Do they know?

Yes, I am still pregnant. Yes, I am beyond ready and yes, we are very lucky to have made it to 37 weeks. Our twins are now considered "full term" and we can't believe how hard it is to wait to meet them.

We had hoped that they would be here by Mother's Day but they must need a little more time. I never thought I would still be pregnant on Mother's Day and I wasn't sure how I would feel on this day. To be honest, I am starting to doubt they will ever get here and I will be pregnant forever. My physical discomfort and pain has made it hard to see very far past myself lately which is not how I usually am. I have actively tried to be thankful for every single part of this experience, knowing how blessed I am but my body has limitations too. Every day I depend on God to keep me positive and focused on the miracle that is happening. The miracle that will be here in 8 days at the most!

Mother's Day has brought mixed emotions for me today. I don't feel like a mother yet which I know many would argue. I think part of it is the disbelief that this is all really happening and this familiar feeling of waiting. I feel movement in my stomach and I see fuzzy pictures but it won't be real to me till I look into their eyes and feel them in my arms. I find myself thinking more about the people on my "Waiting for a Miracle" prayer list, which sadly keeps growing.

In the past, this holiday was difficult. Not because I was bitter or angry but because it was a whole day that just reminded me of the missing part of my life. I just keep thinking to myself, "Do those parents know how blessed they are?" Whether it took you one time or 10 years to get pregnant, it was a gift that is not offered to all. There are couples that spend tens of thousands of dollars on attempts and the hope to be a mother, only to find out it failed repeatedly. There are mothers who have babies in heaven and their hearts are never whole again. There are couples who pray and trust in God for a miracle but each month brings disappointment. Every parent I see, I ask myself, "Do they know how blessed they are?" Most of the time, I think they don't know and can't even comprehend the struggle that others go through. I pray that I am a parent that can try to remember how blessed I am, even on the really hard days.

What about the other blessings we take for granted? You may have a horrible job that doesn't pay well and stresses you out but do you know how blessed you are to have a job? You may have a poor relationship with your parent that is full of nothing but conflict but do you know how blessed you are to have your parent here on earth? Do you see where I am going with this?

I have always loved this saying:

A holiday like today just makes me pray for those who long to be mothers but aren't yet or never will be, mothers with angel babies, those who have a mother in heaven and anyone who longs for a better relationship with their mother. Maybe this is a sign of maturing but I find myself praying more for those without than celebrating what I already have. Don't get me wrong, my mother is incredible. She is the most compassionate, genuine, loving and strong woman of God I have ever met. She is my best friend and I know how blessed I am but it makes me want the same thing for others. I want others to get their miracles too.

 Mother and daughter on my wedding day!

Be thankful for what you have and pray for others who may not have the same blessings. As I am going through these last difficult weeks of twin pregnancy, I will try to keep my thoughts on the joy that is coming and continue to pray for those still waiting for their own miracles.

37 Weeks