I have had about 500 blog ideas in the past few months. I write them in my head in the middle of the night, while I am driving and when I am hooked up to the breast pump but they never make it out for real. I am going to sum up several thoughts, really quickly, so here we go.
The kids are almost 5 months old...yes the time goes by fast but I feel like we cherish every single moment with them. Elianna was 14lbs 8oz and Carter was 16 lbs at their last appointment. We have only rushed into urgent care twice with 1st time parent worries, only to be sent home with reasons like teething and a mild sinus bug. We successfully transitioned the kids from Rock and Plays into their cribs. It went WAY better than expected but I probably got up to check on them a dozen times each night for the first few days. They are still sleeping great. We usually get a 8/9pm-5/6am stretch but pretty regularly, someone needs to get up around 4am for a snack. I understand that we are extremely lucky and my heart goes out to mommas out there that are still getting 2 hours at a time. You are amazing.
Due to an unforeseen change, Ben is no longer working at the YMCA. Unfortunately, we are pretty used to having one of us lose our job so we just had to roll with it. When you have been through, what we have been through...you question God's plan less and less. We took this as a way for Ben to be home with the kids and finally start building his personal training business at Success Fitness in Maplewood. He can work with clients without a membership fee and he can make his own schedule. He can work 10 hours a week and make what it would have taken 30 hours to make at the YMCA. Here is my plug for my amazing husband...He can do training in your home or at the gym in Maplewood. Please find him on facebook by searching Ulland Fitness.
On another note, my husband is an incredible stay-at-home Dad. He reads to the kids, works on tummy time, takes them for runs and loves on them all day. I am so happy that our babies are home and with their Daddy during the day.
Being a working Mom is hard. Harder than I imagined. I knew I would miss them but I have always taken my career so seriously and I am (now more than ever) the one who brings home the bacon. I thought I would want a break from being with 2 infants...but I don't. I miss them all the time and I usually try not to think about them too much during the day. I find it easier that way. I have missed both of them rolling over for the first time. I missed it. It will never happen again and I was in an office somewhere, staring at a computer screen. I missed it. I also think that because we are not planning on having more children, every milestone I miss hurts a little more. I will never be able to be a parent who can stay at home. I am trying to adjust and tell myself all the things that working parents have to say to leave our kids each day, but it is hard. It doesn't help that my job has changed, I was demoted due to a company reorganization and my overall work environment is very stressful right now. It makes leaving them even harder. I can understand why people with children don't go to parties, happy hour or trips to the vineyard on the weekends. They want to be with their kids. I want to get puked and peed on. I want to change 20 diapers a day and I want to have used every ounce of energy before I lay my head down at night. I had bought tickets to the theater for my birthday and I didn't want to even go. I cried because I had to work that Saturday and I had barely seen the kids. I wanted to blow off my birthday plans to sit on the couch with them. We waiting so long for them and I don't want to miss a minute.
I am still pumping....almost 5 months of hooking up my very delicate body parts to a machine that man-handles them for 45 minutes, every 4 hours for liquid gold. I still don't make enough for both of the kids but I have come to accept that. I tried every trick in the book...Gatorade, oatmeal, flax seed, supplements, beer, smart water, coconut water and lactation cookies. Ok, I still eat those because they taste yummy and my Grandma makes them for me. My original goal was to pump for 3 months and my next goal is 6 months. Some days I hate it so much and other days, I think I could do it for a year. I hate it the most when I have to give up sleep to pump and when I have to listen to my babies cry because I am hooked up to the pump and can't pick them up. Most days it is just annoying. I pump in my car...pause for reaction...don't worry, I use a hands-free bra and I have only given a few truck drivers a show but it saves me time! I will pump past 6 months...but I don't know how long I will go. Right now, it is a huge financial decision. Formula for twins is ridiculous and I am sure we are saving at least $300 a month. Obviously, it is the best thing for my babies and that matters to me but I will just keep pumping until I don't want to or can't anymore.
The babies are doing so well. They are happy, smiling and starting to learn how to use their little bodies. Elianna is ready to sit up all the time but she has a little ways to go. She is SO smiley. Seriously, I think her face must hurt at the end of the day from her really big smiles. She is grunting a lot lately which is adorable. My sweet little girl lights up a room and is already an eternal optimist, just like her Daddy. Mr. Carter is a little shy guy. He will smile but usually turns away and it is more of a grin. He looks like he is always up to something. He has mastered "the lip" and he will stick that bottom lip out so far...it will break your heart. Their little laughs are so different and they think different things are funny. In the mornings, I have started to lay them next to each other on the bed to see how they interact. Elianna will try to eat any and all of Carter's body parts and Carter just lets her. I can't wait to see how their relationship grows. We are so incredibly blessed and they get more fun every day. We are still new parents, trying to balance being parents, spouses, and friends. There is little energy or time at the end of the day but we work with what we have.
I would like to promise that I will blog more but I don't know if I can follow through on that. I will keep trying because I love sharing with all of you since so many of you prayed for our little miracles.
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