As I sit here to type...I don't even know where to start. The twins are almost 11 months old. I cannot believe that they will be one year old next month. It has been a blur and I feel like I don't remember most of it. Thankfully, my husband is our kids' paparazzi and takes so many pictures and videos, that I can remember it that way.
Parenting, in some ways, is the easiest and hardest thing I have ever experienced. Some days, the love you have for your kids will literally fuel your energy to make it through the day (or night.) The balance between work and family is impossible. If you figure it out....tell me and then write a book. At any given moment in the day, I am letting someone else down. I don't need the whole "You are enough" speech because I understand that but let's be real. We still feel that way even when we shouldn't. It hasn't helped that my career took a spiral downturn ever since I returned from maternity leave that culminated in them laying me off a few weeks ago but that was a blessing because I got a new job. The balance of Wife, Mother, friend and career woman is a constant juggling act.
Starting a new job, with 11 month old twins at home...is so overwhelming at times. On the other hand, if I have to leave my babies every day, it better be for a job that I care about!! I have spent the last 2 weeks trying to get life in order as much as I can. Stocking the freezer with meals, organizing and getting rid of stuff we don't need. Putting together a wardrobe at this weight has been less than exciting but oh well. The weight loss is for another day. It is WAY harder this time. My body is a mystery and I am at a loss. For any Mom who said, "I can't lose weight, it is too hard with my kids." I hear ya loud and clear! I barely have time to brush my teeth and shave my legs....time to work out!?! HAHA! I think the new job will help, meal planning, warmer weather and a more consistent schedule.
My children are hilarious...but did you expect anything less? ;o) Carter is my little sensitive guy who has the sweetest smile. He has handled teething like a total champ and I have just accepted that he needs to wake up at night, at least once. He gets SO excited when he learns new things and I just love how he makes me see the joy in little things. When he learned to clap, I thought he was going to jump up and down. He loves to read. Ben reads to the kids all the time and I will catch Carter sitting on the floor, crossing his little feet, turning the pages of books. Carter crosses his feet, at his ankles, ALL THE TIME. When he eats, in his high chair, in the car seat, on your lap and on the floor. I have never seen a baby sit like this but it is adorable. He is working on "toughing up" a little bit since his sister likes to dominate...well, everything. He is learning to fight back but mostly by pushing her down when she is standing on her own. Carter is my awesome eater. His favorite food is Spinach and cheese ravioli. He puts a handful in his mouth just as fast as I can cut up the next one. My favorite Carter moments are when he is reading books, eating, chasing his sister around and any time he learns something new.
Miss Elianna is preparing to rule the world. She likes to run the show and be in charge...hhhmm, no clue where she gets that from?! She is not afraid to show her many emotions to you but one of them is love. She loves to give kisses. Last week Carter fell down and he was crying. She crawled over and gave him the sweetest kiss on the cheek. Ben and I almost died it was so sweet. These are the moments when having Twins make up for the hard stuff. Elianna loves to snuggle and is walking a good 5-6 steps at a time. But what she really loves, is us watching her and celebrating her every step. She eats her food one little tiny piece at a time, picking it up with her 2 little fingers. She takes twice as long to eat as Carter. She also like to point...at everything. I kiss her little finger all the time and she touches everything with that little pointer finger to explore it. She is little miss giggles and giggles at almost everything. Not a big laugh but a little he he he. My kids laugh the hardest at each other. I can already tell that she is strong willed and will give us a challenge but strong willed children can change the world.
They both love to dance and do whatever it takes to get our phones and the tv remotes. We recently had to move them to different rooms to help with sleeping and it was a tough decision for Ben and I. We loved seeing them playing after nap time and having a crib in our room is tough but it has worked out well. Sleep....oh, sweet sleep. I didn't know I could function on this kinda of sleep. Honestly, it was easier when they were newborns. They were up every 4 hours, bottle, diaper and back to sleep. Now they could get up at any time, need nothing or everything and be up for 3 minutes to 3 hours. After you spend an hour getting one down, the other one will wake up. These are the nights where I struggle the most. Ben and I have a good system and the last few weeks have been better.
I don't even know if I would call it sleep training or whatever but we had to do something to help our kids learn to fall asleep on their own. We waited till they had a full belly with dry diapers and showing signs of being tired like rubbing their eyes and yawning. We then put them in their crib with their beloved Grandma June blanket, a book and small toy. The first few times were tough but we went in after 5 minutes and then 10 minutes to comfort them but put them back down. Eventually, they were able to only cry a few minutes and be asleep. We started with nap time and the last few days transitioned to also doing it at bedtime. This has been a game changer for sure!!!! This had to happen to help Ben keep his sanity when he is home with the kids. Now the kids are sleeping longer for naps (1.5-2 hours instead of 30 minutes - 1 hour) and bedtime is between 8:15 and 8:30 when it could have ranged from 8-10pm some nights. Elianna is also FINALLY sleeping through the night again which hasn't happened for 5 months. She will stay asleep from 8:30-5:45am...AMEN. I need at least one baby to sleep through the night for my sanity. Carter is getting much better. He is still up 1-2 times but is able to make it to 5:30/6am and goes back to sleep after a bottle instead of being up for hours on end. Ben is also my late night baby whisperer because he is able to get them back asleep when I can't. I am still a bit in shock that they are sleeping MORE during the day and better at night...but I guess some babies work like that.
Bottom line, we are blessed and loving every minute with our family. God is still making a way for us and for me to be able to provide for us. I start a new job on Monday that HE put in my life. New challenges but in a good way. My schedule will change and will be more time away from the kids but it had to happen at some point. I have loved being home the last 2 weeks and it will always be a special time.
Ben and I also got away to Florida for a much needed break. It was nice to have it just be "us" but we missed the kids so much. A BIG thank you to those of you who watched the kids while we were gone...Nona and Grandpa Ulland, Grammy and Papa Dodge, Aunt Sarah and Cousin Kristyn. You are all angels and I think our kids had a vacation of their own.
May 19th they will be one year old. In the world of twins..one year is BIG deal because we survived the hardest and best year of our life. It takes a village and we couldn't do it without the love, strength and grace of God, our family and friends, our church and each other.
We still pray for those of you still waiting for your miracle...not a day goes by that we don't remember how blessed we are.
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