew they were ours to keep. We were excited to introduce
them to our Fur Baby Drewby. We walked into the house and Drew
literally sniffed both car seats and that was it. He could care less
which is a good thing I guess. We have come home smelling like that
hospital a dozen times so maybe he was familiar with it.
I
was a nervous mom to get them out of the car seats because they didn't
look comfortable at all. Within a few minutes, both babies were crying. I
grabbed one to try to nurse but I had to go to the bathroom so bad. I
couldn't find my squirt bottle since it was packed in one of the bags.
For those of you who don't know, your squirt bottle is your best friend
after a vaginal birth and you NEED it to use the bathroom. I settled for
a water bottle and left Ben with two crying babies in the living room.
After taking care of business, I grabbed what I assumed was the most
hungry baby to try and nurse. I couldn't get the "goods" out of the
dress I wore home from the hospital and I was getting really flustered.
Finally, Ben just told me to take off my dress, so I threw most of my
clothes on the floor. I am attempting to nurse one baby while Ben is
trying to change the diaper of the other. He is at the changing table in
the living room as I walk him through where the wipes and diapers are.
Keep in mind that we stocked this thing 7 weeks ago, so my memory is
foggy and I am on 2 hours of sleep. I am telling Ben to just "pull out a
wipe from that container" over and over again, only to find out that
the pack of wipes was unopened inside of it. Poor guy...but we survived.
It was a memorable first moments home. After we took a few breathes and
started laughing at the chaos, I sent my mom this text, "We are home.
The first 20 minutes were chaos. You can come back any time." :)
If
felt so good to be home and put babies in swings, bassinets and a
cradle that had been empty for far too long. Overall, they have been
little angels. Now that we have our feeding under control (still
nursing, pumping and supplementing) the babies sleep 3 hours between
feedings and only cry when they need food or a diaper change. We are
very blessed.
I will write more as I can...
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Words for wordless moments
I have been trying to write this post for the last 5 days but as you can imagine we are busy with our beautiful babies, Carter and Elianna. It is hard to know where to event start but I will share with you our birth story. Warning: I didn't have time to really proof read all of this but I knew you have been waiting to hear about the story!
We were scheduled to be induced on Monday, May 19th at 38 weeks and 1 day. This is the earliest they will induce someone with twins and we were anxiously awaiting the date on the calendar. It is still amazing to me how we spent 5 weeks doing everything we could to stop labor and then the last 2 weeks trying anything to restart it! I know that my time spent on bed rest helped keep our babies inside longer. The memories of pain, discomfort, and irritability are now a distant memory.
Monday morning we were set to come into the hospital at 6:00am but when we called ahead we were bumped to 7:30am but could still go to St. John's. This was one of our fears, that St. John's would be too full to take us but they had a spot for me and I could wait another 1.5 hours. Ben and I went out to breakfast at Perkins to enjoy our last meal as a family for two. We talked about our journey to get to this point and how excited we were to finally meet our children.
Arrived at the hospital at 7:25am (we were a little eager) and when we arrived it was like everything nurse knew us and our twins. They were all so excited that we had made it to 38 weeks. We were in room 15 at St. John's and it should have felt more real at that point but remember, we had been in several rooms there, for several reasons and it never resulted in babies in our arms. They started me on Pitocin and the contractions started coming a little stronger but it took hours to get anywhere exciting. We were joined at the hospital with my Mom and sister-in-law Magen with the rest of the family on standby. Somewhere around 2:00, the pain was taking a turn and I requested the epidural, knowing that this could take an hour to actually happen. At this point, I laughed at all the times I "thought I was in labor" because I was way off. The epidural process was pretty tough. I had back labor so badly at that point that the doctor was having a hard time testing the epidural. He really had to do his job in between my contractions, which were only 2-3 minutes. Once the epidural was in, things calmed down a lot. They had me lay on my side with the Peanut Ball...literally a giant ball the size of a peanut they put between your legs. This was to help Baby Boy get into a better position with the right part of this head coming out first.
At this point, Mom heads out into the hall to call Dad to let him know, "It will still be a while and we would keep him posted" but that changed quickly. They were having trouble tracking Baby Boy with external monitors so they were going to put something on the tip of his head. When the nurse went to do that, she looked surprised but told me I was "complete." GO TIME!!! The next 45 minutes went by super fast as we called my doctor, they prepped the Operating Room and I did some pushing. All twins are born in the operating room, incase they would need to come out quickly by c-section. My Mom, Ben and Magen got dressed in their gear and off we went to meet our babies.
I started pushing and it took about 2 hours for Baby Boy to arrive. Some things about labor were what I expected but others were a surprise. For example, an epidural can only take away pain but I was still feeling pressure. INTENSE pressure that can't be taken away unless you are completely numb which has issues of its own. This birth was a marathon to me...keep in mind that I had to delivery 2 babies so when the head of baby 1 is "almost out"...I am still only 40% done. I had to think long term about my Baby Girl still waiting to arrive. My team of nurses, my doctor and family support was incredible. They said that I was amazing but to be honest, I feel like I just did what I had to do. I had peace, strength, endurance and focus that only God can provide. We cracked jokes during labor, which is something I would totally do.
When Carter entered the world, the room stood still. Out came this beautiful, pink skinned, baby boy with dark curly hard just like his daddy. I was in awe but as a Momma of two...my first thought was one down and one to go. I would be able to fully relax and enjoy the experience until I knew both of my babies were safe. They put Carter right on my chest and with his little eyes, he looked right into my eyes and shifted his stare between myself and Ben. He was so alert and aware of the two of us. He came out looking completely clean, unlike what I was expected. He looked so incredibly healthy and I was in love.
Time for round two...at this point everything looked good and my doctor assured me that at that point, there were no signs that we were need to do a c-section for Baby Girl. I did ask her for more pain meds which I am sure most women delivering twins would do. I begged, offered suggestions that I have no training to do but I was pretty desperate to get more relief before I pushed for another unknown amount of time. She did her best to calm me down and compromise. We were just waiting to give Baby girl a little time to get into position. That time in between was full of Ben holding his Baby Boy, the both of us just staring at his face and I was trying to get my strength together for another birth. It didn't take long for me to feel like it was time to push and while everyone was busy around me, Baby Girl was VERY ready to come out and fast. Now, was the final stage for me and this is where I was ready to use everything I had left to get her out quickly. My fear was that she would get stuck and c-section for me. It was almost too quick because I was pushing really hard (I had this down pretty good by now) and so my oxygen levels would drop and so would Baby Girl's. I worked just as hard to push as I worked to calm myself down in-between pushes. It was a very odd emotional time because my son was in the world, being held 5 feet from me but I had to focus on his sister. I would look over at him with every push as motivation. After only 20 minutes of serious pushing, Elianna entered the world. They laid her on my chest, she didn't make a sound but looked me in the eyes. I feel like babies can see into your sole and that was our moment. Since she wasn't crying, they took her to get looked at but she just had some flem in her throat. Her water broke right before she came out and she may have swallowed some.
Finally, my two babies were in the world but as most of you know, that isn't the end. It was "repair" time and I was convinced whatever epidural I had, was gone. I won't go into details here and this is not intended to scare anyone but it was bad. This is the pain that I will remember for the rest of my life. At the very end, I had to ask someone to take the babies from me because I was in so much pain. I even asked for them to be taken out of the room so they would here their mom in this much pain. It didn't last long as all but it is part of my story. My recovery has been AMAZING and I am so glad I went with a vaginal birth. God knew this was the best route for me and I am so glad I made the choice.
The moment we left the OR, they put both babies in my arms and Ben was at my side. THIS was the moment I was waiting for. I felt so whole, complete, peaceful and a hundred other things. This was the moment that Satan had tried, repeatedly, to convince me...would never come. All the things about the birth of my children that I wanted and even things I didn't know I wanted, had happened. Just another example of my Jesus and how he will give me things I never even know I wanted.
"To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could hope or imagine" The scripture of this pregnancy.
We are home and doing very well. I want to share more with you about Elianna and Carter but I here them both getting ready to wake up. I also have BEAUTIFUL pictures to share that were taken by my sister Magen, so I will try to get those up soon.
I can't take credit for how amazing these children are. So many of you have been praying for them and look at what prayer can do? Obviously, I am bias but I think these are the most beautiful, perfect babies I have ever seen.
We would love your continued prayers and any other blessings you would send our way. Helping us out with meals right now is the absolute best way to bless us. Ben goes back to work on Tuesday and I am starting my role and super mom. Please contact us if you would like to bring a meal or have one delivered. You can also sign up to bring us a meal at this link: https://www.foodtidings.com/Schedule/View/56b9e32d-4d9e-4e2a-a0bf-3cba7ff3b744
Here are just a few pics from the photo shoot we had this week with the photographer from "Pictures to Pretties"
We were scheduled to be induced on Monday, May 19th at 38 weeks and 1 day. This is the earliest they will induce someone with twins and we were anxiously awaiting the date on the calendar. It is still amazing to me how we spent 5 weeks doing everything we could to stop labor and then the last 2 weeks trying anything to restart it! I know that my time spent on bed rest helped keep our babies inside longer. The memories of pain, discomfort, and irritability are now a distant memory.
Monday morning we were set to come into the hospital at 6:00am but when we called ahead we were bumped to 7:30am but could still go to St. John's. This was one of our fears, that St. John's would be too full to take us but they had a spot for me and I could wait another 1.5 hours. Ben and I went out to breakfast at Perkins to enjoy our last meal as a family for two. We talked about our journey to get to this point and how excited we were to finally meet our children.
Arrived at the hospital at 7:25am (we were a little eager) and when we arrived it was like everything nurse knew us and our twins. They were all so excited that we had made it to 38 weeks. We were in room 15 at St. John's and it should have felt more real at that point but remember, we had been in several rooms there, for several reasons and it never resulted in babies in our arms. They started me on Pitocin and the contractions started coming a little stronger but it took hours to get anywhere exciting. We were joined at the hospital with my Mom and sister-in-law Magen with the rest of the family on standby. Somewhere around 2:00, the pain was taking a turn and I requested the epidural, knowing that this could take an hour to actually happen. At this point, I laughed at all the times I "thought I was in labor" because I was way off. The epidural process was pretty tough. I had back labor so badly at that point that the doctor was having a hard time testing the epidural. He really had to do his job in between my contractions, which were only 2-3 minutes. Once the epidural was in, things calmed down a lot. They had me lay on my side with the Peanut Ball...literally a giant ball the size of a peanut they put between your legs. This was to help Baby Boy get into a better position with the right part of this head coming out first.
At this point, Mom heads out into the hall to call Dad to let him know, "It will still be a while and we would keep him posted" but that changed quickly. They were having trouble tracking Baby Boy with external monitors so they were going to put something on the tip of his head. When the nurse went to do that, she looked surprised but told me I was "complete." GO TIME!!! The next 45 minutes went by super fast as we called my doctor, they prepped the Operating Room and I did some pushing. All twins are born in the operating room, incase they would need to come out quickly by c-section. My Mom, Ben and Magen got dressed in their gear and off we went to meet our babies.
I started pushing and it took about 2 hours for Baby Boy to arrive. Some things about labor were what I expected but others were a surprise. For example, an epidural can only take away pain but I was still feeling pressure. INTENSE pressure that can't be taken away unless you are completely numb which has issues of its own. This birth was a marathon to me...keep in mind that I had to delivery 2 babies so when the head of baby 1 is "almost out"...I am still only 40% done. I had to think long term about my Baby Girl still waiting to arrive. My team of nurses, my doctor and family support was incredible. They said that I was amazing but to be honest, I feel like I just did what I had to do. I had peace, strength, endurance and focus that only God can provide. We cracked jokes during labor, which is something I would totally do.
When Carter entered the world, the room stood still. Out came this beautiful, pink skinned, baby boy with dark curly hard just like his daddy. I was in awe but as a Momma of two...my first thought was one down and one to go. I would be able to fully relax and enjoy the experience until I knew both of my babies were safe. They put Carter right on my chest and with his little eyes, he looked right into my eyes and shifted his stare between myself and Ben. He was so alert and aware of the two of us. He came out looking completely clean, unlike what I was expected. He looked so incredibly healthy and I was in love.
Time for round two...at this point everything looked good and my doctor assured me that at that point, there were no signs that we were need to do a c-section for Baby Girl. I did ask her for more pain meds which I am sure most women delivering twins would do. I begged, offered suggestions that I have no training to do but I was pretty desperate to get more relief before I pushed for another unknown amount of time. She did her best to calm me down and compromise. We were just waiting to give Baby girl a little time to get into position. That time in between was full of Ben holding his Baby Boy, the both of us just staring at his face and I was trying to get my strength together for another birth. It didn't take long for me to feel like it was time to push and while everyone was busy around me, Baby Girl was VERY ready to come out and fast. Now, was the final stage for me and this is where I was ready to use everything I had left to get her out quickly. My fear was that she would get stuck and c-section for me. It was almost too quick because I was pushing really hard (I had this down pretty good by now) and so my oxygen levels would drop and so would Baby Girl's. I worked just as hard to push as I worked to calm myself down in-between pushes. It was a very odd emotional time because my son was in the world, being held 5 feet from me but I had to focus on his sister. I would look over at him with every push as motivation. After only 20 minutes of serious pushing, Elianna entered the world. They laid her on my chest, she didn't make a sound but looked me in the eyes. I feel like babies can see into your sole and that was our moment. Since she wasn't crying, they took her to get looked at but she just had some flem in her throat. Her water broke right before she came out and she may have swallowed some.
Finally, my two babies were in the world but as most of you know, that isn't the end. It was "repair" time and I was convinced whatever epidural I had, was gone. I won't go into details here and this is not intended to scare anyone but it was bad. This is the pain that I will remember for the rest of my life. At the very end, I had to ask someone to take the babies from me because I was in so much pain. I even asked for them to be taken out of the room so they would here their mom in this much pain. It didn't last long as all but it is part of my story. My recovery has been AMAZING and I am so glad I went with a vaginal birth. God knew this was the best route for me and I am so glad I made the choice.
The moment we left the OR, they put both babies in my arms and Ben was at my side. THIS was the moment I was waiting for. I felt so whole, complete, peaceful and a hundred other things. This was the moment that Satan had tried, repeatedly, to convince me...would never come. All the things about the birth of my children that I wanted and even things I didn't know I wanted, had happened. Just another example of my Jesus and how he will give me things I never even know I wanted.
"To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could hope or imagine" The scripture of this pregnancy.
We are home and doing very well. I want to share more with you about Elianna and Carter but I here them both getting ready to wake up. I also have BEAUTIFUL pictures to share that were taken by my sister Magen, so I will try to get those up soon.
I can't take credit for how amazing these children are. So many of you have been praying for them and look at what prayer can do? Obviously, I am bias but I think these are the most beautiful, perfect babies I have ever seen.
We would love your continued prayers and any other blessings you would send our way. Helping us out with meals right now is the absolute best way to bless us. Ben goes back to work on Tuesday and I am starting my role and super mom. Please contact us if you would like to bring a meal or have one delivered. You can also sign up to bring us a meal at this link: https://www.foodtidings.com/Schedule/View/56b9e32d-4d9e-4e2a-a0bf-3cba7ff3b744
Here are just a few pics from the photo shoot we had this week with the photographer from "Pictures to Pretties"
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
I just wanted you to know...
As we get closer and closer to the beginning or end of this journey, depending on what journey we are talking about, I wanted to write down some thoughts. I love the idea of writing your children a letter before they are born. Here is mine:
Sweet Babies,
You are almost here and you have kept us in suspense for a long time. Your Dad and I cannot wait to finally hold you in our arms. There are a few things I wanted to make sure you knew about. First of all, so many people have been praying for you since before you were conceived. You are a product of the Lord's faithfulness and even though that is hard to comprehend as a child, I hope to remind you of this in the future. You are so loved and wanted by our family and friends.
To my sweet little girl,
We had a feeling you were a girl from our very first ultrasound in October 2013. When we showed your Papa (Dodge) the ultrasound picture, he commented that you had the bigger "apartment" and were probably a girl. We were worried about you early in the pregnancy but you were a little fighter. One of the ultrasound pictures shows you with your arms up, flexing your muscles and showing me that you were strong enough. When it was confirmed that you were a girl, I think your Daddy was the most excited. Your Daddy is the sweetest man alive and he loves me the way I hope someone will someday love you. I always felt your kicks more than your brother. You have also been the most unpredictable and I can't wait to get to know you more. I am so blessed to have a daughter. I know how special my relationship is with my mom and I am already so in love with you and so is everyone else.
To my sweet little boy,
We had a feeling you were a boy from the beginning and our dream has come true to have both a boy and girl in our family. You have been a little mystery to us for most of the pregnancy. You hid your little face most of the time and your movements are more subtle. Your Daddy and I are so excited to meet you. It seems that you are your sister are getting along so far but I pray that you will be her protector. Your Daddy and Grandpas cannot wait to explore this world with you have lots of adventures. You are the first grandson on the Dodge side of the family and will soon be joined by your boy cousin on the Ulland side. I am thankful that you will have another little boy to grow up with! You have so many strong men to look up to in our family. I want you to know that we are all already in love with you.
Let me tell you about your Daddy...
He is so special. He is unlike any other man I have ever met and he has wanted to be a Daddy for a long time. We have taken classes, read books and watched DVDs about how to be the best parents possible but the easiest part is how much he loves you. He is saving his first diaper change for one of you, so be patient as he learns a few things. :o) Your Daddy is ready to give up so much because he would rather be at home, holding you and watching Twins games on TV. He can't wait to teach you about life, sports, God, family and everything else because he loves to share his knowledge. His compassion for others is amazing and you will see this over time. He also knows the best way to love your Mom. He took care of me for weeks before you arrived and he did it with joy and a smile on his face.
Let me tell you about your grandparents...
Oh babies, are you in store for some love. You have the best grandparents in the world just waiting to meet you. They have waited a long long time for this day to come and they couldn't be more excited. They have already started to spoil you with gifts but I hope you know them more for how much they love you and spend time with you. You are also lucky enough to have 5 great-grandparents that are equally excited to meet you! You will spend many hours with your grandparents since they are the greatest help we have and our hands will be full with the both of you! Value every minute with them because it is a gift.
Let me tell you about Jesus...
I am sure you already know him because he hand picked you to be our children. You are a miracle and I will always look at you that way. Your arrival has given so many people hope and faith in the Lord's promises. I pray that I can teach you all about Jesus and I pray that you experience the love, forgiveness and amazement that faith can bring to your life.
It looks like we will be meeting very soon. I can't even comprehend what that moment will be like when we look into each other's eyes but I know it will change my heart forever. That place in my heart that has been empty for so long, will be overflowing with unimaginable joy. I.Can't.Wait.
Sweet Babies,
You are almost here and you have kept us in suspense for a long time. Your Dad and I cannot wait to finally hold you in our arms. There are a few things I wanted to make sure you knew about. First of all, so many people have been praying for you since before you were conceived. You are a product of the Lord's faithfulness and even though that is hard to comprehend as a child, I hope to remind you of this in the future. You are so loved and wanted by our family and friends.
To my sweet little girl,
We had a feeling you were a girl from our very first ultrasound in October 2013. When we showed your Papa (Dodge) the ultrasound picture, he commented that you had the bigger "apartment" and were probably a girl. We were worried about you early in the pregnancy but you were a little fighter. One of the ultrasound pictures shows you with your arms up, flexing your muscles and showing me that you were strong enough. When it was confirmed that you were a girl, I think your Daddy was the most excited. Your Daddy is the sweetest man alive and he loves me the way I hope someone will someday love you. I always felt your kicks more than your brother. You have also been the most unpredictable and I can't wait to get to know you more. I am so blessed to have a daughter. I know how special my relationship is with my mom and I am already so in love with you and so is everyone else.
To my sweet little boy,
We had a feeling you were a boy from the beginning and our dream has come true to have both a boy and girl in our family. You have been a little mystery to us for most of the pregnancy. You hid your little face most of the time and your movements are more subtle. Your Daddy and I are so excited to meet you. It seems that you are your sister are getting along so far but I pray that you will be her protector. Your Daddy and Grandpas cannot wait to explore this world with you have lots of adventures. You are the first grandson on the Dodge side of the family and will soon be joined by your boy cousin on the Ulland side. I am thankful that you will have another little boy to grow up with! You have so many strong men to look up to in our family. I want you to know that we are all already in love with you.
Let me tell you about your Daddy...
He is so special. He is unlike any other man I have ever met and he has wanted to be a Daddy for a long time. We have taken classes, read books and watched DVDs about how to be the best parents possible but the easiest part is how much he loves you. He is saving his first diaper change for one of you, so be patient as he learns a few things. :o) Your Daddy is ready to give up so much because he would rather be at home, holding you and watching Twins games on TV. He can't wait to teach you about life, sports, God, family and everything else because he loves to share his knowledge. His compassion for others is amazing and you will see this over time. He also knows the best way to love your Mom. He took care of me for weeks before you arrived and he did it with joy and a smile on his face.
Let me tell you about your grandparents...
Oh babies, are you in store for some love. You have the best grandparents in the world just waiting to meet you. They have waited a long long time for this day to come and they couldn't be more excited. They have already started to spoil you with gifts but I hope you know them more for how much they love you and spend time with you. You are also lucky enough to have 5 great-grandparents that are equally excited to meet you! You will spend many hours with your grandparents since they are the greatest help we have and our hands will be full with the both of you! Value every minute with them because it is a gift.
Let me tell you about Jesus...
I am sure you already know him because he hand picked you to be our children. You are a miracle and I will always look at you that way. Your arrival has given so many people hope and faith in the Lord's promises. I pray that I can teach you all about Jesus and I pray that you experience the love, forgiveness and amazement that faith can bring to your life.
It looks like we will be meeting very soon. I can't even comprehend what that moment will be like when we look into each other's eyes but I know it will change my heart forever. That place in my heart that has been empty for so long, will be overflowing with unimaginable joy. I.Can't.Wait.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Do they know?
Yes, I am still pregnant. Yes, I am beyond ready and yes, we are very lucky to have made it to 37 weeks. Our twins are now considered "full term" and we can't believe how hard it is to wait to meet them.
We had hoped that they would be here by Mother's Day but they must need a little more time. I never thought I would still be pregnant on Mother's Day and I wasn't sure how I would feel on this day. To be honest, I am starting to doubt they will ever get here and I will be pregnant forever. My physical discomfort and pain has made it hard to see very far past myself lately which is not how I usually am. I have actively tried to be thankful for every single part of this experience, knowing how blessed I am but my body has limitations too. Every day I depend on God to keep me positive and focused on the miracle that is happening. The miracle that will be here in 8 days at the most!
Mother's Day has brought mixed emotions for me today. I don't feel like a mother yet which I know many would argue. I think part of it is the disbelief that this is all really happening and this familiar feeling of waiting. I feel movement in my stomach and I see fuzzy pictures but it won't be real to me till I look into their eyes and feel them in my arms. I find myself thinking more about the people on my "Waiting for a Miracle" prayer list, which sadly keeps growing.
In the past, this holiday was difficult. Not because I was bitter or angry but because it was a whole day that just reminded me of the missing part of my life. I just keep thinking to myself, "Do those parents know how blessed they are?" Whether it took you one time or 10 years to get pregnant, it was a gift that is not offered to all. There are couples that spend tens of thousands of dollars on attempts and the hope to be a mother, only to find out it failed repeatedly. There are mothers who have babies in heaven and their hearts are never whole again. There are couples who pray and trust in God for a miracle but each month brings disappointment. Every parent I see, I ask myself, "Do they know how blessed they are?" Most of the time, I think they don't know and can't even comprehend the struggle that others go through. I pray that I am a parent that can try to remember how blessed I am, even on the really hard days.
What about the other blessings we take for granted? You may have a horrible job that doesn't pay well and stresses you out but do you know how blessed you are to have a job? You may have a poor relationship with your parent that is full of nothing but conflict but do you know how blessed you are to have your parent here on earth? Do you see where I am going with this?
I have always loved this saying:
A holiday like today just makes me pray for those who long to be mothers but aren't yet or never will be, mothers with angel babies, those who have a mother in heaven and anyone who longs for a better relationship with their mother. Maybe this is a sign of maturing but I find myself praying more for those without than celebrating what I already have. Don't get me wrong, my mother is incredible. She is the most compassionate, genuine, loving and strong woman of God I have ever met. She is my best friend and I know how blessed I am but it makes me want the same thing for others. I want others to get their miracles too.
Be thankful for what you have and pray for others who may not have the same blessings. As I am going through these last difficult weeks of twin pregnancy, I will try to keep my thoughts on the joy that is coming and continue to pray for those still waiting for their own miracles.
We had hoped that they would be here by Mother's Day but they must need a little more time. I never thought I would still be pregnant on Mother's Day and I wasn't sure how I would feel on this day. To be honest, I am starting to doubt they will ever get here and I will be pregnant forever. My physical discomfort and pain has made it hard to see very far past myself lately which is not how I usually am. I have actively tried to be thankful for every single part of this experience, knowing how blessed I am but my body has limitations too. Every day I depend on God to keep me positive and focused on the miracle that is happening. The miracle that will be here in 8 days at the most!
Mother's Day has brought mixed emotions for me today. I don't feel like a mother yet which I know many would argue. I think part of it is the disbelief that this is all really happening and this familiar feeling of waiting. I feel movement in my stomach and I see fuzzy pictures but it won't be real to me till I look into their eyes and feel them in my arms. I find myself thinking more about the people on my "Waiting for a Miracle" prayer list, which sadly keeps growing.
In the past, this holiday was difficult. Not because I was bitter or angry but because it was a whole day that just reminded me of the missing part of my life. I just keep thinking to myself, "Do those parents know how blessed they are?" Whether it took you one time or 10 years to get pregnant, it was a gift that is not offered to all. There are couples that spend tens of thousands of dollars on attempts and the hope to be a mother, only to find out it failed repeatedly. There are mothers who have babies in heaven and their hearts are never whole again. There are couples who pray and trust in God for a miracle but each month brings disappointment. Every parent I see, I ask myself, "Do they know how blessed they are?" Most of the time, I think they don't know and can't even comprehend the struggle that others go through. I pray that I am a parent that can try to remember how blessed I am, even on the really hard days.
What about the other blessings we take for granted? You may have a horrible job that doesn't pay well and stresses you out but do you know how blessed you are to have a job? You may have a poor relationship with your parent that is full of nothing but conflict but do you know how blessed you are to have your parent here on earth? Do you see where I am going with this?
I have always loved this saying:
A holiday like today just makes me pray for those who long to be mothers but aren't yet or never will be, mothers with angel babies, those who have a mother in heaven and anyone who longs for a better relationship with their mother. Maybe this is a sign of maturing but I find myself praying more for those without than celebrating what I already have. Don't get me wrong, my mother is incredible. She is the most compassionate, genuine, loving and strong woman of God I have ever met. She is my best friend and I know how blessed I am but it makes me want the same thing for others. I want others to get their miracles too.
Mother and daughter on my wedding day!
Be thankful for what you have and pray for others who may not have the same blessings. As I am going through these last difficult weeks of twin pregnancy, I will try to keep my thoughts on the joy that is coming and continue to pray for those still waiting for their own miracles.
37 Weeks
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
A change in prayers
Since the moment we found out we were having twins...we prayed to make it to the magical 36 week mark. We remember back to 10 weeks, 25 weeks and 31 weeks when we never thought we would make it this far. We are blessed and very thankful for the Lord's faithfulness during this time.
It is no secret that the past few weeks have been difficult on me physically, so it is no surprise that I am ready for the babies to arrive. It is just interesting how fast our prayers can change. For months we prayed, "Lord, please don't let me go into labor. Please keep the babies inside and give them more time." and then a few days ago it changed to "Lord, please let them come. Please don't make me wait another 2 weeks, I don't know if my body can handle it." God's plan for our babies arrive has never changed but yet our prayers constantly do based on our emotions and immediate circumstance. I am glad his plans are already done, the story already written because it shows how constant and consistent he is in all his promises.
The past week has not gone by without its own excitement. Our doctor appointment went very well on Friday and gave us a pleasant surprise that both babies are head down. Somehow, baby girl was able to turn herself during week 35 which rarely happens. This means that for the first time in our pregnancy, a vaginal birth had become a viable option. This threw me a bit as I have been preparing for a c-section. The change in position has opened up a whole new area of discussion between us and our doctor. During the ultrasound we also discovered that the babies estimated weights are 7lbs and 6lbs 1oz. The babies have been within a few ounces of each other so this was different. It is not something to be concerned about yet but they will keep a close eye on their growth at our next appointment on Friday. Ben and I sat in the waiting room after the ultrasound trying to wrap our heads around a possible change in our birth plan and what the weight difference means for our babies. It was a long wait while I resisted to Google "weight differences in twins."
Our doctor answered all our questions, calmed our nerves about the weight difference and gave us the go ahead and stop taking the medication that has been decreasing my contractions. We also discovered that I was 3 cm dilated and the doctor could actually feel Baby Boy's head! She stripped my membranes which usually jump starts labor and we were hoping for babies in the next few days! Well, we did make a trip to the hospital late Friday night with strong contractions every 3 minutes but soon after we arrived they slowed down. I was not in active labor. Myself, Ben and my mom left the hospital disappointed. This was the first visit that they were not trying to stop labor but start it. I really wanted it to happen while my mom was already in town for the weekend but we were sent home empty handed. What a different experience. We tried some other tricks in the book over the weekend but without luck.
We had another doctor appointment yesterday to check on some other things they were worried about regarding preeclampsia but the initial tests look good. I was planning to hear that I was at least another centimeter dilated but the doctor could no longer feel Baby Boy's head which means the babies have moved. We did an ultrasound to see what their positioning is and Baby Girl is more transverse (sideways) and Baby Boy has moved away from the exit. I feel like we took a few steps backwards but it could all change again at any moment. Baby Girl's move means that a vaginal birth is a risk that could equal a c-section as well. Their positions will be what makes the decision when we show up at the hospital for the real thing.
I am still spending each day trying to be thankful for another day of quiet and rest but we CANNOT wait to meet our babies. I have been actually getting better sleep the last few nights, the best in months. Part of me hopes that my body knows I need the rest for something ahead. :) I spend my days in a recliner, trying to keep the swelling down in my feet while I stare at an empty baby swing. I dream of what they look like and what our lives will look like in a week, a month and a year. Ben and I talk about watching Twins games with a baby on each of our chests. We have started to say their names out loud to each other in conversation. We also talk about the times in the past when we didn't know if anything like this would happen to us.
For now, we pray for patience and understanding that our babies need more time. We also pray about being able to go to our hospital and for a smooth birth, whatever we end up deciding on. We won't be making any announcements until the babies are here. I am not the type to share the play-by-play of their arrival. Thank you for following us on this journey. We are almost there and soon you will meet the two little miracles you have been praying for!
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It is no secret that the past few weeks have been difficult on me physically, so it is no surprise that I am ready for the babies to arrive. It is just interesting how fast our prayers can change. For months we prayed, "Lord, please don't let me go into labor. Please keep the babies inside and give them more time." and then a few days ago it changed to "Lord, please let them come. Please don't make me wait another 2 weeks, I don't know if my body can handle it." God's plan for our babies arrive has never changed but yet our prayers constantly do based on our emotions and immediate circumstance. I am glad his plans are already done, the story already written because it shows how constant and consistent he is in all his promises.
The past week has not gone by without its own excitement. Our doctor appointment went very well on Friday and gave us a pleasant surprise that both babies are head down. Somehow, baby girl was able to turn herself during week 35 which rarely happens. This means that for the first time in our pregnancy, a vaginal birth had become a viable option. This threw me a bit as I have been preparing for a c-section. The change in position has opened up a whole new area of discussion between us and our doctor. During the ultrasound we also discovered that the babies estimated weights are 7lbs and 6lbs 1oz. The babies have been within a few ounces of each other so this was different. It is not something to be concerned about yet but they will keep a close eye on their growth at our next appointment on Friday. Ben and I sat in the waiting room after the ultrasound trying to wrap our heads around a possible change in our birth plan and what the weight difference means for our babies. It was a long wait while I resisted to Google "weight differences in twins."
Our doctor answered all our questions, calmed our nerves about the weight difference and gave us the go ahead and stop taking the medication that has been decreasing my contractions. We also discovered that I was 3 cm dilated and the doctor could actually feel Baby Boy's head! She stripped my membranes which usually jump starts labor and we were hoping for babies in the next few days! Well, we did make a trip to the hospital late Friday night with strong contractions every 3 minutes but soon after we arrived they slowed down. I was not in active labor. Myself, Ben and my mom left the hospital disappointed. This was the first visit that they were not trying to stop labor but start it. I really wanted it to happen while my mom was already in town for the weekend but we were sent home empty handed. What a different experience. We tried some other tricks in the book over the weekend but without luck.
We had another doctor appointment yesterday to check on some other things they were worried about regarding preeclampsia but the initial tests look good. I was planning to hear that I was at least another centimeter dilated but the doctor could no longer feel Baby Boy's head which means the babies have moved. We did an ultrasound to see what their positioning is and Baby Girl is more transverse (sideways) and Baby Boy has moved away from the exit. I feel like we took a few steps backwards but it could all change again at any moment. Baby Girl's move means that a vaginal birth is a risk that could equal a c-section as well. Their positions will be what makes the decision when we show up at the hospital for the real thing.
I am still spending each day trying to be thankful for another day of quiet and rest but we CANNOT wait to meet our babies. I have been actually getting better sleep the last few nights, the best in months. Part of me hopes that my body knows I need the rest for something ahead. :) I spend my days in a recliner, trying to keep the swelling down in my feet while I stare at an empty baby swing. I dream of what they look like and what our lives will look like in a week, a month and a year. Ben and I talk about watching Twins games with a baby on each of our chests. We have started to say their names out loud to each other in conversation. We also talk about the times in the past when we didn't know if anything like this would happen to us.
For now, we pray for patience and understanding that our babies need more time. We also pray about being able to go to our hospital and for a smooth birth, whatever we end up deciding on. We won't be making any announcements until the babies are here. I am not the type to share the play-by-play of their arrival. Thank you for following us on this journey. We are almost there and soon you will meet the two little miracles you have been praying for!
36 Weeks 1 Day
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