The Feeling of Failing

Unfinished Post from February 2015

Well, my last post was in October....so I am not blogging as much as I had planned but good Lord, we are busy. Whatever small amount of down time we get...we try to have adult conversations about things beside puke and poop, clean the bathroom or close our eyes. Busy isn't even the best word to use. I think they could create a new words for busy that parents of multiple children could use. This will be another disjointed blog post to try to update you on all things going on with the Ullands.

Ben said something so honest and touching to me the other night. We were talking about the many things we didn't get done that weekend and he just looked at me and said, "I just feel like I'm failing..." and I said, "Welcome to parenthood. There are never enough hours in the day to get done everything that we need to do. If you give your all as a parent, your career suffers. If you give your all to your career, your marriage suffers and so on. All we can do is the best we can do and love our kids like crazy in the process."

I am so used to being "on top of everything" and being able to juggle several balls in the air while looking calm as can be. That phase of my life has flown out the window. I feel like ANY change to our daily lives has a huge impact on us. If I have to work late one night...I can see the effect of that on all of us for the next 4 days. If one baby gets sick...it takes more energy and effort and sleepless nights until they are health again. If I ask you to wash your hands or not touch my child it is because all I see, when I look at your hands, is even less sleep for me and Ben. Sleep is like GOLD...or more like fairy dust because you can't buy it.

A few nights ago, Carter was up every.single.hour from 11pm-6am. This was WAY worse than his newborn days. Nothing will make you more crazy that trying to "Figure out" why your kid isn't sleeping, pooping, napping....whatever it is, it will consume your mind. God bless little Elianna that is still sleeping through the night like a champ. She has always been more accommodating when her brother needs a little more attention. Carter's latest issue has been waking up in the middle of the night and then vomiting all over the place. Usually all over me and last night my wonderful Father-in-law who offered to help while I am away at a conference. So the investigation starts to try to solve this new issue.