We are now at 35 weeks and 1 day, our OB is back from vacation and our house is completely ready for babies. Our babies are healthy and growing ahead of schedule. We are anxiously waiting to meet them so our trips to the hospital have a different feel. Last Saturday we had our more recent "false alarm" but it was bumpy this time. I have been taking medicine to reduce my contractions since the beginning of the month. I still get contractions, even on the medication, but they are mild and just uncomfortable. Saturday they started to get stronger and more frequent. The medicine didn't seem to impact them at all. Once they were 5 minutes apart and were starting to be painful, we made the call to come into St. Johns. We had some excitement knowing that this could be the beginning of labor but hesitant because our OB was still on vacation. Well, my calm/excited feeling faded fast when we found out that St. John's was full and couldn't take us. We had to go somewhere else. I LOVE St. John's and this was not something I anticipated happening. The doctor on call wanted us to go to United but we didn't like that option either. After a few phone calls, we were sent to Woodwinds in Woodbury.
Right off the bat, I just didn't feel good about being there. We get into the ER and one women is telling the staff that she is going to go home because she doesn't want to wait 4 hours again. The security guard was actually the one to call the maternity ward and ask for someone to come get us. This women comes to get us, no introduction but just start wheeling us down hallways. We get there and they put us in this hamster size room. No joke...the door (a curtain) to the room was about 3 feet past end of my bed and only wide enough for the bed, a chair and the baby monitoring cart side by side. My gut is telling me, I don't want to have my babies here. Please keep in mind, my hormones are off the wall lately. I calmed down a little when our nurse told us she had 13 year old twin boys but she soon would be ending her shift. I had a gown but they never offered me a robe. This bothered me since I had to walk out of my room into a hallway to go to a public restroom with my backside hanging out. Luckily, I had my own robe. By now, my excitement is gone and I just prayed for a reason for the contractions and discharge papers. Urine sample was "tainted" which meant it wasn't a UTI like last time. They tracked me and the babies for a while and had me change position. She checked my cervix, dilated 1 cm and I was 50% efface. That could have happened that night or over the past 10 days. They checked me again 2 hours later and no change. The "doctor on call" who I still have no clue who that was making these decisions since we never saw a doctor, wanted to keep me overnight for observation anyway. By now I am crying but not really sure the full reason why.
I can barely sleep at home and I knew I wouldn't sleep in the hospital bed at all. Ben was in this small chair that reclined. I just didn't want to be there. I wanted to be at my hospital, with my doctor and with a plan to hold my babies in my arms. Physically, I am spent and this was not helping. I am starting to lose it emotionally, physically and mentally. I am just tired of the false alarms.
All I can think is that this is another medical bill I will have to fight to get cleared up, another night of no sleep and we are no more closer to meeting out babies. Yes, it was a pity party but I needed to have at least a few this pregnancy. I know how blessed I am but I am human and carrying twins is hard. This night was the first night I really prayed for God to ease the physical impact of this pregnancy. Poor Ben just did what he could to console his emotional, inarticulate, confused wife in pain.
Finally, at 4 am I couldn't take it anymore. I called for the nurse and asked to go home. I hadn't had a contraction is almost 2 hours and I wasn't sleeping at all. Bless that nurse too..I am sure she has seen her share of crazy but I was less than delightful that night. She called the doctor, hocked me up to track babies and contractions for a while and they let me go. I think she thought I was upset because it wasn't "my hospital" but it was more than that.
Ben and I are thankful that our babies are still growing inside of me. I have to remind myself that I may be ready for them to arrive but they aren't ready yet. I have a new appreciation for my hospital and pray that when it IS time that they will have room for us. Our goal is to make it to 36 weeks which is 6 more days away. In 6 days...the experience of their births that I have hoped for is more of a reality. Since we are scheduled for a c-section, there is little I have control over but here is my wish list...
-They both enter the world with loud healthy cries
-Ben and I get to hold them (skin-to-skin) minutes after they are born
-I can nurse them when they first show interest
-Ben doesn't have to leave me in the OR to go with one or both babies to the NICU or Specialty Care Nursery(SCN)
-We have the option to keep them in our room with us all the time
-They go home WITH us and don't need additional time in the NICU/SCN...this is the big one. Leaving the hospital without both of your babies is trying for any parent.
We are closer to all of these wishes coming true with every day they continue to stay inside. I have always been and honest blogger and honestly...it has been a tough couple of days. Anyone who has had a difficult pregnancy, twins or not...knows this difficult place where your "miracle is making you miserable." A tagline from the book my brother gave Ben called, "Pregnancy Sucks for Men." I have been reading it because it does have some humor mixed in with the difficult parts of pregnancy and parenting.
I feel better today which why I wrote a new blog since yesterday's draft was...um, not uplifting? That is putting it gently. My prayers are different lately but still remind me of my full dependence on God to get through each day. It is easy to drift away as your dreams start to come true. I will try to be thankful for false alarms, an irritable uterus, aching muscles and sleepless night...but this is temporary and the joy that is coming is beyond what we can even comprehend.
35 weeks 1 day
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This is my new theme song...;)
St johns is the BEST. You are all in great hands. Pray. I'll pray for you and I'm sure many others will too. You'll look back on this and laugh I swear. You're almost there, honey. I know it sucks. So close!!!!!!!!
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